


My Guy

by Void_senpai



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, College, Drama, F/M, Forbidden Love, Inspired by Music, Letters, Love Triangles, Period Typical Attitudes, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2020-05-16 04:18:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 82,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19310476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Void_senpai/pseuds/Void_senpai
Summary: Kennedy is president, the Vietnam War is in full swing, and the world seems to be going to hell, but Bella Swan is on the right path. She has perfect friends, got into the perfect school, and her perfect boyfriend wants nothing more than to make her his wife. This is everything she should want, so why isn't she happy?Everything changes the night she's saved by a beautiful, mysterious boy. The kind of boy she shouldn't talk to. The kind of boy she shouldn't want.So why is he the only one who loves her for who she really is?





	1. My Guy

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by my love of music from the fifties and sixties, as well as the class and gender issues that were present in the books. As such, this story is going to include a lot of the attitudes towards women, poc, etc that you'd expect from this period in American history, but there will be no racial slurs. Please keep in mind that I am just one well-meaning idiot trying to make something a little more complicated and interesting out of a book about hot guys with superpowers. In the interest of the story and of not over-complicating my life, this does not take place in a particular year(s). I'm leaving it a little ambiguous, which will result in some minor anachronisms, but suffice it to say that the events of the story take place somewhere between 1960 and 1965
> 
> I know I've vilified Edward in the past, but that's not the kind of story that I'm writing this time.
> 
> Finally, please check out the songs I'm including with these chapters, as I think they add a lot in the way of tone and context.
> 
> Please enjoy!

_Nothing you could say could tear me away from my guy,_  
_Nothing you could do 'cause I'm stuck like glue to my guy._  
_I'm sticking to my guy like a stamp to a letter,_  
_Like birds of a feather we stick together,_  
_I'm tellin' you from the start I can't be torn apart from my guy._

 **_My Guy -_ ** _Mary Wells_

* * *

 

The backseat door opened, and Bella stepped out onto hard-packed gravel. One by one, the girls spilled out and into the lot, giggling and stumbling as they slammed the doors shut. Another Friday night, another excursion away from their neatly-tended campus and into the quiet town surrounding it. The sun had only just set, but night air was cool on her face, almost chilly. Spring had only just barely arrived, after all. After spending most of her life in Florida, the frigid temperatures of Washington had taken some getting used to. A much more familiar season was now on the upswing, and soon it would be warm again.

 

A tiny, almost elfin hand suddenly grasped her about the wrist. “Come on. I’ve got to powder my nose before the movie starts.”

 

“I’m fine. I’ll just stay with the car until you all get back.”

 

Alice shook her head and began tugging. “Oh no you don’t. You have forever until Edward picks you up. He won’t get here any faster if you wait in the car.”

 

Bella sighed in resignation. That wasn’t what was on her mind, but she didn’t need to tell her friends that. The bathroom at the drive-in was always a madhouse. By this point, she was sure a grey cloud of hairspray and cigarette smoke would be hovering at eye level, every sink hogged by high school girls freshening their lipstick and talking at length about Rock Hudson. Even after living here since her senior year, she still wasn’t accustomed to that sort of thing. Florida was so much more laid back, and it was hard for anyone to care so much about clothes and makeup when it was all going to melt off by noon anyways. She was grateful to have girlfriends of her own now, but their insistence on analyzing her outfits every time they went out was still strange.

 

Not that there was anything wrong with dressing up. When she first met Edward, she spent hours on admittedly clumsy attempts to be as girly and fashionable as her classmates. She couldn’t see the star member of the college crew team wanting to date a tomboy. There weren’t many like that around here anyways, except for the ones who smoked and stayed out late with boys. Her father sometimes had run-ins with their boyfriends on his patrols, making him scrutinize her appearance more now than he ever did. With his encouragement and Alice’s help, she was now cleverly disguised as a normal girl who liked dresses and school formals. To her surprise, it got Edward’s attention. She’d never met a boy like him before. He was tall and handsome, with perfect dirty-blond hair and a smile like a movie star. Perfect student, perfect athlete, and perfect gentleman. Even after they started going steady, she still wasn’t sure why he picked her when he was surrounded by hundreds of prettier college girls every day. As long as he seemed just as crazy in love with her as she was with him, she decided not to over-analyze it.

 

“I’m fine, Alice. Really. I’ll wait outside until you’re all done.”

 

“Alright.” She narrowed her eyes for a moment before scurrying after Lauren and Jessica.

 

Bella leaned against the wall outside the door to the ladies room, shyly taking in the scene around her. There were a lot of couples here tonight. A blonde girl with perfect hair and a letterman jacket hanging around her shoulders was being lead from the concession stand by a tall, beefy guy, and she looked absolutely thrilled to be in his company. Some had already retired to their respective cars. She adjusted her skirt for was must have been the hundredth time this evening, tugging down at the hem. She already had to wear “proper” clothes for class; why did she keep letting Alice talk her out of wearing pedal pushers on her time off?

 

It hadn’t been long, but she could feel herself getting restless. She poked her head around the corner, getting a facefull of what felt like pepper spray. She didn’t mind the smoke on its own, though it did start to give her cravings.  
  
“Hey Jess, are you all done yet?”

 

“Patience is a virtue, Bella,” Alice called back. “You don’t have to wait out there by your lonesome, you know.”

 

“Well I’m going back to the car now,” she huffed in response. “The previews are almost over.”

 

The ground crunched under her feet as she made her way back to the car, the audio from nearby speakers carrying over the wind as she wound around cars and the dirt roads that ran between them. Lauren had insisted on seeing _Breakfast at Tiffany’s_ , which looked alright. She certainly couldn’t argue with a comedy after everything that had happened. A sudden blast from a brass section made her stop dead in her tracks, and her eyes centered back on the screen for what had to be the final preview. It looked like this one had Natalie Wood. Handsome Spanish boys danced across the screen. Natalie was singing with some strawhead actor before it cut to the rival gangs charging each other, a huge mambo number, knives being drawn with a flick of their wrists. Now _this_ was something she had to see.

 

She was entranced. There hadn’t been a good musical out in a while either. It looked cool enough that maybe she could talk Edward into taking her, though he was definitely going to need to keep his hands to himself for this one. The stood there pondering her plan as the title card faded to black, becoming increasingly oblivious to everyone around her. She turned her head for only a moment, long enough to be blinded by a pair of headlights that were advancing much faster than she realized.

 

“Hey!”

 

A huge hand reached out and took her roughly by the arm, yanking her backwards out of the road and nearly into another parked car. She yelped in shock and pain before being cocooned in a strange, almost smothering warmth. Small spots dotted her vision while her surroundings seemed to blur together. She blinked over and over, trying to catch her breath and adjust to the darkness all over again, until they finally snapped into sharp focus in front of her. A tall boy with a deep copper complexion was looking down at her with a smirk. His hair looked windswept, pushed back with some kind of product that clearly couldn’t combat whatever mischief he’d been up to. He seemed to scan her, the flashes of light from the screen illuminating his onyx eyes. The upturned corner of his mouth revealed a sliver of bright white teeth.

 

“Careful, sweetheart,” he chuckled in a low and husky voice. Her heart was pounding in her chest, which she first attributed to her brush with death, only to realize that she had been in his arms this entire time, shamelessly drinking in his impossible features. She jerked backwards, panting and looking around her while she tried to remember where she was, but pulling out of his grip reminded her of the injury she’d just sustained. She winced, rubbing her shoulder as it throbbed.

 

“Easy there,” he said carefully, dropping his smirk. He glanced at her shoulder, his eyebrows furrowing. “You okay?”

 

She nodded quickly, still rubbing.

 

“Here, lemme look.”

She gulped, still staring wordlessly at him. He carefully stepped forward, reaching out his hand, and she flinched.

 

“Aww, come on, baby. I don’t bite. I just want to make sure I didn’t dislocate anything. You look kind of breakable.”

 

His voice was soft and apologetic. She shouldn’t trust this guy. He looked like some kind of delinquent in his dark jeans and boots, his large biceps straining against the sleeves of his shirt. Was that a tattoo? He probably had a motorcycle waiting for him with some chick in a tight skirt perched on the back. Her father would blow a gasket. Still, there was something honest about his eyes that shoved all these judgments to the back of her mind.

 

“...Okay then,” she murmured. He gave her a faint, reassuring smile, and her eyes immediately darted away to the ground. He stepped to her side, gently placing his hands along the top of her shoulder, feeling bones and tendons underneath her blouse. His hands were bigger than her father’s and even more calloused, but they could still handle her as delicately as if she were a baby bird. The hair began to stand up on the back of her neck. Her breath suddenly hitched as his fingertips located the source of her pain, and he pulled back.

 

“Well the good news is that there’s nothing wrong with it besides a little bruising. Sorry about that. Sometimes I forget my own strength.” He flexed, that cocky expression returning to his face. “Don’t stand in the middle of the road anymore, okay? Getting dents out of rich kids’ cars pays good and all, but I’d feel bad if it was because a cute girl cracked her skull.”

 

She blushed, which was met with unabashed amusement. He had a nice smile when is wasn’t caused by his own arrogance. He was huge; his arms and chest were more muscular than any man she’d ever seen, which stood in contrast with his boyish features. How old could he be, twenty-five? He wasn’t a student, that’s for sure. Come to think of it, she’d only ever seen white kids at her school. She needed to quit looking at him like this and say something before he teased her even more. She didn’t know why she’d apparently been struck dumb in the first place.

 

“You got a name, sweetheart?”

 

“B-Bella,” she stammered.

 

“Bella, huh?”

 

“Hey Jake!” someone barked across the lot. They both turned to see a several guys clustered in the far corner up front. They were half-cast in shadows, but she could see the orange glow of cigarettes hanging from their mouths as they glanced casually in the boy’s direction. They all seemed to be dressed alike, as if there was a uniform. “You coming or what?”

 

“Cool it, Em!” The boy looked back at her. “Looks like I gotta go.”

 

“Wait!”

 

“Yeah?” His eyebrows raised expectantly.

 

“Thank you. I’m sorry. I should have said that before, but thank you.”

 

He grinned broadly. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure I can think of a way for you to repay me later.” He winked. “Guess I’ll see you around, sweetheart.”

 

He jogged back to his friends, where he was greeted with mocking whistles from the group. The loud friend glanced at her from over his shoulder and muttered something in the boy’s ear, which earned him a sharp punch in the arm. She shook her head, trying to come back to earth. Her heartbeat hadn’t yet returned to normal, even now that he was dozens of feet away. She’d barely said anything to him, just stood there gawking and letting him tease her. Why? She had guy friends growing up, so it wasn’t as if she didn’t know how to talk to them. She certainly never had any trouble talking to Edward. He didn’t introduce himself, which was rude, but she thought better of it when she realized she never asked either. At least she got his name.

 

“Bella! Where were you?” Alice’s disapproval rang out over the metal roofs as she pushed her way closer with the other girls in tow. Bella gave Jake one last look before turning her attention back to her friends.

 

“Right. Sorry,” she replied. “I was watching the previews when I was walking back and I got distracted.

 

“So,” Jessica whispered, leaning inwards. “Who was that guy you were talking to?”

 

She could feel her heart sputtering back to life again. This whole evening was strange and embarrassing enough without having to tell her friends that she almost got hit by a car.

 

“No idea,” she said quickly. “He just wanted to know the time.” The opening score crashed out of the nearby speakers, saving her from needing to reveal anything else they’d missed. There wasn’t anything to tell, though: He pulled her out of the path of a car and she said thank you, very cut-and-dry. Nevertheless, she was sure that Lauren would find a way to make a fuss about it later, that shameless gossip. She was grateful when they finally made it back to the car, sliding onto the cool leather seat with a sigh. For the next ninety-minutes, she would have some relative peace and quiet to settle down and forget everything before she saw Edward.

 

“Hey there, beautiful,” a smooth voice whispered in her ear. She jumped in her seat, letting out a tiny shriek before realizing that the voice belonged to her boyfriend, who was laughing to himself at her reaction. As always, he looked like a million bucks, which made sense given that his parents probably actually had a million bucks. His shirt was crisp and immaculate, tucked into khaki pants with a dark blue jacket that fit perfectly around his toned upper torso. He watched her eyes shrink back to normal size and laughed again, taking her hand and gently squeezing it.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. I thought you would’ve seen me. It must be a really good movie.”

 

Bella looked around him to find that his friends were there as well. Jasper, a fellow member of the crew team, was already working his way to Alice’s side of the car, and met her with a kiss on the lips. Jessica was too busy making eyes at Emmett to care about the interruption, knowing full well that he was already dating Edward’s older sister. Both issues were a minor source of contention between the boys. Emmett was on the shorter side, but thick, stocky frame was like catnip to girls and to the football coach, who supposedly had been all but bribing him to join, but he could never give up wrestling. You could tell he enjoyed taking down his opponents a little too much, both on and off the mat, but his opportunities were growing smaller. A rival jock made the mistake of calling him a queer mid-match. He passed out forty-five seconds later, and nobody dared to taunt Emmett McCarty ever again.

 

“It _was_ until Bella gave us a heart attack,” Lauren griped.

 

“Hi, Edward,” Bella finally responded, ignoring her. “I didn’t think the guys would be coming, too.”

 

“It was a last minute change. I was actually coming just to see you.” He smiled. “But Rose is sick, so Emmett has no date and Jasper knew you were with Alice, so we decided to surprise you a little early and maybe go throw a ball around for a while.”

 

“That’s sweet of you!” Alice chirped, only furthering Lauren’s annoyance. “Are you guys staying for the movie?”

 

“That depends, is there room in here for me?” Jasper asked with a sly smile, crossing his arms and leaning forward on the side of the car.

 

“C’mon, Jas. They’re doing chick stuff. You can feel up her up later.”

 

Alice and Jessica let out a small gasp at Emmett’s somewhat lewd commentary. That was all it took to turn Alice beet red. Bella wondered if that was how Edward and his friends talked when she wasn’t around. Was he bragging about things they did in his car too, or was that just Emmett being Emmett? Surely he would never do something like that. The thought mortified her, and she slunk down in her seat. Jasper shot him a dark look, but he only laughed, spitting into the grass behind us.

 

“Lay off, man,” Edward said sternly. He leaned back and lowered his voice enough that Bella could barely hear. “I don’t care how cool Rose is,” he scolded, his voice bearing a hint of disgust. “You can’t talk like that in front of girls, especially our girls. You’re gonna scare them off.”

 

“Whatever,” he mumbled, kicking at the dirt. Edward turned his attention back to his girlfriend, flashing his trademark smile. She still didn’t understand why he didn’t go into acting or become a teen idol. He could have sold ice to eskimos just by standing there. His dazzling visage always reminded her just how lucky she was. It was hypnotizing.

 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt, ladies. We’ll kick off now.” He bent down and gave her a short kiss. “How about we hook up afterwards? We can get something to eat.” Two dates in one weekend: how could any girl compete with that?

 

“Sure.” She could feel herself blushing again. A shy smile formed as she leaned forward for another kiss. He smelled like mint and aftershave, which sounded nice but always burned her nose when they got this close. She liked him better when he came back from practice, musky with a trace of salt water lingering on his clothes. She loved kissing her prince more than anything else. It never got old. But this time, when she finally managed to pull herself away, her eyes immediately traveled away from his to the pack of roaring motorcycles cruising towards the exit.


	2. Itty Bitty Pretty One

 

Little bitty pretty one  
Come on and talk-a to me  
Lovey dovey lovey one  
Come sit down on my knee

_Itty Bitty Pretty One -_   **Thurston Harris**

* * *

“Dad! I’m home!”

Bella’s voice echoed off those familiar walls and into the still air, yielding nothing. She dropped her bag beside the mat, carefully closing the door behind her and looking about the living room for any sign of her father. Dirty dishes were piled up in the sink from god only knows when. A neglected beer bottle sat beside the worn chair that no one else dared sit on. His work shoes were missing, along with his gun, which normally sat on the small table in the corner of the room. The front door was unlocked, which was not unusual in most households except for that of a notoriously cautious cop. She stepped lightly around the room, trying to avoid making any more noise. There could have been a murderer in the house, for all she knew, or a particularly adventurous bear. That wasn’t even a stretch for this town; Forks had always been a little bit _Twilight Zone_ -y. A thud came from the back end of the house, followed by heavy footfalls that were getting closer and closer, until the intruder finally rounded the corner.

“Bella?”

She practically jumped out of her skin, despite the fact that she was facing her father, who was still in full uniform. He focused on her with a quizzical brow.

“Dad! You scared me,” she said, sighing with relief. “I didn’t think you were home yet.”

“Sorry, baby girl.” He pulled her in for a hug, kissing the top of her head. “It was a slow day at the station, so I cut out a little early. You’re home pretty early, too.”

“My last class was canceled, so Edward offered to drive me home.”

“That was awfully kind of him. He’s staying with his family this weekend too, I take it.” He crossed the room, kicking his shoes off and returning his gun and belt to their usual resting place.

“It’s Dr. Cullen’s birthday tomorrow. I think they wanted to go on another family hike while the weather’s nice.” She looked pointedly around the cluttered living room and the kitchen. “I’m glad you’re taking good care of yourself when I’m not around. Maybe you need to hire a maid.”

“I don’t need a maid,” he grumbled, picking up her bag and carrying it up the stairs with his daughter following close behind.

“Or a wife, maybe.”  
  
“I _definitely_ don’t need one of those.”

“Well, I’d much rather be spending the weekend with you than cleaning this pig sty.”

He set her bag down onto the dark wood floors with a thump, and strode over to her bedroom window, which overlooked the edge of the woods behind their house. He slid his fingers under the bottom of the window and jerked upwards.

“I’ve been trying to fix the lock on this blasted thing all week,” he grumbled, his mustache twitching. “It’s dangerous to have faulty locks.”

“Dad, please. It’s on the second floor. Any robber or maniac that tried to get in that way would break his neck first trying to climb that tree.”

 She smiled sympathetically. This was just his way of coping with his daughter being away all the time, even if it wasn’t far. It took a lot to convince him that the girl’s dormitories were secure, and even then, he insisted on inspecting her room before giving his flaccid stamp of approval. It made sense when she was sixteen, but at nineteen, it was starting to feel like he didn’t trust her judgement. Though he was initially supportive of her mother’s demands that she attend college and get her degree before even thinking about marriage, it was becoming apparent that Charlie wouldn’t be able to sleep well until she had someone else to look after her.

“Hmph,” he grunted in half-hearted agreement, still scanning the lock.

“Come on. I’ll cook dinner and we can watch _Andy Griffith_. I’ll make meatloaf and green bean casserole this time. Sound good?”

“Sure, sounds good.”

That would usually do it. Buttering him up was too easy.

Charlie finished his first and second helpings like a starving dog. All it took was one particularly funny quip from Barney to make him nearly choke on his food. He must have been living on nothing but sandwiches again. He really didn’t know how to manage without Renee.

“So,” he began, scraping the last bit of sauce off his plate. “Are you going to see Eddie this while you’re home? I don’t mind, you know. I just want to see you plenty before he whisks you away.”

“He said he’d call tomorrow and let me know when he’ll be free.”

“I’m sure his family will demand most of his time.” He wiped the onion crumbs from his mustache.

“I thought so too. They all seem very close.”

“They’re good people,” he nodded. “I’m glad that boy comes from such a good family. It means I don’t have to worry about you as much.”

“You might be the first dad on the planet who likes his daughter’s boyfriend,” she chuckled.

“He’ll be a great man, Bella. I don’t know that any man is good enough for my girl, but he just might be it.”

Here we go.

“It’s too early to even think about that, Dad.” She stood up, taking their empty plates to the kitchen and hastily starting on the dirty dishes.

“I know, I know,” he said. “All I’m saying is that the boy is a real catch. You don’t want to let him get away.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” She scrubbed the loaf pan through gritted teeth, her enthusiasm masking her complete discomfort with the topic at hand. She would have to thank Renee for being so persistent in the next letter to Florida.

“How are your classes going?” he asked, seemingly aware of the awkward lack of segue.

“Not bad. I’m really keen on my history class this semester.”

“American History?”

“Pre-Columbian American History. Aztecs and Indians and stuff.”

“I didn’t know there was enough to make a whole class about it.” 

“Oh, they could make a whole major out of it. Or a minor, at least. Did you know the Cherokee indians made their own alphabet?” She tried to keep her enthusiasm at an even level, but she was already failing.

“Interesting,” he replied absentmindedly, rising from the chair to grab his pack of cigarettes. “I’m stepping out for a smoke, but let me know if the phone rings. I’m on call tonight.”

Her face fell, and she nodded.

“Of course. I need to study anyhow, so I’ll sit in the living room for a while.”

“Good.”

The front door closed behind him, and she let out a heavy sigh. She loved her father, and she missed him all those years she spent in Florida, but even after almost two years back in Washington, he still didn’t seem quite sure how to talk to her. Maybe it was for the better. Maybe keeping him in the dark, even just a tiny bit, would grant her more freedom. It wasn’t especially likely, but it was worth a try.

She settled onto the lumpy couch, notebook in hand, and began flipping through the pages in search of the outlines from the last two weeks. Her study schedule was slipping a little, partially out of clear favoritism. History and British Literature were easily the most interesting classes she’d taken in her first year, but Biology was crying out desperately for attention. There was no nuance in the Krebs cycle, no hidden secrets in mitosis. The other two were different. In fiction, there was always so much more to be found if you read between the lines. History was much the same, shifting your perspective with every detail, the mistakes and atrocities of the past becoming clearer and clearer the further away they became.

Charlie didn’t see that. He’d finished learning once he finished high school, and was happy to skim the newspaper in between fishing trips and watching baseball, something that used to be a source of irritation for her mother. _Never quit learning, Bella_ , she used to  say. _A good education and an open mind are your ticket to the world. Don’t let ignorance hold you back._ Her mother may have been a tad flighty, but it was always clear to Bella that she was made for more than babies and Jello molds. Hopefully her new husband understood her better than Charlie ever did. Perhaps that was why she’d found a younger man to begin with.

Her procrastinating was interrupted by the shrill ring of the telephone. She tossed her books onto a nearby chair and scurried into the kitchen, wrenching the bright-yellow receiver off the wall.

“Hello, Swan residence.”

“Hey, Isabella,” chuckled the voice on the other end. “How’s my best girl?”

“Oh, sorry Edward,” she giggled nervously, softening her voice. She quickly checked over her shoulder and through the front window to make sure Charlie wasn’t paying attention.

“What’s wrong? Is your pop listening?”

“No, he’s just expecting to hear from the station tonight. I thought you might’ve been Officer Stanley calling to tell him there’s been a shootout or a bank robbery or something.”

“I think you’ve got an overactive imagination. Way more likely that he’d just be tossing Eric’s uncle in the drunk tank for the fourth time this week.”

“That’s not nice,” she replied firmly. “Jessica told me Jimmy finished basic just after Valentine’s and he left not even a month ago. He’s got to be worried sick. If it was my son getting shipped off to dodge bullets in the jungle, I’d be looking for the bottom of the bottle myself.”

“Don’t have a cow, Bella. It was just a joke. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“You’re right, you’re right. Sorry.” she said sheepishly. She took another glance out the window, where her father was nearly done with his last cigarette. “I’ve got to go. Dad’ll go ape if he sees me on the phone when the station might be trying to call.”

“Wait, I didn’t get to say why I called. Katie Marsh- err, Crowley,  is having her baby. Pop is going to have to stay late at the hospital for the delivery, so his birthday dinner is off tonight.”

 It felt so strange to hear that her classmate was going to have a baby. It hadn’t even been a year since they were posing for photos in their caps and gowns, and Katie had already gone from schoolgirl, to blushing bride, to mother. She tried to imagine it: seeing her husband off in the morning, cooking three meals a day in a neat pastel kitchen, a baby crawling around on the carpet, cocktail parties, garden clubs, PTA meetings. That’s what the American Dream was, wasn’t it? Her friend must’ve been over the moon. How could she not be? But a small voice began to whisper in the back of her mind.

_There but for the grace of God go I._

“Wow, I can’t believe I forgot. The wedding was the end of the summer but it feels like it was only last week. I’m sorry about your dad’s birthday, though I guess it’s important that he’s there to look after her. I hope the baby won’t be too small.”

“I think they’re both going to be fine,” he replied wryly. “But anyways, he’s going to be too tired for a hiking trip tomorrow. They decided to have dinner tomorrow night instead, and I wanted to invite you.”

“Really? Are you sure that’s alright?”

“Of course it is. My mom’s been nagging me about meeting you for months and Pop thinks it’s the perfect time.” 

“Wow, Edward, that sounds...nice, but my dad might have plans. Let me ask if it’s okay and I’ll call to let you know.”

“Great. See you tomorrow night, beautiful.”

She sighed over the low drone of the sudden disconnection, and placed the phone back in its cradle. She had wanted to meet Edward’s parents, but not like this, not with zero time to prepare. Normally, Alice would have stepped in to choose the right dress and remind her which fork to use, but she was still at school and probably out with Jas. There wasn’t anything packed that was nice enough for this kind of occasion, and even if there was, she still needed to impress them with perfect manners and conversation. What should have been tea with his mother or a quiet lunch during a campus visit had suddenly turned into The Bella Show. A keen sense of dread began to tie her insides into knots. There was still hope. Her father could say that he already made plans for the two of them, and then she could put the Cullens off for another month or two until she felt confident that she was ready, assuming that would ever happen. 

The front door creaked open behind her, and Charlie strolled back inside.

“Anyone call?”

“Um, yes.” She paused. “Edward called. He wanted to know if I was free tomorrow night, but I know you might be working during the day tomorrow so I’m sure you’d rather I spend the evening with you.”

“No, it’s alright,” he said. “Unless it’s hiking. We’ve been getting a lot of reports about wild animals near the trails lately. Not sure if they’re wolves or bears. People can’t seem to get a good look at them. Either way, I don’t want you near the woods right now.”

Wolves sounded like less stressful dinner companions.

“Actually, he invited me over for dinner. He wants me to meet his parents.”

“Wow,” he chuckled in surprise. “That’s really something. It’s about damn time they met you.”

“I guess. It’s just so soon. I’m not sure I’m ready, especially when it’s a fancy thing at their house. I was hoping I could just meet his mother first.”

“It’s the perfect time. Don’t worry yourself, kiddo. Get nice and dressed up and just be yourself. They’re going to love you.” He ended the conversation with a kiss on her forehead, and promptly began dialing the police station’s number.

His two pieces of advice felt directly contradictory, and the thought of trying to achieve some sort of balance between them made her head spin. She seized her books and retreated to the bedroom, dropping them to the floor before she began rifling through the blue suitcase lying on the rug. Out of the mess she found her green button-up pajama set. She would have worn pants everyday if she could avoid the disapproval from all sides. They were so much more comfortable, you didn’t need a slip, and you could move freely without showing the world your underwear. It  seemed that the only opportunities for pants would be bedtime and picnics for the foreseeable future.

A second search through her bags yielded nothing but the simple, casual attire she was accustomed to wearing, especially during these quiet weekends with her father, a man who only wore suits when someone was buried, married, or baptised. She was suddenly struck by inspiration. She padded over to the closet, which still held a handful of things that she didn’t like or wear often enough to warrant taking to school. Behind her swimsuit, an old coat, and a pink moth-eaten sweater was a butter yellow dress. It was short sleeved with white lace on the hem and a white bow on each pocket that decorated the skirt. She had only worn it once during a visit from her grandmother. It was perfect.

 

\--------------------

 

It was five o’clock when she heard the soft rumble of a car engine pulling into her driveway, followed soon after by the doorbell.

“Dad! Edward’s here!”

He grunted in acknowledgement from the adjacent room. She jammed her feet into a pair of blue heels, hopping on one foot as she tried to coax the rest of her foot inside, and opened the door to find a smiling Edward in his dark grey suit. Clutched in his right hand was a bouquet.

“Hi, Edward,” she said breathlessly. “You’re right on time.”

“Of course. It’s rude to keep a girl waiting, but I bet girls would probably rather have the extra time to do their hair.” He stepped inside, scanning her from head to toe. “You look beautiful.”

“Evening, Eddie,” her father interrupted, suddenly materializing right behind her.

“Evening, Chief Swan.” He stepped forward to give Charlie’s hand a firm shake. “How’re things at the station?”

“Good, good. I had some kids on motorcycles causing trouble the other night.” He frowned. “Drinking and making a racket at all hours. Figures, a bunch of delinquents roll into town just as soon as things start to get peaceful again.”

Her heart gave a tiny thump. The scent of pine and engine exhaust wandered back into the forefront of her mind. 

Edward nodded sympathetically. “We have some of those in town by the university, too. What a headache.” He turned to Bella. “Ah, these are for you.”

Nestled inside the cellophane was a dozen red roses. The sickly sweet perfume was already wafting into her nose, and she wondered if it would be the season for hydrangeas soon. Her thoughts snapped back to the present with an observation from her father.

“How thoughtful.”

“Yes, very thoughtful,” she stammered. “Thank you. Let me go put them in some water before we leave.”

“I’ll do it, Bella. You kids should get going. Have her home by ten-thirty.”

“Of course, Chief.”

“Dad,” she protested. “I’m an adult now. I don’t need a curfew.”

“I don’t want you out late, especially with all this commotion in town. Ten-thirty.”

She sighed and kissed her father on the cheek. Edward took her hand and began leading her out the door.

“Bye, Dad.”

Her boyfriend held open the door to his silver Ford, easing her down into the seat before jogging around the front of the car and sliding into his own.

“You really don’t have to do that. I know I’m in heels but I can manage it.”

He backed out of the driveway and onto the road, letting out a short laugh.

“You can’t manage smooth ground in your bare feet, Bella. We don’t need you showing up to dinner with a bruise.”

She sighed heavily and looked out the window, the fluttering of her heart beginning again in earnest as she remembered where they were going. The worries surging through her mind seemed to be matching that of the blood in her veins. Would they like her? Did she look alright? Would she be able to make good conversation? She certainly wasn’t making much conversation now, and she wasn’t even there yet.

“Thank you again for the flowers, Edward. They’re beautiful.”

“I’m glad you like them.”

It grew quiet again, and she wracked her brain for something else to say.

“You know,” she began. “The Victorians actually had a coded language for flowers. Every kind had a different meaning, so you could send a secret message in a bouquet. My literature professor was talking about it last week.”

“Really? What do red roses mean?”

“Passion and romantic love. I think daisies are innocence.”

“Interesting. Well if the Chief locks you up for staying out past curfew, at least I’ll still have a way to talk to you.”

“Don’t remind me,” she groaned. “Other girls don’t have curfews when they come home. I’m a woman, not sixteen. Katie’s younger than me and she doesn’t have a curfew.”

“Katie’s married. Your dad can’t tell you what to do once you’re married with your own house.”

“He’d still try, and then I’d have two men trying to tell me what to do instead of just one.”

He frowned and grew quiet. 

“He just wants what’s best for you, Bella. He’s trying to keep you safe, and I can’t argue with that.”

Before she could form a response, the car came to a stop in front of a large, modern house that looked nothing like any other that she’d seen in Forks. It was all-white and had a completely flat roof with two glass walls surrounding the dining room, where she could see a woman setting the table. It must have been fairly new.

“We’re here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave feedback in the comments!


	3. I Only Have Eyes For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected turn of events may have won her an unexpected ally
> 
> or a predictable enemy.

 

_My love must be a kind of blind love  
I can't see anyone but you_

_Are the stars out tonight_  
I don't know if it's cloudy or bright  
I only have eyes for you dear

_**I Only Have Eyes For**_   ** _You_** _\- The Flamingoes_

* * *

 

The inside of the Cullen’s house was just as beautiful as the outside, probably more. Every room looked like something straight out of _Better Homes & Gardens _ . First of all, it was bigger than any house she’d ever been in, with a dining room and living room that looked like it could fit everyone she’d ever met. The furniture was sleek, trendy, and perfectly color-coordinated, a mix of pastel fabrics and cherrywood. Every surface was spotless and everything was in its place, even down to the throw pillows on the sofa. She couldn’t help but feel a kind of secondhand anxiety on behalf of Edward’s mother, because maintaining this level of order would be a full-time job on its own. Perhaps this wasn’t a real house at all, but just an elaborate set, and Arthur Godfrey would leap out at any second to announce that she’s on _Candid Camera._

“Mom, we’re here!”

“We?” echoed a voice from what she could only assume was the kitchen, or maybe a bowling alley based on the ruckus. The clip-clop of heels on tile grew louder, until Mrs. Cullen finally rounded the corner.

“Oh, of course! Silly me, you must be Bella.”

She was tall and impossibly svelte, with sparkling blue eyes and dark brown hair that never moved. A dress of midnight blue satin swayed at her knees, just as pristine as everything else in her orbit. She greeted Bella with a dazzling smile that was almost creepily similar to Edward’s, before snapping her head back towards the kitchen.

“Bree! I told you to use the white serving dishes, not the green,” she called. “We have company tonight, remember. And find out where that smell is coming from.”

“Yes, Mrs. Cullen!” replied a squeaky voice.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Mrs. Cullen,” Bella interrupted with a shy smile.

“Wonderful to meet you too, dear. Here, let’s move to the living room while we wait for Dr. Cullen. Hopefully he’ll be home any minute.”

She ushered them in, and Bella perched on the corner of the sofa for fear of mussing up the furniture. Edward came down beside her, his arm resting along the back behind her. She was surprised by his relaxed posture; from what she could gather, making a dent in the cushion would be enough to have him taken out and shot. Brushing off the skirt of her dress, Mrs. Cullen finally came to rest daintily on a pink upholstered chair on the other side.

“I’m so delighted to finally meet you. Edward’s been talking about you for so long that we were starting to think he had made you up.”

“No, I’m real,” she replied, laughing somewhat nervously. “Between school and visiting home, my schedule has been packed, especially with midterms coming up.”

“I’m sure. Sophomore year was difficult for both of mine, but now the business school seems to have poor Edward chained to his desk. I still can’t believe he’s almost a senior,” she sighed wistfully. “Rosalie is graduating so soon. One day they’re saying their first word, and the next they’re graduating and going off into the world.”

“Oh Mom, don’t start,” groaned Edward.

“It’s true!” she countered. “Bella, don’t listen to him. Men never understand these things. When you have your own, he’ll understand.”

Bella shifted in her seat. They’d barely been in the house for five minutes, and his mother was already talking about children. She wasn’t sure if all the baby talk lately was as pointed as it felt, or if it was simply the luck of the draw. It was probably the latter. People just like talking about their children, and it’s not as if they’re discussing cholera or the finer points of gutting a fish. Babies are cute. Everyone has them. They’re just an inevitability.

“Speaking of Rosalie, will I be able to meet her tonight? I’ve seen her with Emmett once or twice, but I don’t think we’ve ever really spoken before. I’m excited to meet her for real.”

“Carlisle is picking her up on his way home from work. You’ll get to meet everyone at once.”

 “Couldn’t have planned it better, could we?” Edward added. “Did he say when he’ll be home?”

She sighed, rolling her eyes. “You know your father. He’ll stay another hour if a patient so much as sneezes. Sometimes I wonder if he’s actually married to the hospital,” she giggled. “Oh dear, I almost forgot: can I get you something to drink, Bella? We have wine, soda...I thought about opening some champagne for the occasion, but Rose doesn’t like it.”

“No, thank you.”

Bella’s response went largely unnoticed. Esme began fussing over the drink cart in the corner, sifting through the various glass bottles filled with gin and vodka and some blue mystery liquid that was either an exotic liquor or misplaced glass cleaner. Bella was grateful for the music drifting from the record player by the fireplace; the bright, jazzy number filled the silence, and she could feel herself beginning to ease back against the cushions until the pitter-patter of small feet came up from behind her, making her jump.

 “Mrs. Cullen, dinner is ready.” It was that voice again. She turned to find a girl not much older than herself, wearing a pink collared dress with an apron that was already stained with what looked like chocolate. She was pale, with dark hair that she wore in a bun, and her eyes seemed to dart anxiously around the room as if she was watching a tennis match, first at the guests, and then at the furnishings.

“Wonderful. You’ll need to keep it warm for a bit longer while we wait for Dr. Cullen.”

“No need,” a flat, smoky voice responded from the foyer.

Two more stars entered from stage left, one a dead-ringer for Errol Flynn with a smile like a toothpaste commercial, the other for Veronica Lake with an expression to match. She did not carry herself with the same warm, attentive energy as her mother, but with an aloofness that came off as equally defensive as it was haughty. Her dress was burgundy and form-fitting, accentuating the sort of curves that Bella dreamed about. How was it possible for an entire family to look like this? They could have been on the poster for some kind of German breeding program.  All three rose, and Edward and Esme bounded over to greet them with their guest in tow. His wife greeted him with an enthusiastic kiss, her brother with a continental kiss on the cheek.

“Edward, aren’t you going to introduce your pretty little friend?” she crooned, her  gaze almost piercing Bella’s flesh in contrast to her smile.

“Give us a second to breathe, Rose.”

Rosalie only rolled her eyes, brushing past them on her way to the drink cart.

“Pop, this is my girlfriend, Bella Swan.”

“She’s darling, isn’t she Carlisle?”

“That she is.”

The loud and sudden impact of glasses coming from the living room snapped Bella’s attention away from the pleasantries. Rose filled her lowball haphazardly with ice, followed by enough amber liquid to almost cover it.

She reached out her hand. “Nice to finally meet you.”

“A pleasure to meet you too, Bella.”

Esme beckoned toward the next room, with their maid scurrying ahead to the kitchen as if something was on fire, which wasn’t such a remote possibility. She couldn’t help but pity the girl, especially on a night like tonight. In fact, she wasn’t sure if being the maid would be much worse than being in the hot seat for the next two hours.

“How was work, darling?”

“Fine. Things are finally quieting down,” he sighed. “No one else has been brought in since Katie, so I should be able to enjoy my birthday this time. I’d love an entire uninterrupted evening for a family dinner.”

“Which is ready, so let’s not stand here while it gets cold. We can all catch up some more after we sit.” 

Edward placed his hand gently on the small of her back as he lead her into the dining room.

“See? They love you already.”

Dinner was an affair. She couldn’t imagine eating like this all the time, with someone else plating her food and filling her glass in the kind of room you save for when the Pope visits. Everyone chatted pleasantly about school, the new arrivals at the maternity ward, Edward’s upcoming race, and the next DAR charity event that Esme was spearheading. Bella nodded politely and giggled at the doctor’s jokes between stirring bits of food around her plate. Despite some hiccups, most of her fears had been avoided. They thought she was pretty? Bella suspected they wouldn’t be so convinced if they knew how long it had taken her to get ready. While she wasn’t upset about being a fifth wheel, the anticipation of her inevitable turn in the conversation had her twisting the napkin in her lap. 

“So Bella Swan,” Carlisle began. “Any relation to the police chief?”

“Yes, he’s my Dad.”

Carlisle nodded in approval. “I knew I’d heard that name before. Wonderful job he’s doing. Forks has never felt safer since he was promoted. Have you met Bella’s parents, Edward? I’d like to invite them to dinner.”

“Just the chief. Bella was making dinner for him just the other night.”

“You cook?” his mother asked cheerily. “So nice to see they’re still teaching homemaking skills. Has she cooked for you?”

“Not yet, but I hear she makes amazing lasagna.”

“I’ve had a lot of time to practice. If I didn’t, I think my dad would have starved to death by now. He’d live on ham sandwiches if I let him.”

Oh no. She quickly realized that she had wandered into dangerous territory. She rarely spoke about her parents’ situation, especially in polite company. She didn’t know anyone whose parents weren’t still married, and the uncomfortable looks she got from people when she was forced to correct them were especially tiresome. So what if they were divorced? She still didn’t understand why it everyone acted like it was such a scandal. People grow apart, and sometimes they needed to split in order to be happy. What was so wrong with that? Whatever it was that had lead to the blowout between Renee and Charlie, she knew she wouldn’t have been able to stand another second under that roof with the both of them.

“Your mother doesn’t cook? Who taught you then, your grandmother?”

“No, she did, but it’s just my dad and I now.”

“Oh he’s widowed, the poor thing,” Esme replied, her voice dripping with pity. “How terrible. I couldn’t even imagine.” Edward cleared his throat.

“No, my mother is in Florida, actually. She just remarried a few years ago.”

The room fell silent. Rose, who was borderline sullen for most of the evening, finally looked in her direction, peering curiously over the wine glass she’d raised to her lips. Bella looked back down at her food, taking another bite of tomato to buy another few seconds of silence for herself. Esme shared a quick look with her husband.

Carlisle finally broke the silence. “Ah, I see. That’s a shame.”

“Bree! We’re done with the salad. Come clear the plates for us.”

It was as she’d come to expect. Surely whatever goodwill she’d garnered in the last hour was gone, she thought. She looked at Edward, who was avoiding eye contact and appeared to be just as uncomfortable as she was. She’d told them the truth about her parents, and they still had two more courses to go.

___________________________________________________________

He knew he should have talked to her about it first, but it seemed unlikely that the subject would come up on the first visit. Her parents’ divorce was not much more than an odd quirk to him, but the very concept of divorce seemed to cause a rift in Carlisle and Esme’s reality, if not that of their entire social circle. He had hoped they’d avoid this awkwardness for at least one evening. Of course _he_ knew that Bella was perfect. Hell, the ring was already picked out. This was the next big step in the process, and everything had to look perfect. They should have rehearsed things more, perhaps given her a list of no-go topics and things about her life to keep to herself. He couldn’t bear their disapproval, not after he’d found The One. But it would be fine. A pretty, perky girl who cooks and doesn’t dress like his sister was a surefire win in their book; someone he could take to cocktail parties and company dinners. Bella would fit right in with their society friends. They’d forget all about her mother soon enough. Well, until the rehearsal dinner, that is.

Rose was the one who would need some convincing. She never liked the girls he dated. She always had some nickname for when she talked about them because she never bothered to learn their names, things like ‘Buttercup,’ ‘Mrs. Cleaver,’ ‘Princess,’ and worst of all, ‘Ginger-Tits.’ To be fair, Rose didn’t especially like anyone outside of her inner circle. All the nice girls they knew seemed to set her teeth on edge, and it appeared that his current girlfriend was no exception. He bristled at the thought of more mockery, especially targeted at Bella. Rose could find fault with anyone.

He’d kept watch over her face for most of the evening, waiting for every smirk and sigh that she’d become known for. He didn’t want to care what she thought. He didn’t want to care what any of them thought, but he was aware of its importance every waking second. He knew exactly what was expected of him and of his sister, and therefore what would be expected of Bella. Luckily for him, Bella’s natural state was sweet, sociable, and very ladylike. As long as her personality didn’t take a sudden turn, presumably via a sharp blow to the head, they had nothing to worry about.

As the dessert plates cleared, Bella excused herself to the ladies room under Rosalie’s watchful eye. Rose made for the living room with the quick grace of a lioness where she began freshening her drink, her brother following close behind. He wasn’t going to bother waiting this time. The suspense was killing him.

“What?” he asked, already somewhat agitated. Rosalie eyed the doorway, her smile poisoned with hint of schadenfreude.

“Nothing.” She stifled a laugh with a sip of bourbon. “She was perfect until she dropped that bomb. You almost had them fooled.”

“What do you mean, ‘fooled’?”

“She’s too perfect,” she replied flatly. “Like she was made in a secret government laboratory. There’s something off about her.”

His voice sank into a lower register. “There’s nothing ‘off’. That’s Bella. You just can’t believe she’s genuine because you only act like a lady when you have ulterior motives.”

“Or maybe it’s that I know acting when I see it. Takes one to know one, I guess. I’d bet you five dollars your little angel's got secrets.” 

“You know,” she continued, glancing at him from the corner of her eye. “I think it might make me like her if she did, or at least I’d respect her for it.”

Edward clenched his jaw, finally turning away to pour himself a few fingers of scotch while he regarded her darkly. He didn’t know why he thought Rose would be any different.

“You don't know anything about her, Rose. She’s not like you. Bella couldn't lie if she wanted to.” He swished the liquor around his tongue. Rose was just jealous, of course. She had guys salivating over her left and right, but not any who'd actually want to marry her. Bella wasn’t pretending. Bella didn’t need to pretend. She would fit in with the family well, and she didn’t need to lie to get there.

He watched the doorway intently as she emerged and took a last minute look at her reflection in the silver mirror in the hall, taking a deep breath before hitching up the corners of her mouth into a smile and rearranging a lock of hair.

“Whatever you say, baby brother.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Don't worry, Jake is coming back very soon. Fate has a funny way of bringing people together.


	4. The Leader of the Pack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You had my curiosity, but now you have my attention."

 

 

 

 

_"By the way, where did you meet him?"_  
_"I met him at the candy store_  
_He turned around and smiled at me_  
_You get the picture_  
_"Yes, we see"_  
_That's when I fell for the leader of the pack_

**_The Leader of the Pack_ ** _-_ _The Shangri-Las_

* * *

Bella sped down a remote stretch of highway, with nothing but thick stands of redwood trees in sight. Another cloudy day had set upon the peninsula, bearing down on the people below while still refusing to make up its mind. She was used to the rain. Florida was lousy with it. She could still remember the howling winds of a string of tropical storms that marched through when she was in high school, downing trees and electrical lines while the rising waters ushered snakes and alligators into the streets. By the time she left for Washington, she barely even noticed it, but something about the weather today was adding undue stress.

The ride home the night before was much as they always were. Edward regaled her with amusing anecdotes from practice or his business classes, and she pushed herself to match him, though this time she was running especially low on energy. He didn't seem to think the evening had gone anything but swimmingly, and maybe it had, but keeping up with all of them, along with her unexpected admission, had worn her out. Edward kissed her goodnight at the front door, and he had barely started his engine before she kicked off her shoes and trudged wordlessly past her father, who was thankfully asleep, to her room, where she passed out cold. She awoke late the next morning wearing only the bottom half of her pajamas, her dress in a deflated pile on the floor. Even after sleeping in until nearly ten, peace still eluded her, and Charlie was all too eager to hear about dinner. She needed to get out of here, away from her house, the town, the Cullens. In times like these, only the peaceful seclusion of the woods could ease her mind.

She turned on the radio, letting her thoughts weave in and out of music and news bulletins. Every few minutes, the sound would begin to grate on her, and she'd switch it off in protest, but soon the silence would become just as irritating. Off and on. Off and on. Over and over again as she journeyed further towards the ocean, hoping she hadn't missed the turn already. It was well into the afternoon by this point, though the gathering mist would have had you believe otherwise. She coaxed her truck into fifth gear and finally elected to turn off the radio for good, when a brown shape darted out of the forest and into the road.

She shrieked, trying and failing to swerve out of its way, before the shape made contact with the bumper, eliciting a loud crack. She yanked the car off the road and onto the shoulder, where she sat for either two minutes or twenty, panting as she stared down at the steering wheel.

"Shit!"

Oops. She wasn't supposed to be talking like that. 'Sailor talk,' her dad called it. She was supposed to be on her best behavior, but even after a couple years, things still slipped out.  _Oh, well. It's not as if anyone was around to hear it._

She stumbled out of the passenger door and into the grass, looking everywhere for some sign of what she'd hit. She followed a small trail of blood from the road and into grass, eventually leading into the trees. Whatever it was, it looked like it had limped off into the safety of the forest. Now that the creature was safe, it was time to check out the truck.

"Shit! Shit shit shit!"

The right corner of her car was covered in blood, a chunk of hide and hair stuck in the grate like a piece of spinach in its teeth. Disgusting, but not nearly as worrisome as the softball sized dent above the headlight. Although it was just an accident, she didn't need a lecture from her father when she got home. If she got home, that is. She still didn't know if the car was still safe to drive, nor did she have any idea as to how she would determine that. Flagging down a passing car sounded like the only option. She closed her eyes and leaned against the driver door, trying to calm herself with the sound of the wind in the trees, which was quickly overruled by a long roar of thunder, or what sounded like thunder, at least. This was too long, though, and growing louder by the second. There was something very familiar about it that seemed to flip a switch in her memory.

Her eyes popped open to find an equally familiar frame barrelling towards her from the other direction. He was sitting astride a dark red motorcycle, wild black hair fluttering in the wind above his leather-clad shoulders. Luck had definitely not been on her side the last few days, but it looked like it was taking a turn for the better. The way things were going, maybe she should try playing the ponies. The engine whined as he slowed to a stop beside her.

"Well looky here," he drawled, his teeth flashing like a beacon. "What're you doing in my neck of the woods, sweetheart?"

It was happening again. Any progress she'd made towards soothing her drumming heart was officially out the window. She frowned.

"What's wrong, late for your cotillion?"

"Something hit me," she replied sourly.

"Something hit you?"

"Or I hit it, I guess. I'm not sure. It just came out of nowhere. I didn't see what it was, but it was kind of big."

He dismounted, pulling a cigarette from behind his ear and wedged it between his lips, releasing the flame from a silver lighter to lick at the end. She'd forgotten just how tall he was. He would have been intimidating if it weren't for that boyish face. His eyes flashed upwards from the embers to give her a quick once-over, almost as if he was avoiding looking at all.

"You okay?"

"Mostly, but my truck isn't." She sighed. "My dad is going to kill me."

"I'm gonna take a look," he said, tipping his head towards the hood.

"You don't have to do that-"

He strolled around the truck, scrutinizing the front end with the concentration of a physician, and she in turn was watching him with similar consideration. She hoped this guy actually knew something about cars. Half the boys she knew liked to talk a big game about their cars but weren't really any more skilled than she was.

"The blood doesn't belong to you, does it?"

"No, thank God. Just the furry thing."

"It was a deer," he said, pulling out a tuft of soft brown hair and holding it out to her. "They're pretty stupid. They see a car coming and they just freeze up and let you run them over. 'Kamikaze deer,' I call 'em. You're lucky. It could have smashed your windshield, too. Those aren't cheap to fix."

"The deer should be alright though, shouldn't it? It could still walk. It wandered off somewhere right afterwards."

"Nope. It's probably already dead. If it's still alive, it won't be for much longer. The wolves will be by any minute to finish it off, or maybe a bear."

"Are you serious?"

"Yup. You just killed Bambi's mama."

Squeamish by nature and an animal lover at heart, she winced at the thought. She chewed her lip, staring at the mess on her car while the wheels turned frantically in her head.  _Just my luck_.  _As if this weekend wasn't eventful enough._  A puff of smoke wafted up her nose, and she felt her fingers start to twitch. She promised she wouldn't.  _Oh, what the hell. Desperate times._

"Hey, c-can I bum a smoke?"

"Sure sure."

He rummaged one from his pocket, which she eagerly accepted, pulling much too hard from the lighter that he held open for her. He laughed as he watched her grimace and immediately cough it all back out.

"Wow, you're taking this really hard."

"No, I'm not," she grumbled, staring hopelessly at the gore decorating the bumper.

"Yeah, you are. Why are you so worked up?"

"Because I just killed a fucking deer!"

His eyes widened in surprise as a massive grin spread across his face, and soon enough he doubled over, his roaring laughter reverberating off the side of the mountain. This guy was going to start an avalanche if he wasn't careful.

"That's not very ladylike, Isabella," he responded between breaths. "I'll have to go get some soap to wash out that dirty mouth."

"Oh, don't act like yours isn't!" she snapped. "And  _don't_  call me Isabella!"

He continued chuckling as she glared back at him, thoroughly annoyed by his inability to take any of this seriously. If Edward were here, he would have been trying to comfort her, though come to think of it, he would have been the one driving. She blew a lungful of smoke at him and stomped away, pulling herself up onto the bed of the truck. She puffed away, intentionally looking away from him and into the trees.

"Never said it wasn't. I just thought you were a nice girl."

"I am a nice girl!" she fired back. "I'm just tired and I've had an awful weekend. And to top it all off, now my dad is going to kill me for messing up the car. Oh, and I guess we can add 'animal murder' to the list now, too."

"Why 'awful'? Did the country club burn down?"

"Oh, shut up." She quickly brought the end back to her lips and took a deep breath.

It looked like her first impression was right all along: he was rude. Paired with his smile and his physique, it felt like false advertising. She heard the pop of the hood opening, and she looked over her shoulder to observe. He pulled off his jacket, and the hem of his shirt had risen up his torso as he bent over the engine, exposing the hard lines etched into his stomach. Her gaze slid slowly all the way down his spine to the waistband of his jeans, which hung a bit low around his hips. As he tinkered around under the hood, she couldn't help but wonder how a man, a regular man, could look like that. Edward was certainly fit from his years on the team, but he didn't look anything like this. The metal hood slammed shut. Suddenly conscious of both her thoughts and her wandering eyes, her head whipped back around to the trees as his heavy footfalls approached.

"You might want to ease up there, sweetheart. Your lungs aren't black enough to handle that kind of abuse just yet."

"My lungs are fine," she pouted. "It's just been a while, is all. I promised I wouldn't."

"Daddy doesn't like his little girl sucking on cancer sticks, huh?"

He leaned against the tailgate next to her. Even when sitting higher up, she still had to look up in order to meet his eyes. Did he have any other expression but that irritating, mocking smile? It was one thing to be patronized by the people she knew, but some smart aleck hooligan was another.

"No, I told- it doesn't matter," she finished, her tone taking on a harder edge. "All I wanted was to get away from everyone for a while, enjoy the woods, and now...wait, how did you know my name was Isabella?"

"Your name is 'Bella.' I can put two and two together. Plus, I saw how bent out of shape you got when I said it, so I figured I must be right. Am I a great detective or what?"

She rolled her eyes. "Sure thing, Sherlock. I meant it, though. I hate it when people use my full name."

"Why? It's not a bad one. It sounds like the name of a mobster's daughter or something."

Her laugh was cut short by a cough as the smoke was caught mid-exhale. "Yeah, uhuh. Maybe we can meet Bugsy down at the speakeasy later."

"Oh, it's gonna take more than a drink to call it even now that I've saved your life twice," he chuckled, suddenly closer than she remembered. His dark eyes were still teasing, but there was something elusive behind it that she just couldn't put her finger on. Her heart began to pick up again.

"Twice?"

"Yeah, you said your old man was going to kill you if you screwed up his car."

"My car," she corrected. The only thing she didn't like about her pickup truck was everyone assuming it wasn't hers. At first he seemed somewhat taken aback, as per usual for her, but then suddenly intrigued.

"You're telling me that you, a tiny little white chick who probably doesn't even know how to change a tire, owns a '59 Chevy pickup?"

"Yeah, I do," she replied crisply.

"Really?"

"Yes really! And I  _do_  know how to change a tire. It's just that nobody will let me do it myself," she grumbled, sliding down onto her feet from her perch. The embers had retreated down to the filter, and she dropped it onto the ground, crushing it into the gravel. He stepped closer, chuckling as he loomed over her. She could practically feel the heat radiating off his skin, and her mind immediately wandered back to the night they met.

"I'm impressed. I hope you never have to use your skills out here, though." He leaned in. She shouldn't be this close to him. She'd never been this close to any guy, save Edward. She should have moved, but for either the lack of brain power or willpower, she held still.

"Girls shouldn't be out here all alone, you know," he murmured, his lips turning upward into a wicked smile. "I hear there might be wolves."

She blushed, still frozen in place while he challenged her to some kind of staring contest. He had to be messing with her. Why couldn't he just be a regular good samaritan instead of trying to collect her irritation as payment? She finally looked away, realizing that she would only get redder the longer she stayed this close to him. He snorted at her retreat, and beckoned her back towards the front of her truck.

"Well, there's nothing wrong with the truck except for the dent. It's in pretty good shape, actually. You've been taking good care of it." She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thanks. I really love this car. Now I just have to figure out what I'm going to say to my dad about the damage."

"Don't tell him anything."

"Oh, really?" She scoffed. "And park in the woods for the rest of my life? I think he's going to notice on his own."

"Not if it's fixed before he sees it. C'mon," he said, patting the driver door. "Get in and follow me." She eyed him suspiciously.

"Where?"

He swung his leg back over his bike and the engine roared back to life.

"Just up the road," he yelled over the noise. "I know a place."

They wound through strange roads and mountains, further into the peninsula than she'd been since before she could drive. The weather had mercifully begun to clear, giving her something more than the glow Jake's tail lights to go on. They finally pulled into a smaller town, where he lead her into the lot in front of weathered blue building with a massive garage door. There sat a yellow mustang with about half a dozen boys coming in and out, most of them shirtless. The radio was blasting from somewhere in the back while they worked, though it looked like only one or two were actually working. She slammed her door shut and looked at him hesitantly.

"Let's go, sweetheart," he said, waving her on. "They should be done with Ricky's car in a minute."

"Are we on the reservation?"

"Yep. Home of the best shop in the state."

She followed him closely behind, taking in the sights and the activity around her. Everyone seemed to look up as he approached, greeting him almost in unison. They were all tall like him, though some were clearly much younger. The smallest, who was by no means small, trotted up to him with the exuberance of a labrador.

"Hey! I thought you weren't coming in until tomorrow."

"I wasn't. I thought I was going to get a break from you kids, but I had an emergency."

"That emergency wouldn't happen to be in a skirt, would it?" called another from under the car. She blushed, realizing they were talking about her.

"Shut the hell up, Paul. Your stupid mug is the real emergency here, and nobody can fix that."

He rolled out to scowl at him, red-faced and ready to fire back. He locked eyes with Bella when the man beside him, tall and stoic, shoved him back under.

"Don't get him started. He already tried to punch Quil earlier and we just got him calm enough to finish this monster."

A sign hung above the door, the red paint chipping off to reveal a decade worth of rust and hail damage.  _Clearwater & Black. Why does that sound familiar?_ She could feel several sets of eyes on her, regarding her with either curiosity or suspicion. The scene should have made her nervous. These were the kind of looks she only got on the rare occasion that she slipped up, which reminded her somewhat painfully of the night before, but at least she could tell they were being honest instead of wearing those unnerving perma-smiles she was used to seeing at school. On further consideration, she should have felt even more nervous being in a dirty garage surrounded by Quileute boys twice her size.  _Why not?_

"So who's your friend?" one of the younger boys yelled from the back, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Her name's Bella, you little twerp. She met a deer by accident and is in need of our valuable services." He gestured to it with his thumb, and their eyes followed.

"Aw, you messed up your old man's truck? No wonder you're so jittery."

She opened her mouth to protest, but to her surprise, Jake beat her to the punch.

"It's  _her_  car, smartass. Now quit messing around and get to work before Leah comes out and rips you a new one." He turned to Bella and reached out his open palm. "Keys, please."

She gave him a faint smile and dropped them into his hand. No sooner had she let go of them than he flung them at the smaller one's head, who only just barely caught them in time.

"Think fast, Sethy! Bring it around and then you can help Quil pop out the dent and make it pretty."

"Why do I have to help?" Quil whined. "You always make me do the nasty stuff."

"Because I said so. And because you need to stick your eyeballs back in your head," he added sternly. Quil lumbered after Seth, giving Jake a pointed glare before quickly correcting himself when he noticed she was watching.

"Little shit," Jake cursed under his breath. "Sorry about that. You want a coke or something? This shouldn't take very long."

The boys weren't staring anymore, but she could still feel their eyes on her. They didn't seem hostile at least. The truth was that she was parched, her condition further aggravated by the previous attempt at fire-eating.

"Yes, please."

He lead her into the back, the commotion of both the boys and the radio fading into a low hum. He reached into a rusted refrigerator and pulled out two glass bottles, popping off the caps with just his fingers. She fell back heavily onto the dusty couch that had been shoved into the tiny space beside it, taking a huge gulp and letting out a heavy sigh. Nothing about this day had been what she wanted, or even what she'd expected, but despite her waning jitters, she was already feeling better. He was fumbling for his lighter again. He sat down beside her, taking a long drag.

"So where are you from, honey?"

"Forks," she replied. "Well, technically. I was born here, I lived in Florida for a while, and then I moved back a couple years ago."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

He gave a short laugh in his throat as he inhaled again.

"Why would you leave Florida? It's warm all year. It's all beaches and palm trees and stuff."

"And sharks, and alligators, and mosquitoes, and hurricanes. You're just trading one kind of chaos for another."

"I think I'd still take my chances with the sharks if it meant I could go to the beach year-round. But really, though."

She paused, carefully considering how honest she should be for the second time in as many days. All traces of sarcasm had since left his softened features, his eyes fixed on her as he waited for her reply. Was he actually...interested?

"My mom got remarried when I was still in high school. She finally had her big 'fresh start' like she always talked about, so I told her that I wanted to live with my dad for a while so I could go to college in Washington."

"And she bought that?"

She eyed him carefully, searching for traces of judgement. Since she stepped off the plane, not a single person had questioned her motives. Most people seemed to have a low opinion of her mother, as if she had thrown all caution to the wind, abandoning her family to join the circus or run after some surfers to go chase the perfect wave. 'Of course you wanted to leave with a mother like that,' was the general consensus, though no one would ever say it directly. Charlie was too happy to have her there to give it any further thought, which was fairly typical for him. But there was no judgement in his eyes, no disapproval, not even discomfort. She regrettably could not say the same for another boy she knew.

"I guess she did," she replied quietly, swirling the remaining soda around in the bottle. "It's for the better, though. I want her to be happy."

He stared at her, his face etched with incredulity, almost pity. Her eyes panned upwards to meet his, and for a moment, she could almost see her reflection.

"So what, you have to pretend to be happy so your mom can ride off into the sunset with her new man? Sounds like bullshit to me."

She had no time to respond, or even for his words to register, before they were interrupted by a yelp and the loud crash of metal on metal.

"Hey!" he barked, craning his neck around towards the source of the commotion. "What the hell was that?"

The office door swung open, and out stalked an impossibly pretty girl, her copper skin striped with dirt, as were her faded blue jeans. Her icy glare was directed behind the mustang. She let out an aggravated sigh, looking up at the ceiling as if she were asking God to send down a bolt of lightning. She was tall, like the rest of them, with cropped back hair framing her face and a pencil tucked behind her ear.

"Looks like Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dumbass broke the shelf again. I'm taking that out of your paycheck too, Call. Now both of you fix it and clean up this mess."

Two heads popped up over the roof of the car, belonging to Quil and the other boy, who was laughing nervously as Jake rose to assess the situation.

"It's fine, Leah. It'll take care of it. I'm sure there's homework they've been ignoring and I promised their parents I wouldn't keep them out on a school night."

"And what about you, Black? You're gonna sleep in homeroom? Or are you just skipping every day now?"

"I said it's fine." His command was firm and final, and the other three went quiet.

_Homeroom? Is this guy still in high school?_ He looked old enough to be a teacher at a high school, not that his style or his attitude would land him a job with children. She watched the way their eyes dropped, the bizarre kind of reverence that even the girl shared, and it hit her: this man, this giant boy, the middle child of this strange family, was the leader, and despite their whining and lip, they loved him.

"Whatever," she replied resentfully, turning heel back around towards the door. "Just tell your girlfriend we only take cash."

"I'm not his-" Bella squeaked, hopping to her feet.

"-It's pro bono." He glanced over his shoulder to give her a wink. Leah was unamused.

"Pro what now?"

"Pro bono. It's Latin. The truck's on me."

"Figures," she scoffed. "You can barely speak our own language but you know goddamn Latin. No wonder the elders are on your case all the time."

She continued muttering as she exited, slamming the office door back behind her. The stark contrast between her beauty and her temper was jarring, but Bella couldn't help but find her bluntness oddly refreshing. Decoding people's words and expressions to figure out what they really thought was exhausting, and having to keep her cards close to her chest was even more so. Nobody needed to wonder what this girl was thinking.  _She certainly commands respect, too. I'd be happy if just one person took me as seriously as they do her._

He walked Bella back to her truck, briefly checking the site of the injury before nodding his head in approval. Miraculously, the dent had disappeared, with only a scratch or two in the red paint to indicate that anything had ever happened. No blood, no hair, and no lecture from Charlie. This really was the second time he had saved her from a bad night, but she couldn't be entirely sure why. He didn't seem like the chivalrous sort, like Edward. He didn't treat her like she was made of glass like everyone else did. He had no obligation towards her, no sense of duty, and yet here she was, drinking his soda and telling him about her mother as if they actually knew each other. Maybe she was just tired of staying quiet. Maybe his candor was enough to crack the dam that held back all the parts of her that would alienate everyone she knew. Maybe this guy was different.

"Sorry about Leah. It's not personal; she's like that with everybody. She only really likes Sam." He leaned against the side of her car, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Looks like you're all set. No need to be worried about those clowns touching your baby, by the way. I wouldn't have let them put their hands on it if they didn't know what they were doing."

"No, Jake, it's fine. It's great," she stammered. "I'm really grateful, but you know you really didn't have to do all this. I can take the heat from my dad."

A satisfied smile grew on his face. "So you do know my name. I wondered."

Color began to grow in her cheeks again. How could she forget? It would have been easy, though. She was terrible with names, but a near miss would be enough to sear his name into her memory. And the scent of his clothes. And deft touch of his fingertips. No wonder he was so good with this hands. An intrusive thought flashed before her eyes.

_No, Bella. Stop that._   _That's wrong. You have a boyfriend. You love Edward._

"You're pretty memorable."

"Oh I am, am I?" His smile instantly stretched into a wide grin. He leaned in closer. She could feel her heart starting to race again. She didn't understand how he had this effect on her, how he could stop her in her tracks just with one look. A tiny voice whispered from the back of her mind; the devil on her shoulder, egging her on, making her breath grow shallow. His intense focus was becoming overwhelming.

"I didn't help you because I thought you couldn't handle yourself. I know you're tougher than you look."

"Then why?"

"Because I wanted to."

A spike of adrenaline surged through her veins. She should be suspicious of his intentions. She should be wary of his close proximity, of the way he seemed to invade her space without her even noticing. But more than anything, she should have been wary of the way she welcomed him in.

"Thank you," she breathed.

"Anytime, sweetheart."

She swallowed, shaking her head to rid herself of those thoughts. She needed to stay in the present instead of letting herself wander off again like that. She groped around for the door handle, letting it slowly creak open.

"Bella. Call me Bella."

"Okay," he chuckled, stepping backward to break the trance.

"I'll see you later, Bella."

He closed her door, patting the hood as she restarted the engine. As she watched him walk away, a little prayer escaped her lips.

"I hope so."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know you were waiting for a heaping spoonful of the wolf boy (as was I), and I'm glad I could finally deliver. I'm happy I get to have the wolf pack in this one, because they're probably my favorite characters in the series.
> 
> Please let me know what you think in the comments, and thanks for reading!


	5. I Will Follow Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Opportunity knocks, and she has no choice but to invite it in.

_I will follow him, follow him wherever he may go_  
_There isn't an ocean too deep_  
_A mountain so high it can keep me away_

 _I must follow him, ever since he touched my hand I knew_  
_That near him I always must be_  
_And nothing can keep him from me_  
_He is my destiny_

_**I Will Follow Him -**  Peggy March_

* * *

Bella made her way down the stone steps leading out of the social sciences building onto the mossy cobblestone path that flowed throughout the campus like the venetian canals. She could already feel the pressure of finals mounting as they rolled through April with barely enough time to catch her breath. An ever-growing to-do list had taken up residence in her head: choose a book for her literature essay, a topic for her history research paper, prepare for the last biology lab (which would hopefully not include a fetal pig again.) As nerve-wracking as it could be, she needed to stay busy. It was the easiest way to keep her mind off things, especially things she didn't want to think about. She had barely negotiated the last step when Alice's form materialized into her peripheral vision like a popup book.

"Bella!" she chirped. "You're late again."

"Sorry. I had to talk to the professor about the reading last week and I guess I got sidetracked."

"Well you're here now, and that's what matters. We'll just need to book it if we want to eat before the dining hall stops serving. I don't want to get stuck with the scraps again."

Alice carried on for the entire walk to the dining hall, mostly about who she'd seen on  _Ed Sullivan_  the night before. She nodded, supplying the occasional "Wow" or "Mm-hmm" while the other eighty-percent of her conscious thought drifted elsewhere.

"You're not listening, are you?" Alice said with a huff.

"What? Oh, I'm sorry." She blinked as if it would help her regain focus. Whatever is was she'd been puzzling over was suddenly forgotten, as if waking from a dream.

"What is going on with you lately? You've been really weird," her friend said petulantly, though she was somehow still just as bubbly as usual. She admired her ability to sound cheerful in any situation.

"Nothing," Bella replied, forcing a smile to wipe away her vacant expression. "I'm just stressed out."

"Everything's alright with Edward though, right?" Hard feelings already forgotten, Alice seemed to bounce in place as they joined the line for lunch.

"Of course. Why wouldn't they be?"

"I don't know. I just haven't seen you two together a lot lately. I thought you might have had a fight or something. Could Edward even fight with you? He seems too mature for that."

"No, we've both been busy. We don't even have a month left until finals, for crying out loud. I haven't finished reading the last two chapters for biology. It's all driving me bananas."

"Fine," she sighed. "Just don't leave him alone for too long. I'm sure he misses you, and you don't want someone to try to snatch him away. There's a queue of girls who'd probably poison you to get to him if they thought they could get away with it."

She couldn't help but picture girls stationed in the trees outside her dorm room window with binoculars, ready to pounce on him like a mountain lion when her back was turned.  _Great. Something else for me to worry about._

They collected their plates and settled at a table by the window that looked out onto the gardens beside the math building. It was sunny, the warm breezes ushering students along like boats. They were finally easing into summer weather, which came as a relief to the perpetually cold Bella. She was reminded of just how much she missed Florida every time a day like this graced them with its presence.

She didn't want to be such a space-case, but she was getting very little cooperation from the rest of her brain. After the incident with her truck, she had become less interested in leaving the room they shared, effectively disappearing into books, whether they were for reading or pleasure. Her thoughts never seemed to stay in the same place at once, and reading was one of the few ways she could wrestle back control. She stirred her broccoli around the plate, plowing a trail in the cream sauce that was pooling around the remnants of chicken.

" _Sounds like bullshit to me"_

Once you said it out loud, perhaps it did. She couldn't help but wonder how it was that, if it was so obvious, no one had pointed it out. It was fine, though. She liked Forks just fine and she had more friends than she'd ever had in Florida. The girls in Jacksonville were rather snippy, even though they were less prim and proper, and she didn't like the freckles on her skin that seemed to multiply with every passing summer. Still, she sometimes found herself aching for her mother and the breathtaking view of the ocean from their deck.

She looked up from her plate to see Edward gliding through the throngs of students and towards their table. He looked happy to see her, relieved almost. Alice caught her staring and gave her a knowing smile when he finally arrived. He bent over the table, planting a chaste kiss on her lips that made her friend giggle.

"Hi, darling," he murmured as he pulled away. "Hey there, Alice."

She nodded through a mouthful of food. "Hi, Eddie."

He sat down beside Bella, his collared shirt somehow without a wrinkle in the recent heat. She wondered if his constant state of aesthetic perfection was the result of many trips to the mirror or a pact with the devil.

"How're things, Edward?" she asked, taking his hand. He smiled.

"Much better now. I haven't seen you in a while. I almost forgot what you look like." He chuckled, giving her hand a light squeeze.

Alice gave her an unambiguous look from across the table.

"I know, I'm sorry. Things have just been a little hairy lately."

"What she means," Alice interrupted, dabbing her mouth with a napkin, "is that she's been studying way too much and desperately needs to take a break. I swear, she's going to become a hermit if someone doesn't intervene."

"Then it looks like I arrived at the perfect time. I wanted to see if you were free for dinner tonight."

A real break and a real date sounded like just what the doctor ordered, even if she was going to be spending half of it thinking about Incas and arthropods. She needed to see him again. She missed him. She could afford to spend a few hours enjoying herself, even if she'd have to endure Alice's scrutiny before she walked out the door.

"I'd like that."

"You and Jas are welcome to double with us, if you want," he added.

"Thanks, but I've already got a hot date with the library tonight. Jas is going to help me with my statistics homework." She rose, clearing her plate from the table and giving a quick wave goodbye.

"And then there were two. So I'll pick you up at six? I was thinking Portofino's."

"Sure, that sounds great."

"Good," he nodded, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you at six."

As always, the dining room of the old bistro was dimly, lit only with oil lamps and a small fixture that hung above the entryway. Sure, the tablecloths were that awful red gingham and the old wooden chairs were lopsided, but there was something calm and intimate about the place. Edward had taken her to nicer restaurants in Port Angeles before, with wine lists and multiple forks. They were beautiful, but this place was still more romantic, stains and all.

The waiter seated them at the table against the wall, the very same one where they ate on their first date. She was so nervous that night. This was where she'd slurped her pasta puttanesca too hard and accidentally slapped herself in the face with a noodle, and he laughed and wiped the drops of sauce from her nose. He was so sweet. His gaze never strayed, nor his focus, no matter how much the waitress batted her eyelashes. One date turned into two, then three, and then that was it; he asked her to go steady, and she was hooked.

He was acting a little more antsy than usual. After ten minutes browsing the menu, he had spent very little time actually looking for something to eat. Most of that time was spent looking at her, making her turn red once she was aware she was being observed.

"Edward," she giggled shyly from behind the menu. "What is it?"

"Nothing. I just like looking at you."

It was times like these that she had trouble believing he was for real. Maybe he wasn't. Maybe he was a con man, or a russian spy, or Count Dracula hunting young girls to add to his army of the damned. He certainly looked too perfect to be a real person. But then he gave her that look, the one that made her feel like she was the only girl in the world, and she decided he probably wasn't. Still, his unusual attentions were making her uneasy. It reminded her of his parents a little too much.

The restaurant was beginning to pick up, which was expected when the Friday night movies let out or during summer vacation, but unusual for a Wednesday. She couldn't tell whether it was the noisy patrons that had him on edge, or something else. The breadsticks arrived at the table, and he finally made a last-minute decision to order, settling on the venison. She could only manage a bite before caving to her curiosity.

"Alright, what's going on? You're starting to scare me."

"Scare you? Well, we can't have that now, can we?"

He smiled and let out a short breath, leaning in close. The sparkling in his eyes reminded her of his major victory at the race last fall.

"I was going to wait until later to tell you, but I guess I can't hold it in any longer. Are you ready?"

"God I hope so," she replied warily.

"You remember the man from the pharmaceutical company I told you about? The one my father introduced me to?" He was nearly holding his breath at this point. She nodded. "Well, he invited Pop and I to lunch yesterday, completely out of the blue. He wanted to know all about school and my career plans and whatnot. Apparently Pop's been talking the guy's ear off about me and decided we just had to meet."

She cocked her head. "For lunch? That's odd. What did he want to talk to you about?"

"He started telling me about an internship that his company does every summer for juniors and seniors, and he thought I would be a great fit. Twenty minutes later, he's shaking my hand and telling me to cancel my vacation plans."

"Are you serious?" she asked. The pitch of her voice rose, aided by his infectious excitement, and she reached across the table to grab his hand. "That's amazing!"

"And there's more."

"There's more?"

He leaned in closer, lowering his voice so only she could hear.

"Don't spread this around, but my dad says that if I do well, they'll almost definitely offer me a job when I graduate. He said the last guy they hired after an internship started at around eight grand a year."

Her fork dropped to the table with a clink. "Eight grand? Holy...cow. That's-"

"-fantastic, right? I know. This is bigger than big. Just think of it, Bella: by this time next year, we could be in Seattle, with a huge apartment overlooking the Pacific. Doesn't that sound perfect?"

Her heart dropped. She could see it too; a stylish high-rise apartment emerging from a bustling city filled with smoke and car horns and yelling, women dressed to the nines with heels and matching hats as they trot down busy sidewalks, the prospect of needing an elevator to get into her own house.

Her own house.

"Seattle?" She blinked.

"That's the other thing I wanted to tell you," he began. "That's where the office I'll be working at is. Right in the middle of the city."

"But how would that work? Seattle's so far away." She could vaguely remember a car trip to visit relatives when she was a child, so young that she napped through most of it. It had to have been a four hour ride at the very least.

"Pop is going to get me a little place there for the summer. I'll only be a few blocks away from the office, so I won't need to drive everywhere like I do now. You'd love it there. It's such an exciting place with so much to do. I'll see if I can bring you up to visit while I'm there and I'll show you the sights."

"I don't know if my dad would agree to that."

As much as Charlie liked him, he was still leery of such things. The idea of her staying at Edward's apartment would certainly cause a ruckus back home, and she was far more interested in staying out of other people's whispers. The truth was that, despite the kind of posturing that came standard with membership in a men's college sports team, he was old fashioned to a fault, which proved to be both a blessing and a curse. The truth wasn't what mattered, though; it was all about how it looked.

"Oh, I don't mean like  _that,_ " he clarified, turning pink as he cleared his throat. "We'd find you a great little hotel for a long weekend, and I'll pick you up for dinner and take you to the Space Needle. Don't worry; once I tell him about the plan, he'll be helping you pack."

He wasn't wrong. Once he caught wind of this job waiting over the horizon, her father probably wouldn't care if she showed up naked.

"But we'll see how things work out," he continued. "I know you'll have your own plans with the Chief and all your girlfriends, and I don't want them to think I'm stealing you away from them." He gave her a teasing smile, but it was met with a confused, melancholy silence, and his expression quickly turned from elation to concern.

"Bella? What's wrong?"

She snapped back to the moment, realizing that she did not look as excited by all of this as he was. This was truly amazing news, and a big step for him and his career, but it had all been tamped down by silly worries about the future. Everything about this sounded picture-perfect. She should be jumping up and down with him. He looked so excited, and even though this was his accomplishment, he'd spent much of the conversation talking about what it could do for her. He was always thinking of her. A pang of guilt struck, creating a tiny lump in her throat. Then, another problem dawned on her:

"It's just...you're going to be gone for a while, aren't you?"

His concern was replaced with a sad little smile. He squeezed her hand again, stroking the knuckles with his thumb. She hated that look. It always meant someone was trying to sugar-coat bad news.

"That's the catch. The internship is almost three months long."

"Three months?" She nearly choked on a sip of water. "That's the whole summer!"

"I know, love. I'm so sorry."

An errant tear grew in the corner of her eye. She wouldn't get to see her mother all summer, thanks in part to her husband's freshly broken leg, and now Edward was leaving too. Her friends would be dashing off to Hawaii or the Hamptons or Paris for weeks at a time. Charlie, committed as he was to reconnecting with his daughter, was needed much more at the station, as the warm summer nights seemed to breed mischief. Loneliness had already burrowed its way into her heart, and he hadn't even left yet.

_There you go again, Bella. It's all about you, isn't it? He's taking a huge step forward for the both of you, and all you've thought about is yourself. Suck it up and be happy._

She swallowed, coaxing a cheerful smile onto her face. She was spared another moment by the arrival of the entrees, and retrieved her hand.

"No, please, don't be. This is such a great opportunity for you and nothing should spoil it. I'm really happy for you, Edward." She turned her attention to the ravioli, each bite helping her push down that lump of sadness that was already regrouping. "When will you have to leave?"

"Soon, unfortunately," he replied, dropping the napkin in his lap. "The apartment we're looking at comes furnished, but I'll still need a few days to unpack and get settled before the job starts. It's likely going to have to be the 15th."

"Of May?"

He nodded.

"Edward, that's the weekend after finals. You're wrapping up your classes and then moving the next day?" Her voice cracked. She was having trouble reining herself in again. First the whole summer, and now barely twenty-four hours between leaving his study-hole and leaving Forks.

"I know, love," he crooned. His voice was soft and soothing, like a lullaby. "But I'll see you all the time before then, and I'll come to say goodbye before I go. And after I leave, I'll call you whenever I have the chance. My place has its own phone, too, so I'll call you as soon as I get there to give you the address and everything. I know it's long distance, so we'll just have to decide what times you'll be free so I can call you."

"You don't have to do that. Long distance is so expensive. I can-"

"-No. You're not paying for any calls, and you're not paying for anything when you visit. I'll take care of everything. All you have to do is be here waiting for me when I get back."

"Of course I will."

He chuckled, his mood already lightened by her efforts. She had doubts about her acting abilities, but if Edward ever suspected anything insincere in her words or her temperament, it did not show. To her mind, the public performance she had created wasn't dishonest, just a different kind of honesty, one where she dug through the many layers of thoughts and emotions within to find the 'right' thought, the 'right' feeling. She would never spite his generous, loving spirit with an outright lie. He was good to her, maybe too good to her, even if his own version of reality didn't quite match up to the truth. He deserved the same attention and devotion, even if she couldn't conjure enough of it organically at this particular moment. She loved him, and loved being loved by him. There was safety that came with it. Security. Nothing could happen when he was around.

But on the other hand, nothing could happen when he was around.

He snapped for the waiter, who eagerly scurried through the busy dining room over to the table.

"Two coffees, and tiramisu for the lady." She was already full, but she knew better than protest. "I know it'll be difficult for both of us, but I'll keep myself busy with work and you'll have more time with all your friends since I won't be there to monopolize you. Trust me, a couple months will go by in a jiffy. I'll be back before you know it."

"You're right," she nodded. "It's just a couple months, and then you'll be back. It's practically no time at all. I guess it's a small price to pay for something this huge."

He sighed contentedly. "I knew you would understand."

Of course she did. She always did.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Left all alone with an empty summer and no one else to spend it with. I guess our girl is going to have to find something else to keep herself entertained.
> 
>  
> 
> Please leave your thoughts in the reviews, and thanks for reading!


	6. You Really Got Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She decides to liven up a very dull free afternoon.

_Yeah, you really got me now_   
_You got me so I don't know what I'm doin' now_   
_Oh yeah, you really got me now_   
_You got me so I can't sleep at night_

**_You Really Got Me_ ** _-_ _The Kinks_

* * *

Whether he had intended it to or not, Edward's promise proved a hollow one, though this was not entirely unexpected. Her watery eyes had no doubt prompted his reassurances that they would spend plenty of time together before his departure, but the better description would have been that they would see each other at every opportunity, of which there were very few. He was being pulled in four different directions at once: final exams, training for the last race of the season, preparations for the move, and his girlfriend. She had concluded that the other three were objectively more important, smiling and nodding as she was sidelined by his schedule.

The weeks were tedious and lonesome. Not only had her boyfriend all but vanished, but so had her friends. Alice's every spare moment was devoted to Jasper, whose life was similarly dominated by school and the rowing team. Hence, she frequently found herself stretched out on her dormitory bed, alone and surrounded by books and dirty laundry, the only solace being the freedom to dress as she pleased without Alice's harassment. As the deadline drew near, the day's passage began to pick up speed, practically breaking into a sprint, until the last day of the semester arrived at her doorstep.

But now there was nothing to occupy her. She had trudged through finals week without incident, the last trial manifesting as an array of preserved animals splayed open for her inspection the day before. The combination of the smell and the formaldehyde fumes, along with the very concept of the assessment, made her queasy. Though she had hoped for an A, a B-plus seemed like an equally impressive feat, given the circumstances. She would have been grateful for this single day of freedom between moving home and becoming a frog mortician were she not completely alone

Her small collection of belongings were long since packed, the room she and Alice shared stripped down to the bare bones they started with. The boxes were stacked in the corner, looking equally as forlorn as their owner, ready to be hauled downstairs and into her waiting truck the following morning. She turned her attention away from her empty room to the grass outside her windows. Students filed past with books and boxes, tossing footballs and gossipping on the benches under the old oak trees. She couldn't help but regard them with envy. She seemed to be the only one with an entire day to kill but no one to kill it with. That was the last straw.

_Nobody wants to come to a pity-party, Bella. You're going to have to make your own fun today._ She hastily stuffed her feet back in her navy tennis shoes and locked the door behind her without another thought. When she landed in the front seat of the car, she remembered that there was still no part-two to this great plan. But what plan did she really need? With a heavy sigh, she roused the engine and pulled out onto the open road, resolving to let it decide where it was going to take her.

The tiny town adjacent to the campus, which was barely a town at all, had very little to offer on a good day, and today was definitely not a good day. She could head to Forks, but she had no doubt that she'd grow sick of it soon enough after moving home again. So, the destination was west. Just west. She could still enjoy the quiet landscape around her while winding through paved roads pockmarked with potholes, though a distinct gloom was settling in. She felt her thoughts drifting again, hypnotized by mile after mile of trees and sheer cliffs. Either muscle memory had been leading her along, or the wishful thinking she had brushed aside had taken on a life of its own, because before she knew it, she was in La Push, cruising past the handful of shabby buildings that constituted the center of town.

"What the hell?" she cursed under her breath. She couldn't imagine what led her here, of all places, and the handful of residents she passed appeared to have the same question. This was certainly not her part of town, and it was painfully obvious to all parties involved. It wasn't an unfamiliar feeling; It was the same look she and Renee would get in the Cuban neighborhood back home. They were merely dropping by the bakery for guava pastries, but the patrons seemed to hold their breath. It bothered her as a child because she didn't understand why the other children ignored her, but Renee was wise to it.

" _They aren't mean, Bells. They're nervous. White people don't usually come here except to cause trouble. We can't blame them for being careful."_

As she wandered through, her eyes settled onto a garage with its doors wide open, and she realized where she had been going all along.  _No! What are you doing? Turn around right now! You were only here the first time because you were stranded. There's no good reason to come here. Charlie would lose it if he knew I was here._

As her destination grew closer, she saw that unruly hair poking out from behind a car jacked up off the floor. The older guy from before was up front, beckoning him to follow. The former lifted his dusty black shirt by the hem to wipe his forehead as he followed, exposing most of his stomach, and her breath caught. It was Jake all right. She should have heeded her own advice and turned around, but now it was too late; they locked eyes, his quizzical brow fading into a cocky smile. There was no going back now.

Her feet found the gravel. He waved the other off and sauntered over. He looked happy to see her, or at least not  _un_ happy to see her. Strangely, she was glad to be in his presence again, this arrogant boy she'd only bumped into twice. Even stranger was the way her shoulders seemed to relax, all while he was making her sweat.

"What did you hit this time, a bear?"

"No, an old lady. How much do you charge to buff out denture marks?"

He snorted. Why was this so easy?

"Which lady? If it's the one in Forks that likes to call the cops on us, then it's on the house. You'd be doing me a favor."

"Oh, really? I'll remember that when I need new tires."

"That's your price, huh?" he said with a chuckle. "I didn't know I could put out a hit on someone for so cheap."

She let out a short blast of a laugh. "I've never been to a cheap mechanic in my life. I'm sure the going rate for assassinations is still lower than what you all charge."

"Depends on what it is," he said, his deep voice slipping even lower. "I don't charge for  _all_  my services."

She could feel herself turning pink almost instantly. His crooked smirk was all the proof she needed that he was pushing her buttons for the fun of it. Perhaps she had spoken too soon. Taking note of her annoyance, he simply laughed it off, patting the hood like a dog.

"So what brings you all the way out here?"

_Crap. Use your brain, Bella. 'Oh, I just drove all the way here because I let my subconscious take control of the steering'? That's only slightly better than 'I don't know why I'm here or what I'm doing, but I'm oddly fine with it.' Think, stupid._

"T-the radio," she blurted out. "It's been acting funny and I thought maybe you'd know what's wrong with it."

It wasn't entirely a lie. Half of the issue was probably just the mountains interrupting the signal here and there, but the sound had been getting fuzzier with time.

"Aw, for a second there I thought you came to see me."

That teasing smile had returned, the one that made her squirm from the discomfort of being caught in his crosshairs. It was still a nice smile, though.

"Nope," she replied. "All business."

He gasped, clutching chest in feigned anguish. "Like a dagger to the heart, Bella! What a cruel woman." He noticed her pursed lips and relented. "Fine, come on inside. Let me help Sam with this one and then I'll take a look at it."

So that was Sam, the man who wouldn't take his head out from under the hood of the coffee-colored dinosaur parked out front, a weathered box of twisted metal bits beside him. The thing had to be from before the war, when her parents were still in school.

"Wait a minute, aren't you supposed to be in school right now?' she asked.

"Oh, who goes on the last day? I'll have to be there tomorrow at the crack, anyways."

"Don't know why you're complaining," mumbled the deep base over the clicking of tools. "First one of us to graduate and all you do is carp about having to go to the ceremony. What the hell did you waste all that time studying for?"

"It's a drag, and half of our customers come in on Saturday. I'd rather have the cash, but my old man won't listen. He's still mad about the girls."

"All the more reason for you to just shut up and do it. It's a couple hours, and it'd make him happy. He needs it after-"

Jake looked away before brushing past him towards the workbench inside. Bella settled onto an overturned bucket, observing Sam's careful ministrations, his face a blank slate. Serious. Impenetrable. It was a bit unnerving, as were all people with such a disposition. They were difficult to predict, to untangle. He seemed harmless, as did the others in the pack, but she still felt the need to tread lightly, especially given where she was.

"You don't have to sit there, you know," Jake called as he wandered back out, his face relaxed again. "It's probably dirty. I can grab you a chair- wait, no. Paul broke it yesterday. I guess I can get you a cleaner bucket."

"It's fine. I don't really mind." She pulled her hair up into a ponytail, letting her neck finally breathe in the humidity. "Congratulations, by the way."

"Thanks." His smile betrayed a hint of shyness, something she didn't know he was capable of.

She watched as they worked, squabbling and running back and forth between the driver's seat and the engine, but the car wasn't having any of it. It was steadfastly refusing to start.

"This is giving me a headache," Sam sighed. The back door opened, and out came the girl from before, though this time she wasn't on the warpath.

"You guys finished with that thing yet? It's been two hours already. I'm thinking of adding a 'Pain In The Ass' fee to this guy's bill."

"You wanna trade places? I'd much rather be inside counting pennies than doing actual work."

"Well first, you'd have to be able to count," she replied with a smirk. Her eyes darted over to Sam, and her voice softened ever so slightly. "You need anything?"

"We're fine, Leah," Jake answered curtly. "We'll get it done."

She glared back at him, and without another word, retreated to the office. Jake shook his head, and returned his focus to the car.

"It's gotta be the alternator. She's just not letting up."

"Well, we girls can be stubborn sometimes," Bella added.

"Don't I know it," said Jake. "I think we need to call up Lopez and give him the bad news." He glanced quickly through the office window, where Leah was scribbling furiously into a ledger. "I think you oughta do it, man. She gets a little too happy whenever we have to replace something expensive and I don't want him thinking we're screwing him."

He sighed, combing his fingers through his hair as Sam took his leave. With his eyes closed, he seemed to savor the moment's peace, slumping backwards against the car door. Even when he wasn't looking, she was still getting that feeling again, almost as if she were being spied upon. Observed.

"Well," he began, rousing himself. "You're alive and you're not locked away in a dragon-guarded castle. I'm guessing Daddy didn't find out?"

She shook her head. "I haven't been home much since then for him to notice, but by now I guess I can just blame it on something else. Pretend I didn't see it."

"Not a bad strategy, though it works a lot better for you than it would for me." He glanced up at the clock hanging high on the back wall. It wasn't until that point that Bella realized she'd been there for nearly an hour already. He strode further inside, the squeak of the refrigerator door accompanied by the tinkling of bottles.

"I'm getting a beer. You want one? Wait, do you even drink beer?"

"Yes and yes," she replied, rolling her eyes as she took the bottle from his hand. It was cheap, but smooth and refreshing after the last week. "Thanks."

He took huge swig of his own, probably amounting to at least a third of the bottle, though she suspected that it would take a lot to impair a guy like him. She, on the other hand, was a notorious lightweight, only able to manage two cocktails before she was ready to wear a lampshade. He paused.

"Did you go back to Florida?"

"Hmm?"

"You said you haven't been home."

"Oh, no. I've been at school. I'm actually moving out of my dormitory tomorrow for the summer."

He straightened his spine, crossing his arms over his chest as his carefree demeanor dipped. "You're at the college? You look sixteen."

"Twenty, smartass. And yeah." He grew quiet. She took a long sip of beer to fill the empty space. "It's good that you're graduating."

His eyes narrowed. "What, did you think I couldn't?"

The sudden turn gave her whiplash.

"No, that's not what I meant," she stammered. "What I meant was-"

"-that I'm a delinquent? That I'd just drop out like everyone else?"

"No, it's not!" She was alarmed by his sudden defensiveness, but the usual instinct to diffuse had disappeared. "There wasn't any hidden meaning in it. I'm glad you did. That's all."

_Just the 'Congrats' would have sufficed, you big idiot._

He didn't answer, finishing his beer instead and tossing the empty bottle into the trash. The tension had lifted from his shoulders, but he still was not himself, not that she even knew what would constitute 'himself.' She barely knew this guy, after all, and she couldn't help but feel foolish for having let her guard down, for assuming so much familiarity. Was that just his own version of her 'polite face,' acting friendly and gently ribbing her because she was a girl, and then running off to be vulgar and judgemental the moment she left? Possible, but it didn't sound right. He was clearly capable of being an ass, but malicious? No. Of that she felt certain.

"Radio?"

"Hmm?" she asked, emerging from her thoughts.

"You said it was the radio acting up?"

"Right." She climbed to her feet and followed him to the truck, watching him duck as he slid inside.

"I'll just need you to hand me stuff. My toolbox is over there." He pointed absentmindedly while he studied the various dials and knobs. "Hand me the screwdriver."

"Phillips or flathead?"

He paused. A one-sided smile cracked the hard, cool exterior he'd worn since their talk of school.

"Flathead."

He watched her retrieve it with a soft bemusement. Leaning over the seat, she placed it in his calloused hand. Even after receiving what he'd asked for, he was still looking at her. She raised her eyebrows in anticipation of a wise-ass comment that never came.

"When are you going to stop being surprised that I know things?"

To her relief, he was finally smiling again, chuckling to himself as he began unscrewing the hard cover.

"I'll never do it again."

She liked watching him work. His movements were careful, deliberate. His hands didn't so much as twitch when handling wires and screws that should have required tweezers. He broke the comfortable silence that had settled over them.

"What're you going to school for? You don't look like the MRS degree type."

She wrinkled her nose. "Definitely not. I'm majoring in history, but I'm not sure what I want to minor in. Maybe sociology."

"So what, you have to memorize all those kings and queens that're all named the same thing? I'd blow my brains out."

"No," she laughed. "It's American history, so I've only got about ten of those to remember, and even then only a couple matter."

"The queens are about all I can keep track of." He was gritting his teeth, trying to detach another piece without breaking it. "There's Victoria and the new one. Liz...something. Second or third. I forget."

"The one who took over the world, and the one who's probably going to have to give it back," she mused. "My favorite course didn't even mention any of them, though."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"Pre-Columbian American History. All the different native societies from South America all the way up to Canada before the Europeans showed up. It was really interesting."

"Didn't even know they taught that kind of thing outside the tribal schools."

She nodded. "I almost missed it, too. The only professor who taught it is retiring this year and there was just one class, so I had to rearrange my entire schedule, but it was worth it."

He regarded her curiously from the corner of his eye. She was a bit pink, no doubt. It happened whenever she became excited, though nervousness and embarrassment were most often the cause. He must have noticed this too, because a wry smile had bloomed where his reserved expression had been before.

"What a nerd."

"Maybe," she replied indignantly. "So what if I am?"

"I don't think I've ever met someone who gets that worked up about school. It's weird."

She frowned. "No, it's not. Lots of people like it. I'm guessing you don't."

"I didn't have time for it," he sighed. "The bills aren't going to pay themselves, and I didn't need to spend eight hours a day trapped in some shitty room listening to teachers complain about my hair in order to learn something. Anything I want to know, I can find in a book, and I can do that whenever I want."

From behind them came the sound of metal bits hitting the concrete floor like rain. When they turned around to look, Quil and his sidekick were scampering off in different directions, and she wondered if the boys actively tried to cause trouble, or if they simply had a knack for sniffing it out.

"How else do you think I finished school when I had to be here babysitting these idiots?" he continued, intentionally raising his voice to reach them.

"Hey, screw you, Black!" One emerged with a broom, looking sour.

"No need, Embry. Your mother's been taking care of that for me."

He turned away from the resulting string of curses, but caught her stifling a giggle.

"Hmmm, maybe it's not  _that_  weird." His eyes raked up and down over her rosy face before returning to work. "You're still a nerd, but it's cute when you do it."

_Thump._

He did it again, and this time with such nonchalance that she wasn't sure if she'd misheard him.

"A-ha," he grunted. "It was a bad connection, see?" Still red, she leaned over to see what he was pointing to in the mess of wires. "One of them was coming undone. That must be why it was acting up."

She fiddled with her bracelet while she watched him reassemble the radio, and she was happy to see it put back in one piece. Tools in hand, he slid down the seat until he was so close that she could feel his unnatural temperature again. A single eyebrow rose beneath his mussed hair.

"Can I come out, or do you want to keep me in here?"

She blinked, and it suddenly dawned on her. She scrambled backwards out the door, looking away as she brushed imaginary dust from her clothes. Quil and Embry seemed to have run off again, likely in the knowledge that they'd be put to work if Jake saw them again.

"Not that I mind," he added, smirking again as he climbed out.

It was strange how effortlessly he moved, like well-rehearsed choreography. That must have been what it was like to be so physically strong, though she suspected that her own grace would be unaffected even if she became Wonder Woman.

Matching her pace, they strolled back inside, where he began rooting around in drawers filled with tools, rags, and empty cigarette cartons. That was when she realized that this strange little adventure was over, and she could feel a quiet dread creeping back into her stomach. This place was...easy, somehow serene despite the inherent madness of having that many boys together at once. But she couldn't just keep making up excuses to bring her car here.

' _What'd you do to it this time, Bella?'_

' _Oh, my...headlight is...haunted.'_

Definitely not. Not to mention the fact that she had a very finite amount of cash these days. She shouldn't be here, either. She didn't belong here. But then came that tiny voice again, telling her to act against her better judgement.

"So," she began. "What do you guys do in the summer? Besides running this place, I mean."

"A bunch of stuff. Why?"

"No reason." A casual tone was the goal, but she wasn't sure that she'd pulled it off. He hesitated, quietly pondering something as he looked at her from over his shoulder.

"We hit the beach a lot when we aren't working. We've got a couple of the better ones in the peninsula that most people don't know about." He lit up and came to rest in the broken chair beside her. "I'd ask what you do, but it looks like you haven't seen the sun in years."

"Not for lack of trying. After spending half my life with water surrounding us on three sides, I've gotten kind of spoiled. The beaches at home are a tough act to follow, and the ones I've seen here are just cold and choppy. Not that it matters," she grumbled. "Everyone's gone this year. I'll probably just be working at Newton's store again."

"Sounds like you need to find some trouble to get into."

" _Right here in River City_ ," she answered dryly, making him snort. "I think the most we get in Forks is kids egging houses on Halloween. Though I guess if I did get in trouble, I'd finally be cool."

He laughed mid-drag, coughing on the smoke.

"Oh, you wanna be cool, do you?"

"Not especially." Her eyes involuntarily settled on the embers. "Sometimes I think it would be easier, but then I worry that I'd turn into the kind of girls that used to talk about me in high school."

"Yeah, I think you're safe." He offered her the pack, and her eyes narrowed as she plucked one out and wedged it between her lips.

"Ass," she muttered.

He was completely unfazed. In fact, she couldn't help but wonder what fact of her life would finally diminish her in his eyes. It was ironic then that the longer she went without sensing his disapproval, the greater her anticipation became. Relaxing was somehow making her anxious, but half a beer and some nicotine were beginning to quiet that persistent refrain.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the creaking of the rusty door hinge, where Sam quietly slid out, his reserve turned sour. He blew by, snatching up the toolbox and other items that were strewn about every horizontal surface. Jake's smile vanished.

"How'd it go?" he called, carefully watching Sam as he went back and forth.

For a split second, she could see the muscles in his back tense. "How did what go?"

" _Lopez,_ " he clarified in a low, firm voice. "What did he say when you told him?"

"He said he'll pick it up Sunday afternoon. We've already got the parts, so I figured we were good to close for the night."

"What time is it?" Bella interjected. The longer days made it impossible for her to gauge whether it was noon or dinnertime. It was more of an excuse than anything else; Tardiness was her other curse after klutziness, and one often contributed to the other.

"Quarter to six."

"Fuck!" she blasted, furiously stamping out her cigarette and jumping to her feet. The sudden rush of blood blurred her vision, and she wobbled in place before Jacob reached out to steady her. Sam, who had previously been pretending she wasn't there, jerked his head around in confusion.

"Careful! Don't faint on me, Bella. I'm all out of smelling salts. Here." He nudged her back towards her seat. "Just wait a minute."

Her eyes re-focused enough to see that he was leaning over her, his hand still on the small of her back.

"I can't! I'm late!" In a near panic, she rifled through her pockets for money.

"Well, it's a bit sudden, but I'll make an honest woman out of you."

"Not that! I'm no-" she sputtered, turning red again. "I have to go right now. Maybe if I don't change I can make it there before it starts." She tugged the sleeve of her shirt to her nose. "Shit, I smell like smoke. It's probably in my hair, too. Fantastic."

She slapped several crumpled bills on the table and allowed herself one more moment. He looked perplexed. If she didn't know any better, she wouldn't sworn he looked a little disappointed as well.

"Thanks for fixing my car again. This was fun. I just really, really have to go now."

' _This was fun'? Really?_

He began straightening out the money as she hopped behind the wheel again. His brows furrowed, and his attention snapped back to her.

"What the hell? This is too much!"

"Just put it towards my tab!" she shouted over the roaring engine. "I'll see you later, Jake!"

He grinned and shook his head in disbelief, watching her pull away until she was completely out of sight.

She didn't know how or when, but she knew that this time, her words were not a wish.

They were a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops. Time flies when you're having fun. It's too bad our little social butterfly had a previous engagement, but it looks like her summer schedule is wide open.
> 
> Please leave a review, and thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One little white lie wouldn't hurt anybody.

_Rescue me_   
_Take me in your arms_   
_Rescue me_   
_I want your tender charm_   
_'Cause I'm lonely_   
_And I'm blue_   
_I need you_   
_And your love too_   
_Come on and rescue me_

**_Rescue Me_ ** _-_ _Fontella Bass_

* * *

She knew she was breaking the speed limit, but she didn't care. She absolutely could not be late for this, and not just for his sake. Edward's sister had the eyes of a hawk and didn't seem too keen on her in the first place, so she didn't need to invite even more scrutiny, nor any more reasons for his parents to look at her like that again. Aside from saving her bacon, this race was important to him, and it was his last night in Forks before he left for Seattle. The thought still made her wince.

That's when the guilt settled back in. The few hour's reprieve made its return far more noticable, pressing down on her shoulders with both hands. Her boyfriend, who loved and cared for her more than anything, had only a few waking hours remaining before he left for the entire summer, and she was running late. To his final race of the season, no less! And for what, so she could lounge around drinking beer on the reservation with guys she hardly knew?

_Oh, no._

It finally occurred to her how this might appear from the outside. She couldn't imagine how Edward would react if he found out where she was. There was nothing untoward about their meeting, but it looked wrong from every angle. Jacob was a friend. Well, not quite a friend exactly; more of an acquaintance. Her boyfriend wouldn't see it that way; he'd understandably think she was running around on him. Even if he was as trusting as he appeared, he would at least lecture her out of fear for her safety, and then Charlie would send her off to a convent in Switzerland. Worries slowly turned to brooding. They both acted as if she were a fawn, just oblivious, naive, and ditzy, ready to wander into oncoming traffic if left to her own devices. She was perfectly capable of looking after herself, and she'd be damned if she was going to allow them to vet every friend she made.

Dozens of cars were scattered about on what was left of the grass. Muddy treadmarks were much more common here in the warmer months, like graffiti left by the many spectators that gathered there. The clock, which she had barely been able to tear her eyes away from the entire trip, read six-o-seven; late, but not late enough to miss the beginning, hopefully. The view of the lake was obscured by the modest bleachers planted along the bank. She jumped out, one foot landing in a glob of thick wet clay that nearly pulled off her shoe as she made a beeline for the small crowd.

Something caught her eye; a mass of red was peeking out from the shadows behind the bleachers. Upon closer inspection, it was an enchantingly beautiful girl, with milky skin and a sweet, girlish smile nearly hidden by her flame-colored curls. She was conversing with someone, gesturing with a cigarette between her fingers while her blonde companion giggled like a schoolgirl. It took a moment to recognize her, because for the first time since Bella met her, Rosalie was smiling. Not a smirk and not the candy-coated smile for her parents that never seemed to reach her eyes. Her carefree laughter carried over the distant murmur of families and athletes. The redhead leaned in very close, whispering something in Rose's ear that made her let out a squeal as she playfully smacked her friend across the arm.

It was a strange thing to witness. She felt like a naturalist on the savannah watching a lion play tag with an antelope. Of course Edward's sister had friends, more than Bella could ever keep track of, but they never seemed like anyone she was especially fond of; good for cocktails and house parties, but no one she'd name godmother to her children. Perhaps she'd finally found another girl who could match her looks and cool confidence, an oddly perfect duo of ice and fire.

It was a fitting comparison: finally sensing that they were not alone, their chatter came to a screeching halt, and the blonde fixed her with an icy stare, tracking her as she went by.

_Damn it. She's going to tell Edward I came late. Guess I can kiss getting on her good side goodbye, and the night hasn't even started yet._

She quickly looked away, maintaining a wide berth around them as she jogged onward in search of someone she knew. The crowd suddenly burst into raucous cheering, and by the time she'd pushed through to the water's edge, the teams had already set off. Their wake set off tiny waves in the once still water, and though she couldn't make out any faces, the waning sunlight bounced off the gold tresses that could have only belonged to Edward. She groaned and angrily kicked at the dirt. He was probably upset, wondering where is girlfriend could possibly be other than right here, giving him his customary good luck kiss. What the hell was she thinking? She gazed over the water, entranced with her own guilt as she watched the boats get smaller and smaller. Footsteps approached over the soft hum of idle chatter, and the last person she hoped to speak with settled beside her.

Rose stood there in silence, never once acknowledging her presence. Minutes passed without a word. Bella found it unbearably tense, as if she were watching a horror movie, waiting for the monster to pop out. But it never came. In fact, it might have been better if Rosalie had torn into her as she expected. She looked like the sort of girl who could neatly slice you into pieces with a few words. No sting. No blood. Just a sad little pile in the dirt where a person used to be. She shivered.

"Bella!"

The both turned to find Esme gliding towards them, looking serene but oddly absent. Rose cursed under her breath.

"Oh, Mrs. Cullen," Bella squeaked.

"I've been looking for you two. Edward said he didn't see you while they were setting everything up."

_Here it comes. Another strike against me in the Cullen family. I'm really dishing out the disappointment tonight, aren't I?_

"We were in the ladies room," Rose said by way of explanation, her voice low and deadpan.

Bella froze, dumbfounded by the gesture, and finally nodded in confirmation.

"Oh, of course, of course. I was just about to powder my nose as well. You'll keep a lookout, won't you? I can never remember how long these things are," she laughed. "I wouldn't want to miss the end."

"Sure, Mother," she replied dismissively. "We'll let you know."

"Wonderful. I'll see you girls in a jiffy." With that, she turned heel and made her way towards the concrete block hut that housed two sinks and a handful of toilets. The blonde rolled her eyes and turned her attention elsewhere.

"Rosalie...Thank you. I'm sorry I was late. I was-"

"-Don't tell me. I don't want to know."

"Oh." The abruptness stung a little. "Well, thank you."

The boys were on their way back, their oars scuttling over the water like centipede legs while the crowd began to liven up again. All except this pair.

Bella sniffed, a single tear trying to escape the corner of her eye as she braced for the impact of Edward's return. What was she going to tell him? The truth was out of the question, but she had never told him an outright lie. It felt so wrong. It  _was_  wrong.

"Tell him it's your time of the month," Rose murmured.

"What?"

"Tell him it's your time of the month. That's why you were gone so long. He won't question it."

Bella immediately turned scarlet.

"T-that's so embarrassing! I could never tell a boy something like that." Rosalie shrugged.

"It's your funeral."

Bella gulped. Maybe just this once. There was no good reason to tell him. It would only cause needless trouble for them both. She shouldn't spoil the evening for him because of her boneheadedness. Maybe it would be for the best.

"I can smell the smoke on you, by the way," she added with a subtle smirk.

Bella groaned. "I knew it! What the hell am I going to do?"

"You're going to take a mint and be fine." She dropped a little white pellet in her hand, which she gratefully accepted, rolling it around her tongue to cleanse herself for the inevitable kiss. She was still mystified by this turn of events from start to finish. For some strange reason, Edward's surly vixen of a sister was throwing her a line.

"Your little friend is coming," Rose remarked.

"My friend?"

"That bouncy little pixie that never stops talking. Jasper's girl.."

"You mean Alice?" she asked, craning her neck around to spot the girl bounding towards her.

"Sure, why not," she replied with a twitch. "I'm going to go collect my mother now."

Eager to avoid Alice and the others trailing behind her, Rosalie disappeared. The speed and grace with which she moved while in heels was a scientific marvel. Was that genetic, or did she just miss the day they covered that in home economics?

She greeted Alice with a hug and listened to her gush about Jasper and Edward, whose team was maintaining a narrow but steady lead over Washington State, which Alice had apparently predicted from the start. It had been far too long since they'd spent any real time together, and Bella had forgotten just how contagious her exuberance was. To be honest, she didn't mind her friend's motormouth; keeping conversations going with her friends could be difficult, partly because she wasn't one for small talk, and partly because the list of things she had in common with them was growing smaller. Things were changing, and it wasn't clear if she was ready. She couldn't put her finger on it, but she couldn't shake the feeling that something was coming, that she would find herself at a crossroads at which there was no turning back.

Their attention snapped back to the lake. The crowd roared, the whistling and high-pitched cheers breaking into applause as a voice came over the loudspeakers:

"And Aberdeen College wins this year's intercollegiate finals!"

Bella nearly went deaf from Alice's overjoyed screams. The boys climbed out, panting and sporting wide grins while they dabbed at their faces with a towel. They eagerly waved their boyfriends over, and Alice was soon swept up in his arms for an impassioned kiss. Edward staggered close behind, almost drunk from their victory, and followed suit. She couldn't help but smile; he'd sacrificed so much for this, and it had paid off. So much…

"Bella," he murmured. "You came. For a minute I thought you weren't coming." His smile faltered. "You weren't here when we pushed off." She squeezed him around the waist.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I…"

She locked eyes with his sister, who was approaching them with a beaming Mrs. Cullen in tow.

"...I got held up. You know...girl trouble."

"Oh," he replied quickly. "Well, I'm glad you're here now. I couldn't leave tomorrow without seeing you aga-"

"-Oh, darling! I'm so proud of you!"

Esme flung her arms around her son, nearly suffocating him, until he was able to extract himself from her embrace. He glanced sharply at Rosalie, who nodded in reply, and he let out a weary sigh.

"Um, thanks, Mom. Do you know where Pop is?"

"Oh, you know your father. Work, work, work. But he wanted me to tell you how proud he is, and that he should be home to see you off in the morning."

He shook his head. "Right."

He looked crestfallen, but not surprised. It was strange; the Cullens seemed so close and involved in each other's lives, perhaps save Rosalie. She felt another tiny stab of guilt knowing that she could have just as easily been the one to cause that face, or to compound it.

"Oh!" She gleefully clapped her hands together. "I thought we could all go out to dinner together to celebrate once Eddie finishes up here. You and Jasper and invited too, Alice."

"Thanks, Mrs. Cullen," Jasper replied. "Hopefully it won't take very long."

"Angela!" Alice called. "You made it!"

Angela gave a reserved smile as she wandered over, offering congratulations while the others inquired about her finals and her family's upcoming vacation to Hawaii, all sick with envy.

"Hey, where's Eric?" asked Alice, bringing the conversation to a sudden pause. "I thought you said he would be here."

She sniffed. "No...he couldn't make it tonight. He asked me to tell you all he's sorry."

Jasper's expression darkened as he studied her face. "What happened?"

She pressed her lips together and looked at the ground as if she wanted to cry.

"An officer came to his uncle's house this morning. Jimmy's been killed in action."

* * *

They leaned against the cool cinderblock wall, watching the teams load everything up, and darkness began to settle over them. A ribbon of smoke curled upwards from the cigarette nestled elegantly between the redhead's fingers.

"So where's Emmett tonight?"

"Busy," Rose replied, chewing the inside of her cheek.

"Sounds like he's been busy a lot lately."

"Yeah, well, things aren't going quite like we planned."

"Oh?"

Rosalie greedily plucked the smoke from her hand and took a long drag, crossing her arms in front of her chest. She knew she shouldn't so soon before dinner, but it wasn't as if Esme was going to notice.

"He's fighting me on the deadline. I think he's having second thoughts."

"What, do you think he'll renege?"

She shook her head and handed it back. "It's a done deal. He's just between a rock and a hard place. I think he's blowing off steam while he can, and then he'll simmer down."

"My parents have been bugging me about it for a while," she continued. "I don't have an excuse anymore, but it's better than staying in Hooterville longer than I have to." She glowered over at the group surrounding her brother. "But maybe Snow White over there can keep them all occupied, or at least keep Eddie occupied."

"Yeah, occupy his brains out."

"Vicky!" Rose howled. She immediately clapped her hand over her mouth to stifle the hysterics. Her friend joined in, her laughter like tinkling bells. "No," she continued, wiping her eyes. "That little boy scout would never impune her honor. I'm sure she'd hop in with him given the chance. They all would."

Victoria rolled her eyes. "Why do you always hate his girls?"

"I don't hate them. They get on my nerves. He always picks these dumb sweetie-pies that Mom and Dad will approve of."

"She doesn't look dumb," she replied dryly.

"No, she doesn't. She's a baby, though. Probably harmless."

"Then why do you look like you sucked a lemon?" chuckled Victoria.

"Because I had to be the one to save her ass."

"Oh, really?"she asked, raising her eyebrow. "And why would you do a thing like that?"

She frowned. "I have no idea."

Victoria's laugh rumbled in her chest. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you liked her."

Her powers of perception had always been a double edged sword. They'd kept the two of them out of trouble more times than she could count. Victoria was the only one who was ever able to see inside her head, which was as comforting as it was irritating. They'd known each other for too long to expect anything less. As things were, there could be no secrets between them.

"Don't be cute," she huffed. "This one's different, is all. Kind of interesting. I guess that's a good thing, since we're probably stuck with her, but I get the sneaking suspicion that we might have more in common than I thought."

"You don't mean-"

"-No. I just think baby brother might be in for a rude awakening if she doesn't wise up. That would be pretty entertaining though, wouldn't it?"

They watched her mother cackling along with Alice, their unnerving cheeriness no doubt snowballing into something intolerable. Dinner was going to be a nightmare.

"Esme looks happy," mused Victoria.

"Oh yeah, she's having a very happy day."

"I'm guessing they're new."

Bitterness seeped into her voice. "She's going to make a permanent dent in the sofa at this rate.I thought she would have at least laid off for tonight. It's when she goes out in public that's the problem. She's like a toddler."

"Then it'll be good practice, won't it?"

She didn't want to think about that. Those thoughts were stupid, and they should have died years ago. The universe had dealt her a strange hand, one where her dreams should have been easy enough to just reach out and take. But she could not have both, just one or the other, each demanding sacrifice like a vindictive Greek god. It could have been easy. It should have been. Her entire life had been set up to give her exactly what she wanted, but it was all thrown into chaos by fate, or God, or whatever the hell decided these things. Once she found herself staring down the barrel of her decision, she realized that it was not only her life that she was altering, but theirs as well, and she prayed they wouldn't grow to resent her for it. A heart broken once could heal, but twice would be her undoing.

"You'll be there tomorrow, right?"

"You know I will. I'd ask if I could sit with your parents, but I'm sure they'd have a cow."

"Of course they would. You're the whole reason I went bad, remember?"

"How could I forget?" Victoria replied with a wry smile, and nudged her with her elbow. "No, you were already like that when I got here, Rosie. You just needed a little...encouragement."

With the moon reflected off her mossy-green eyes and a mischievous smile playing on her lips, it was hard for Rosalie to imagine that she could have ever gotten here by herself.

Or that she would have made it by herself.

"I'll see if I can slip away after the ceremony," Rose murmured, her face softening as she finally turned away from the festivities. "How long will you have?"

She squeezed her eyes shut and stamped out the remaining embers in the dirt. "We take off at seven-fifteen. They're sending me to Santa Fe, then it's Houston and Chicago before I'm back in San Fran."

"Will you be back for the party?"

"Maybe. I'll see if I can work a flight to Washington that week."

Maybe. She hated that word. The road to heartache was paved with 'maybe's. Maybe Vicky would move back to Washington. Maybe they could move far away from Forks and only see the family on holidays. Maybe everything would work out as planned.

Sure, and maybe she'd become an astronaut or a new member of The Supremes.

"And you'll write me?"

"Every day."

It was madness. All of it. The thought of not having Victoria there on such a big night left a bitter taste in her mouth, but so would her presence. The end of the summer would mark the end of life as she knew it. 'Maybe' would have to do for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seems like nobody can catch a break. But with Edward so far away, she's about to have to step outside her comfort zone. Maybe she'll find that it wasn't so comfortable to begin with.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	8. Jimmy Mack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's fallen in a hole. 
> 
> Someone gives her a hand.

_My arms are missing you,_   
_My lips feel the same way too_   
_I tried so hard to be true, like I promised to do_   
_But this boy keeps comin' around_   
_He's tryin' to wear my resistance down_

_Hey, Jimmy, Jimmy_   
_Oh, Jimmy Mack, when are you comin' back?_   
_Jimmy, Jimmy, oh, Jimmy Mack, you better hurry back_

**_Jimmy Mack_ ** _\- Martha & The Vandellas_

* * *

Bright and early, Bella rose from her bed like a mummy, groping around for her headboard and the floor. Charlie had no doubt been up since before six, as was his habit. Though breakfast had been her responsibility throughout high school, he'd been indulging her for the last week. She returned to her empty dorm and wept into the late hours of the night, and things had not improved much since she left for her childhood home. Her dreams offered little relief, all peppered with visions of him; carrying her through dense green forests, being threatened by snarling packs of wolves, or simply vanishing without a trace.

It certainly felt like he'd vanished; Edward had graced her with a single phone call so far to regale her on the wonders of the job and the apartment. It was brief, much more so than she hoped, though she could have easily kept him on the phone for hours just to hear his voice. After promising to make up for it on the next call, he hung up, somehow making her feel worse about the arrangement than before. But she could only mope around the house for so long before she was in desperate need of an occupation.

"Morning, Dad," she croaked as she shuffled into the kitchen.

"Morning, Bells. I was starting to wonder if I was going to have to come get you myself. Trouble sleeping again?"

She nodded. The sunlight was bearing through the kitchen window, it's annoying optimism feeling almost intentional. Charlie continued fumbling through the drawers in search of something, before the toaster popped to reveal slightly blackened toast.  _Pain flambé_ , as she called it.

"You starting at Newton's today? I can drop you off if you want."

"That's alright," she replied. "Mike said that I didn't need to come in until ten, so I have a little while. They don't get a lot of customers first thing in the morning."

"Makes sense," he grunted, placing coffee and a plate of toast in front of her. "I ought to be back around six."

"I'll be off before then, so dinner should be ready by the time you get home."

"Great." He fastened his belt around the waist, and patted his pockets for his wallet. He bent down to kiss the top of her head. "I'll see you tonight."

She was infinitely grateful that Mike and Jessica had found each other. He had been persistent to the point of obliviousness in the years she'd known him, and it wasn't a given that it would have been tempered by Edward's existence. Still, it was a good summer job. Quiet, steady but generally ungregarious customers, decent pay, and the chance of cookies baked by Mrs. Newton. Hardware wasn't exactly her line of expertise, but she appreciated the little things she picked up from listening to Mike or Mr. Newton assisting customers. Most important though was the money. Renee had always been insistent that her daughter have her own money. Her savings account was relocated when she moved, and she agreed to put in at least a quarter of everything she earned. Renee learned the importance of financial independence the hard way during the divorce, though Charlie tried to send her money on multiple occasions. Bella still wondered what she would ever spend it all on, but she did not touch her savings, as promised.

"Hey, Bella." The sudden noise from behind made her jump, and she wheeled around to find herself face-to-face with Mike, who was smiling sheepishly at her reaction.

"Sorry," he chuckled. "I always forget. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind looking after the store for a bit. It wouldn't be for too long. I just need to run some errands for my mom while Dad's out.

_The chance for a moment's peace? Hallelujah._

"Sure. I don't think you're going to miss anything. It's been pretty quiet up front today."

A trend that continued. Out of sheer boredom, she began organizing the extra stock, tidying the counter, and giving the floors the aggressive sweeping that they were crying out for. The solitude at work was welcome, but she didn't care for being left alone with her thoughts at the moment. They all seemed to drift back to Friday.

" _Bella, love," he said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "Please don't cry. I'll be back before you know it." She sniffed._

" _I know. It's just...we've never been apart this long. I don't know what I'm going to do without you."_

_He hugged her tightly around the shoulders, pressing her into his chest._

" _You're going to have a great summer with your high school friends, and I'll call you all the time. And who knows? Maybe we'll see each other if I can bring you up to the city. Doesn't that sound nice?"_

" _Yes," she hiccupped._

_He buried his nose in her hair, little tremors rippling from her body. He was right. He'd be back. She was being a baby. It's not as if he was on vacation; he would be working hard every day, and he didn't know anyone in the city. He'd be just as alone as she was, but all she would have to do is stay put, spend her days reading and hanging around town. She didn't have it bad at all. She was being spoiled again._

" _Wait for me."_

_He raised her chin to meet his eyes, giving a sad little smile as he pulled her in for one final kiss. Tears clung to her lashes like dewdrops on a spider's web. She waved, only barely able to see him through the haze, as he and Jasper drove away._

She was trying not to dwell on it. Angela's news was weighing heavily on her, too. A boy she'd known since she was sixteen was gone, with no rhyme or reason. Everyone agreed that he was brave for volunteering, but the devastation left in his wake made her wonder why they were fighting at all.

She couldn't comprehend any of it. It was far easier to stay busy. That would surely make the time go by faster. She dug through the boxes on the back shelves in search of errant washers and screws that needed to be returned to their bins. The place was a mess, almost as if the Newton's waited the whole year in hopes that she would do all the heavy cleaning for them. She didn't mind it too much; it was a force of habit for her at this point, though she prayed that one day she wouldn't have to clean up after someone else. She was on her tiptoes, trying to shove a battered cardboard box onto the top shelf, when the door opened, clapping the bell against the glass.

"I'll be right with you!" she called, grabbing a rag to wipe the dust from her hands as she dragged herself back to the counter. She was supposed to be keeping a close eye on the front of the shop, but she had already organized it all. When she rounded the corner, her heart nearly jumped out of her chest.

"W-what are you doing here?"

All six foot-something of Jacob was grinning at her, clearly amused by how quickly she'd turned into a stuttering idiot. His cropped hair was mussed again, battered by the wind.

"Gee, I'm great, Bella. How're you?" She blushed and tossed the dirty rag behind the counter.

"Sorry, I was just surprised to see you here."

"In Forks or in here?"

"Both."

"I was in the neighborhood," he explained.

"Business or pleasure?"

He leaned in, resting his sculpted arms on the counter. The sleeves of his black shirt migrating upwards in a vain attempt to cope with his bulging biceps.

"Why not both?" he replied with a smile. "I needed to pick up a few things in town."

"A comb?" He snorted.

"No, just the usual stuff: Rope, rat poison, maybe some tape, and a really good shovel."

"Good thing you're in a hardware store, then. Did Quil and Embry finally get to you?"

He laughed. "No, but they're cruisin' for a bruisin'. LIttle twerps skipped out Paul the other day to chase after a couple girls, and I swear he was gonna release the hounds. I'm gonna start a pool to see who tries to strangle them first."

"I know I only saw Paul the once, but I think the smart money's on Leah."

"You're probably right. Joke's on them, though; Claire's already got a boyfriend and Christine turned up her nose at both of them."

"Actually," he continued. "I came to see you."

"Me?"

"Yeah, is that alright?" he chuckled.

Putting her on the spot again. She ought to have been used to it by now, but he never seemed to run out of ways to trip her up. The memory of their last meeting was too entangled with the rest of the evening, and she realized she'd been shelving any thoughts of him along with the rest.

"Uh, sure. You're alright - I mean, yes, it's alright."

"Glad to hear it. You see, I've got some business with you, too."

"What do you mean, 'business'?"

"I mean," he said, straightening up. "I've finally figured out how you're going to pay me back."

She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Oh, really?" Bella asked, somewhat incredulous. "And how am I going to do that?"

"Simple: I saved you twice, so you owe me twice. I decided I'm gonna call in my first favor now."

He couldn't be serious. She fully intended to pay him back for helping her, but this was not what she had in mind. There was something inexplicably intriguing about it, though. This bizarre arrangement was tempting, and curiosity soon overruled her remaining doubts. The way things were going, what did she have to lose?

"What could I possibly do for you?"

"Clear your schedule on Friday."

"What? Why? I have work on Friday."

"Nope. You're going to get a cold and call in sick."

She balked. "What for?"

"It's a secret," he whispered, pressing a finger to his lips. She rolled her eyes.

"You can't just say 'It's a secret' and expect me to go along with it. You have to tell me  _something._ "

"What, don't you trust me?"

_Yes._

_Wait, no._

"Maybe," she huffed. "Or maybe I just like being prepared."

"Fair enough," he shrugged. "Meet me at the shop at two, and bring your bathing suit."

"My ba-what?"

He began retreating towards the door, his mouth twisting into a wicked smile, and shook his head.

"Jake? Jacob!" She stomped her foot, already beyond frustrated with his coyness.

"Don't you dare leave! Tell me what's going on."

He let out a deep belly laugh, even though she probably looked as if she was about to leap the counter and come after him.

"Alright, alright," he said, trying to pacify her. "You want a hint?"

She nodded furiously. With one foot out the door, he looked back, the wild, mischievous eyes of a teenage boy peering out at her from within a grown man.

"Bella, you're gonna be a cool chick."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She had a cat once, as a young girl; small and black, like a puff of soot with eyes, that followed her everywhere. One day, as she was sitting on the front porch with her copy of  _Little Women_ , he trotted up to her and placed a dead bird at her feet. He looked so pleased with himself for bringing her such a thoughtful gift, and when he scampered off, she could only sit there, staring at the bird and contemplating exactly what she was going to do about it.

And so she sat on her bed, hugging her knees to her chest, wondering just what she was going to do about the blue bikini laid out on the quilt.

" _Come on, Bella. Just try it on."_

It was one of at least a dozen bathing suits that Alice had assaulted her with on their ill-fated shopping trip. Her last suit was from before the move, and it was showing its age, not helped by the fact that it was chosen around the time that her teenage self-consciousness was peaking. It was embarrassing, but whether it was more embarrassing than whatever Alice might inflict on her was a toss-up.

" _No, not that one. You're a girl, for Pete's sake, not an old lady!"_

" _Okay, then what about this one?"_

" _Only if you want to be able to go from the pool to church without changing."_

It was a unique form of torture. Bikinis were not foreign to her; the beaches back home were practically a runway for the latest styles, but that was years ago, and those women could have been on an actual runway. She was accustomed to wearing one-pieces, but Alice rejected every one. She would have to save the old bathing suit for when Charlie was around.

" _Oooh, yes!"_

It was not quite as bad as she expected, but her chest and her stomach were certainly on display, which seemed to be half the point as far as her friend was concerned. Alice was all too eager to get her as naked as legally possible, to the point that she almost wondered if there could be something...improper... about the whole affair. Whatever was at work here, she couldn't deny that this was long overdue, but she still could not fathom what possessed her to take those scraps of fabric to the checkout counter.

And so she circled back to where she started:

_What the hell am I going to do?_

She couldn't wear this thing, especially with no idea where they were going or what they were doing. Her own boyfriend hadn't seen her in so little; in fact, she couldn't recall the last time she was that naked in public. A rubber duckie was probably involved. Despite her nerves, she had to admit that it didn't look half bad on her, which came with its own set of problems. After a lifetime of no one ever looking at her, the idea of other people looking at her twisted her stomach into knots, whether for good reasons or bad. Even Edward's lingering gaze felt strange. By now, it shouldn't have.

" _It's flattering, Bella. It plays up your assets."_

And what assets were those, being short and skinny and totally lacking in melanin? It was ridiculous, and she felt ridiculous for going along with it. She stomped over to her bureau, haphazardly tossing it into the open drawer and slamming it shut. It was settled: she wasn't wearing that thing. She was only going to make a fool of herself.

Except that it wasn't settled. She had less than an hour to make up her mind, and for the second time in as many days, she had no clue why she was doing this. There was no doubting that he had saved her neck, both literally and figuratively, but that didn't mean she needed to skip out on work for parts unknown with some guy who did nothing but tease her.

He was funny, though. He went along with her dumb jokes, too. He heard her. But their lives couldn't be any more different. She wasn't even supposed to be friends with him. Were they friends? That was probably premature. And yet, she was ready to beat her head against a wall over a silly thing like a bathing suit.

_What is wrong with me?_

She couldn't think about it clearly. It was too opaque. Nevertheless, the memory of that hypnotic look in his eyes was making her itch. The drawer creaked open again, and they stared each other down like two outlaws at high noon.

_Fine. You win this round._

She snatched it up, pulling on the satiny, royal blue set as quickly as possible before she could change her mind again. Her shorts were next, and her favorite sleeveless blouse. She wasn't going to roast in pants or try to maneuver on unknown terrain in a skirt. It was high time a little bit of Florida came to Forks, anyways. She took one last final look in the mirror, and gulped. No, she wasn't going to be a scaredy cat this time. After grabbing her keys and scribbling a quick note to Charlie, she strode out the front door.

The big rolling doors were shut when she arrived. No lights from the office window, no radio blaring, not a soul in sight but the one. Her brakes screeched as she came to a stop in the driveway, approaching hesitantly but with a strange excitement bubbling just beneath the surface.

He was in his usual ensemble, arms crossed, leaning against the aluminum door beside his bike. He broke into a cheshire cat grin. Now it was too late.

_Oh, no. What have I gotten myself into?_

"You're early," he said.

"Don't sound so surprised. I can be on time."

_Liar._

"Turning over a new leaf after last time, huh? Smart."

She stuck out her tongue, which only seemed to make him enjoy prodding her more.

"So are you ready?"

"Ready for what?" she replied, already feeling a little exasperated. "You still haven't told me what's going on." She looked nervously around the building, craning her neck to look through the window. "Where is everyone? Why is the shop closed?"

He shook his head.

"Jaaake," she whined.

"You'll find out a lot sooner if you quit asking questions."

He mounted his motorcycle and started the engine. He looked at her expectantly, staring impatiently from over his shoulder.

"What are you doing?"

He sighed. "Well, I'm  _trying_  to get going, but I've got this pain-in-the-ass girl holding me up." He patted the spot behind him. She blinked.

"You can't be serious."

"As a heart attack."

"But- is that even safe?"

"Safe enough," he said. She was still having trouble wrapping her brain around the concept of hopping onto one of the death machines her father warned her about, complete with the kind of person her father warned her about.

"Come on, Bella." He gave her that reassuring smile again, and she could practically feel his fingers on her collarbone again. "It'll be fun. I promise you'll like it."

She stepped towards the purring machine, silent and careful, as if approaching a mountain lion. He offered his hand to steady her as she hopped up, swinging her leg over the back wheel to land right behind him. A quick revving of the engine made her squeak in surprise, and she instinctively wrapped her arms tightly around his waist.

"Jacob...I'm scared I'm going to fall off."

He chuckled, giving her hand a little squeeze before taking the handlebars again.

"Then I guess you better hold on tight."

With one final scream from Bella that could have woken the dead, the beast lurched forward, launching the pair out into the unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like our girl is ready to smell the roses, but how far is she willing to go? With someone there to hold her hand, there's no telling.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	9. All Day And All Of The Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You jump, I jump, Jack.

_I'm not content to be with you in the daytime_   
_Girl, I want to be with you all of the time_   
_The only time I feel alright is by your side_   
_Girl, I want to be with you all of the time_   
_All day and all of the night_

_**All Day And All Of The Night**  - The Kinks_

* * *

It was exhilarating. After the initial shock of surging over rocks and tree roots before hitting the road, the fierce pounding of her heart turned from fear to excitement. Of course, that didn't mean she relaxed her grip on him by any measure. Before she knew it, she was laughing with delight. Now she understood why he liked this bike so much. The wind in her hair, the hint of danger, and nothing but the sky above her. It felt like freedom.

She could see him checking on her in the mirror, giving a short smirk before returning his focus to the road once she came around. Laying her head on his back, she became mesmerized by the landscapes that opened out in front of her as they whizzed past. He smelled just the same as she remembered, like the woods that surrounded them for miles. Her long-dormant sense of adventure was making a reappearance, and it felt good.

It wasn't until they slowed to a stop and she tried to dismount that she realized just how much adrenaline was still coursing through her veins. She staggered, still giggling between breaths, much to Jacob's satisfaction.

"Do you believe me now?" he asked.

"Yes! Though for a second, I really was worried that I was going to fall."

"Nah, I wouldn't have let you. I haven't lost anyone yet. Okay, except for that one time…"

"What?!"

"I'm kidding! Jesus Bella, did you think I'd have you ride with me if I wasn't sure you'd be okay?"

"...No," she replied, feeling a bit silly. He nodded.

"Good. Now let's go."

She was only now noticing the dozen or so motorcycles and cars parked nearby behind a cluster of trees. She followed closely behind him, the sounds of music and laughter growing louder over the crunching of tiny stones that lined the path. The afternoon sun blinded her as they entered the clearing. When her vision returned, she found herself facing the sapphire waves of the ocean, shielded from its usual roughness by the cliffs that partially surrounded it. There were Quileute kids everywhere. Guys were taking turns trying to dunk each other under the water or throwing a ball around. A few girls were with them, squealing as they splashed or simply laying on towels in the sun, which was a bit anaemic by Jacksonville standards, but a veritable heat wave for Forks.

"Welcome to First Beach."

"Wait a minute," she said, stopping to take in the scene. "You're having me pay you back by going to a beach party?"

"Nope."

"Then what am I doing?"

"Relax. We haven't gotten to that part yet," he replied.

"There are multiple parts to this?"

He wasn't listening anymore. Instead, he was peeling off his shirt to reveal the entirety of his naked torso, tossing it aside before he began fumbling with his belt buckle. Of course he was going to take them off. It was the beach, for pete's sake. It startled her regardless of the circumstances, as she was totally unprepared to see him stripping only a couple feet away. From his chest, to his chiseled abs, to the hard lines sloping downwards from his hips, it was very difficult not to stare. Now fully visible was the tattoo adorning his shoulder, some kind of tribal design that she couldn't quite make out. She could feel a hint of color in her cheeks, but hoped it wouldn't be noticeable to anyone else, because the urge to look felt wrong in and of itself.

_So what if there's a man stripping next to you, Bella. Okay, an attractive man stripping next to you. You aren't Amish or twelve._

Easier said than done, but she was fortunately freed from any intrusive thoughts by the appearance of a familiar face.

"You came!"

"Of course I came," Jake replied, stepping out of his pants with only his trunks remaining. "We haven't gotten the whole group together in forever. Is Leah coming or is she out kicking puppies?"

Seth began scratching the back of his neck nervously.

"Well, Sam and Emily are here so…"

"Figures," he muttered.

"Oh, hey Bella!"

"Hi Seth," she replied with a shy wave. "I didn't think you'd remember me."

"Hard to forget someone after fishing chunks of deer out of their car," he laughed. "Plus, Jake keeps tal-"

He was cut short by a look from Jacob, though she couldn't see his face.

"Why don't you go show Bella where the drinks are? I need to go talk to Sam for a minute."

"Uhh, sure, man."

Jake breezed past without another word towards a couple on a blanket further down the beach. Seth's eyebrows knitted together in confusion as he watched him go, but shook it off and beckoned her away to a cooler sitting in the shade. He popped it open, gesturing towards the inside.

"We've got coke and beer and...Gee, I guess we should have brought water, huh?" he chuckled.

She was definitely going to need something. He seemed like a sweet kid though, and more eager to make her acquaintance than she would expect. None of them seemed half bad, from what she could tell. Rather, it was the fact that she felt like an oddity that put her on edge once again.

"D'you wanna come out and swim with us? The water's really nice today."

"Yeah, I just need a minute," she replied, taking a sip of her beer, which had already grown a bit warm. "I'll meet you all out there."

He grinned, seemingly excited that she accepted his proposal, and took off for the water's edge, where the dynamic duo were roughhousing. She settled herself onto a gnarled driftwood log and scanned the scene for Jacob. This was reminding her a little too much of the parties the girls used to drag her to, making her up like a living mannequin and then leaving her to fend for herself once they got there. She hated the thought that she needed an escort, someone to stick to her because she was too shy. The longer she sat there, the more annoyed she became with herself.

_Forget that noise. Just stand up and go swim with them._

She wedged her nearly empty bottle in the sand, only to remember that she was still fully dressed. So many eyes. So many pretty girls scattered about. This time, Alice's voice was joining in chastising her:

_Oh for crying in a bucket. Don't chicken out now._

Electing to compromise, she turned away towards the trees. The shorts dropped around her ankles, and she began tugging her shirt over her head.

"Glad you decided to join us."

Of course he was there. She bit her lip, the full extent of her blinding whiteness now there for all to see.

"I was just getting a little hot is all."

"You sure are," he smirked. "You coming now?"

His trunks hung very low on his hips, leaving even less to the imagination. Not that she was imagining anything. Or would. He was looking at her. She knew this bathing suit was stupid idea. Everyone was probably looking at back of her legs bumped into the log as she awkwardly stepped backwards.

"Just a minute," she replied, holding up her bottle. "I'm almost done."

"Looks like you  _are_  done."

"No, really, I promise I'll come out."

He pressed his lips together in concentration, searching her face as if he were trying to read her mind. It was entirely possible that he could.

"What, you don't believe me?"

"Nope," he said firmly, popping the 'p'.

Before she could object, he'd knocked her knees out from under her, slinging her over his shoulder like a sack of flour and eliciting a shriek that caught the attention of the other attendees.

"What the hell?! Jacob! Put me down!"

She kicked, feebly trying to wiggle her way out of his grip and smacking him about the shoulders, but he didn't budge an inch. He strode back towards the water, confident and completely unbothered by her reaction.

The water was freezing, though it could have just as easily been the shock of the collision on its own. She gasped for air, wrenching herself to the surface. The waves may have only come up to his chest, but it was enough to warrant a doggy-paddle to keep her head above it. Fuming, she lunged towards him, quickly closing the distance to land the hardest punch she could muster to his cheek.

"Ow!" She tried to shake it out, but the pain was much more than expected, and she began sinking downwards before he scooped her back up, shaking with laughter. What part of this was so funny to him? She shoved him away, scrambling out of his arms and shooting daggers in his direction. Finally, her feet found a place high enough to stand.

"Jacob, you ass!'

"I think you broke her hand, man," said Seth. Embry, acting against his own interest, chimed in:

"We always knew he had a hard head, but now we have proof. We'll have to take a picture to document it."

"Did it at least hurt?" It would be worth it if she'd knocked even a little sense into him.

"I didn't even realize you were trying to punch me until you started yelling. It was like getting punched by a child."

Nostrils flared, she marched out of the surf with him in hot pursuit, a trail of wet footprints leading down the beach and away from the others.

"Bella come back!"

Now even more people were looking at them. Why? Why couldn't he have just asked her to come in with him like Seth did?

_Because you wouldn't have come._

She hated when the voice in her head was right. It would have been nice for things to just be as she saw them for once. The additional perspective was not welcome here, especially when it came to Jacob. She finally halted, letting out a deep sigh before turning to face him.

"Come on. I'm sorry, alright? I wouldn't have done it if I knew it'd make you so mad."

"Oh, well in  _that_ case," she scoffed. "Why? I'm capable of walking, you know."

He looked contrite. Mostly. The truth was that, apart from the slowly subsiding pain in her knuckles, it wasn't as terrible as she'd made it out to be, though he clearly hadn't spent much time around girls if he was so quick to throw them into the ocean. Good.

"Then I'm sorry for grabbing you. I'll never do it again. Ever."

"Jake…"

"Next time I see a car coming at you, I'll just walk in the other direction."

She sighed impatiently.

"I really am sorry." He was too cool to beg, but his eyes told a different story. It was just so damn difficult to stay angry with him.

"It wasn't that exactly," she began, her eyes darting from one person to the next. "I just- I already feel like people are staring at me, okay? And now people are definitely staring at me." He cocked his head in confusion.

"Why do you think they're staring at you?"

She bit her lip. "I don't know. Is it even okay for me to be here? Since I'm...you know..." He shrugged it off.

"Of course it is. You're with me."

"I'm not sure they all agree."

"They're just a little surprised, is all. We don't normally have people from off the rez, but I made an exception."

_An exception?_

Now she really was confused. He obviously wasn't much of a play-by-the-rules kind of guy, but that must have a limit, especially when it came to his tribe.

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to hang out with you," he said matter-of-factly. Her mouth opened with a pop.

"Why so surprised?"

Anyone wanting to hang out with her was a surprise. Awkward, a plain nobody, and a stranger in her own hometown, but for some reason, people wanted to be her friend. She never felt funny or outgoing enough. Alice was friends with everybody, and seemed to enjoy making Bella her own personal dress-up doll more than having any kind of deep conversation. Sometimes she felt like a project, the ongoing effort by her social circle to make her fit in, which was going well if you didn't take all the stress and fibbing into account.

"I don't know," she mumbled, twirling a wet lock of hair with her finger. "For a minute there I thought you were just in it to tease me."

"Just a fringe benefit." He winked. "You make it way too easy." She pursed her lips.

"That's what I'm talking about," he said, pointing to her face. "And don't act like you let me off easy, either. You don't just roll over for people when they piss you off. I like that."

_Boy, is he a bad judge of character._

There was warmth in her cheeks and spreading down to her chest, and it looked like he was taking notice. He quickly looked up at the sky.

"Here, let's get you in the shade, Casper. I forgot how easy white people burn."

She couldn't argue with that. The cool breeze rustling the branches above them was soothing on her skin, which was likely already a bit toasted.

"The guys are cool with you coming, you know," said Jacob, settling in the sand beside her.

"That's a relief. Seth was pretty nice to me, but I wasn't sure about the others."

"Nah," he drawled. "You scored a bunch of points with them today just for punching me in the face."

"Sorry," she replied automatically. He laughed.

"Don't be. I kind of deserved it."

"Okay, then I'm kind of sorry."

At long last, she finally relaxed. The setting felt homey, like a fusion of where she was born and where she grew up. The muscles in her face were beginning to ache, and it was only then that she realized it was because she'd been smiling.

"Are all of these people your friends?" she asked.

"Some," he replied. "You remember Sam over there, and that's his wife Emily. Looks like she brought a couple of her friends, too. The guy by the cooler is my cousin Jared. His girlfriend Kim is over there, next to the girl Paul's creeping on."

"Who's she?"

"My sister," he said darkly.

"Oof." She winced.

"No kidding." He shook his head and averted his gaze. "It's nice having Rachel home to help with Dad, but I'd rather jump off a cliff than have to call him my brother-in-law. Speaking of which…"

He tipped his head towards the rock face ahead, the soft ocean waves lapping at the bottom. There was some kind of commotion coming from a ledge halfway down. Seth's arms seemed to be tangled up with Embry, each trying to throw the other off the edge until the latter finally succeeded.

"Holy shit!" she squeaked

Bella leapt up, her eyes wide as saucers as she watched him tumble downwards and land cleanly in the murky waters below. Her head snapped back to Jacob, who was upsettingly calm about the whole thing.

"Jacob?"

Instead of reacting in a similar fashion, the rest of the group erupted into whooping and piercing whistles. Their applause only grew as the other boys followed him over the edge.

"Take it easy, Bella. They're cliff diving."

Their heads broke the surface, bobbing like buoys.

"It's a total rush. Some of the other guys'll dare each other to jump from the top, but only an idiot would actually do it."

She'd never seen anything like it. Surfers back home would ride huge waves out in the distance, sometimes wiping out and all but hobbling back to shore, but there were no cliffs, and certainly nothing so reckless.

"Aren't there rocks or something at the bottom? They could have broken their necks!"

"No rocks," he chuckled in spite of her concern. "We've done it a million times. It's totally safe as long as you're a strong swimmer. You  _are_  a good swimmer, right Florida?" She cocked her head curiously.

"Yes," Bella replied with some hesitation.

"Good," he said. "Because that's it."

"That's what?"

"That's favor number one."

She could only gape at him. He was insane. He had to be. Maybe he was yanking her chain again. It sure wouldn't be the first time, or the last. It might as well have been a joke, because the result would be the same. An involuntary quaking grew from her chest until she was laughing almost hysterically in disbelief.

"Bella-"

"-Nope." She shook her head. "You've officially lost your mind."

"Oh, come on. Don't be so dramatic."

"I'm not being dramatic! Today I cut work, rode on the back of a motorcycle, I wore this stupid thing," she sputtered, gesturing from her head to her toes. "And now you're trying to guilt me into jumping off a cliff?"

"I am  _not_  trying to guilt you," he countered. "I want you to, but nobody's making you. You're a big girl, Bella. You can make your own damn decisions."

She didn't like that face. She hated when people were upset with her. She could always feel herself begin to crumble under the weight of their emotions, and after a while, she finally devised a way to keep it all to a minimum. The memories of a disapproving frown from Edward or a lecture from her father still had the power to make her cringe. It wasn't until later that it would be replaced by the original indignation, but by then it was too late. However, despite the trying day, the irritation in his eyes, the fact that she probably looked like a drowned rat, there were no unbidden tears. Her feet remained firmly planted in the sand.

She threw up her hands. "You're right. I'm the crazy one. I'm completely nuts for going along with this. Why did I do that?"

"Because you needed it."

He was suddenly close enough to feel the heat coming off his chest. She squinted and looked away. The impulse to sulk had not left her system, but he was having none of it.

"Hey."

Slowly, carefully, she looked up to meet his gaze, only to find his dark onyx eyes looking back at her with dizzying intensity.

"Look, Bella You've got to live a little. Do you really want to spend your whole summer sitting at home watching  _Bonanza_  with your old man, just because you're afraid? 'Cause every day you do that is one more day you haven't really lived. I realize we haven't known each other that long, but even I can see that you're not that kind of girl."

His frankness left her without words, feeling somehow more naked than that stupid bikini had made her already. She hated to admit it, but he was right. The fantasies had to end sometime, and she'd never worked up the nerve to make them happen rather than let them wither on the vine. Maybe this was it. Maybe this was the wakeup call.

"I'm not gonna hassle you about it, but I think you'll regret it if you don't."

With a long pause and a sudden jolt to the heart, she nodded.

"...Okay."

His face lit up like a Christmas tree.

"Just- I don't want to go by myself."

"I wouldn't make you do it by yourself," he chuckled. "Unless you're planning to push me off."

A sly smile finally cracked her anxious expression.

"You shouldn't give me ideas."

The boys were lounging around in the sand near the bottom of the cliff, ribbing each other and breaking out into braying laughter. They were still soaked from their turns. Their attention quickly shifted to the pair as they approached.

"You going up, Jake?" Seth asked.

"Yeah, it's been a while."

"Cool! Then Bella can hang back with us!"

Quil seized the opportunity to pipe in.

"Yeah! Wouldn't wanna leave her alone," he added, his eyes ripe with mischief.

"Actually, I'm going too." She was met with a round of ooh-ing from the group.

"Guess she's joining the pack now, right Jake? Leah's going to be mad that she's not the only girl anymore."

"What's 'the pack'?" asked Bella as they began navigating the narrow ledge that lead up to the jumping spot. He rolled his eyes.

"A stupid name I made up when we were kids, like a club for all the guys who had the balls to make the jump. Used to be a rule that whoever jumped from the top was the new alpha wolf," he chuckled. "We were such dumbasses. It's amazing we're all still alive."

The closer they got, the more her heart raced. She knew he wouldn't let her fall, but the fear of losing her footing was threatening to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. It was time to take her mind off of it.

"So who's alpha?" she asked, her voice still shaky.

"It was Sam, but someone finally let him pass the buck after he met Emily and she begged him to never do it again, the killjoy."

"Losing your husband might be kind of a drag," she replied dryly. "Who is it now?"

"Me." He grinned.

The top of the cliff was more than twice the height of this ledge.

"Y-you mean you really-"

"-Yep. I didn't care about the 'title,' though. I was trying to impress these chicks from the Makah rez."

"Did it work?"

"Nope," he laughed. "It just made Paul and Jared look smarter by comparison."

This looked a lot lower from the bottom. The rock was rough, but not jagged from centuries of being buffeted by wind and rain. The same wind was at work up there now, trying to nudge her off the edge. She couldn't help but feel like a mime walking in the wind. Looking down was a bad choice, as she discovered. The easy listing of the surf was looking choppy now. More likely, the fierce drumming in her chest was sending her imagination into overdrive. It was time to look somewhere else. A rhythmic noise was carrying over the sound of the waves. Quil and company had risen to their feet, chanting her name as if she were about to become a human sacrifice. A quiet had settled over the others as they became spectators to this madness.

"You ready?" She gulped.

"No, but I'm going to do it anyway," she stammered.

He took her by the hand, and received a grateful death-grip in response. As if by magic, the enveloping warmth began to still her heart and ease the goosebumps that the icy wind had inflicted on her still damp skin.

"That's my girl."

The harsh impact of the icy water knocked the air from her lungs, but he did not let go. She surfaced feeling different, as if waking from a strange dream. Eyes wide and gulping for air, she found Jacob again, who was still beside her, grinning and breathless, looking hopefully back at her. Perhaps he was bracing for another punch, but the rush finally overcame her and she broke into ragged laughter.

"Holy shit, Jake," she panted, paddling to stay afloat. "That was incredible."

He smirked. "Told ya."

She could have floated there forever and let the current carry her out to sea. It was hard to describe this feeling. Things looked different, subtly so, like the camera had changed angles. The closest comparison was her first day at Forks High, sort of disoriented and vulnerable, but this time the fear was replaced by something else. For the first time since she was a child, she wasn't afraid. Her thoughts were here, right now, the salt stinging her eyes as this crazy, beautiful boy splashed and chased her back to the shore.

She fell backwards onto her bed, the day replaying over and over again in her mind with no intention of stopping. How could she ever go back to the way things were before? How could she sit still again, making polite conversation or fussing over her hair, knowing that this was what she was missing out on all along? The gentle squeeze of his hand, his infectious laugh, his playful ribbing as they laid out in the sand. This was it: the friend she'd been missing, the person she'd been looking for all along.

" _Welcome to the pack, Bells."_

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One taste, and she's hooked. But there are things she doesn't see. It's time we heard from another party.
> 
> Please like and review, and thanks for reading!


	10. It's My LIfe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why is she the only one who gets it?

But baby  
Remember  
It's my life and I'll do what I want  
It's my mind and I'll think what I want  
Show me I'm wrong, hurt me sometime  
But some day I'll treat you real fine

 **_It's My Life -_ ** _The Animals_

* * *

The shop was quiet, for once. To have even just a few hours in a week to work on his car without being interrupted with their shenanigans was a luxury, and it was one of few opportunities he had to be alone with his thoughts. He'd decided long ago to put up with Rachel's nagging without major complaint, not out of some noble desire to be a better person, but because she'd sacrificed her college dreams to stay with them. Billy had struggled for years before succumbing to the Korean shrapnel in his legs, finally abandoning crutches for a wheelchair at her behest.

The cost of these rare moments of solitude was the nagging in his own mind, reminding him that this was a freedom that his sister did not enjoy. She was saddled with the responsibility of caring for all three of them. She was there so he could be here. She told him it was her choice, but everyone knew better. What kind of choice do you really have when the other option is impossible? When the time came, he hoped she would forgive him.

The sounds of birds and scurrying critters in the underbrush gave way to a soft chorus of crickets, a soothing accompaniment to the clinking of tools. He couldn't help but wonder what she was up to. He hoped she wasn't sunburned, or he wouldn't be able to drag her back outside again, at least until she quit looking like a lobster. When would he see her again, anyways? The question was constantly popping in to derail his train of thought. The bigger question was how he was going to get anything done at this rate.

He flexed his jaw, feeling around for that tiny bruise she'd left him. The girl had spirit, that's for sure. He contemplated teaching her how to throw a proper punch, until he remembered that he would still be her most likely target. It was cute though, seeing her so mad. There was more where that came from. He pitied whoever else was so efficient at drawing her ire. He kind of wanted to see it again.

Languid steps encroached from behind and stopped alongside him. Only a pair of feet were visible from under the car, but it was immediately obvious who they belonged to. He sighed heavily in anticipation of whatever Leah was about to bother him about.

"What're you still doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question," he replied gruffly. "Aren't you supposed to be luring children into your gingerbread house?"

"No, I was trying to straighten the office out so people don't think the Tasmanian Devil runs the place. I got most of it done yesterday, no thanks to the rest of you."

"You could have come to the beach too if you didn't have such a stick up your ass," he countered.

"I almost wish I had after your little stunt."

So this was what it was going to be like.  _So long, peace and quiet._  Resigned to his fate, he rolled out, groping around for a rag to wipe away the grime currently coating his fingers.

"What 'stunt'?"

"Bringing that girl to the party, obviously."

"She has a name." His low voice warned her to tread carefully, though he knew it would have little effect.

"Did you really think you weren't going to be hearing about it later?"

"You know, for a second there, yeah. I really thought I was going to get through an entire day without having to listen to you piss and moan about something." She glowered down at him. He'd hoped that his good mood could remain unspoiled until tomorrow at least.

"And since when do my friends need to get your approval?"

"Your friend?" she laughed. "She's awfully cute to be your friend."

"That's a coincidence."

"I'm sure it is," Leah replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I'm not an idiot, Jake. We both know what's going on there. Seth can see it too."

"Yeah, well, stupidity tends to run in families."

_What the hell is her problem?_

He began packing up, having finally accepted that this evening was officially a lost cause. Clearly, she was trying to get him riled up again. It was her favorite sport, and this was just her latest excuse to play. She was too petty and bitter to only stew over her own personal life; now she had to start looking for trouble in other people's as well. What a surprise.

"You know what she is. She's just like all the other little white girls that sneak off to the reservation."

"No, she isn't," he growled. "Bella's not like that. She's cool."

"'She's cool'? Are you serious? She's a fucking tourist, Jake," Leah spat. "She's just here to get her kicks and go home. I bet you think that she likes you, that she actually  _cares_ , but I promise you that eventually, she'll get bored of playing cowboys and indians with you. She'll go back to her real life, to her daddy and her  _real_  boyfriend and her white picket fence, and you'll be the idiot that fell in love with her."

"Stop!" he snapped, dropping his toolbox on the hard concrete and stalking towards her. "Why do you do this? Why do you have to twist everything around to make everyone as miserable as you? You act like you know everything, but you don't know jack shit about me, or her, or anything else!"

"I know she has a boyfriend." Her smug demeanor cut through his anger like a knife. He had very little patience to begin with, but something about that obnoxious expression made him want to put his fist through a wall.

"Oh, you're a psychic now, huh?"

"I don't need to be. You'd see it too if you bothered to look. Have you not noticed the way she messes with that charm on her bracelet? You know what that thing probably cost? It sure as shit wasn't a present from her parents. Not to mention the fact that she would have crawled into bed with you the first chance she got if she were single, same as they do with all the other guys. She's just testing you. It's disgusting."

"Funny, I don't remember you ever having a problem with somebody being taken."

Whoops. That was dumb. That was going to come back to bite him in the ass in a red hot minute. But her mouth snapped shut. She turned heel, trying and failing to evade any further accusations. No, she wanted to play hard ball, so that's what they were going to do. She asked for it.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Bull," Jacob said, spitting into the gravel. "I know what's going on. You two think you're so smart, don't you? Running around like you're James goddamn Bond, thinking you're too clever to get caught. Well, you're not. You're idiots. The guys are starting to notice something, and if you don't straighten up and fly right, it's all going to come crashing down over your heads. So don't you lecture me for hanging out with her just because Sam-"

His anger was getting the better of him again. She may have started it, but he was aware that he was about to go too far. He expected her to punch him or scream in his face, but his reprimand was met with dead silence. Suddenly, her stone-faced mask dissolved, and she burst into tears.

"He was mine first, dammit!" she yelped through clenched teeth. "They took him from me! I would be wearing the ring now, if only I could…"

She couldn't choke it out. She cursed, clenching her fist as if to crush her sorrow to death between her fingers. It was impossible not to feel sorry for her. She was difficult by nature, even when they were kids, but this angry, spiteful woman didn't get here on her own. It was criminal, what the council did to her, all for the sake of the Uley line. He sighed heavily and pulled her in from around the shoulders, letting her weep into his shirt.

"I know, Lee," he murmured. "I know."

It wasn't surprising why the old people clung so tightly to the old ways: it was dying, a little bit more with every passing year, starving to death even as they struggled to hold on. But if this was where they were putting their foot down, then screw them. Screw them all. He wasn't going to let them dictate his life, even if he was a Black. He'd never let that happen to him.

Sundays were the best. They were the one day a week that he didn't rise before the sun, one day that didn't start with the piercing chimes of the alarm clock, usually followed by a groan and the thud of it crashing to the floor. He could take more time now that he was finished with school, but the money was still tempting. Things had stabilized after a long bumpy stretch; the bills were covered with a little left over to save, though not much. Any pennies on top of that went under the mattress, which perhaps explained the weird crick in his neck.

He rolled over, grabbing the pillow and clutching it to his chest as he tried to ignore the thin line of sunlight coming in between the curtains. His dreams were mixed, sort of stilted and melancholy, punctuated with brief moments of happiness, a non-stop mishmash of good and bad that left him feeling unnerved on waking. Beaches with sand like white sugar that went on for miles. His sisters huddled together on the sofa, weeping into handkerchiefs. Running through trees and underbrush towards the clearing up ahead, which he could never reach. Unsurprisingly, they did little to lift his mood back to where it had been.

It was stupid. He knew better than to listen to Leah when she had her hackles up. Seeing other animals at the watering hole usually aggravated her condition, though he couldn't deny that somewhere under those layers of calcified disdain was the need to protect her own, even if that meant pissing them off. Still, her words were not rolling off his back as usual, which made them all the more insidious.

He wasn't going to be able to fall back asleep at this rate. He yawned and rolled out of bed, pulling on the nearest pair of pants for his journey to the kitchen, but not before pausing to acknowledge the faded photograph that sat atop his dresser.

"Morning, Mom."

The house was quiet, no television or clattering of plates to interrupt the silence. It was strange, but not enough that he would dare complain. A glass of milk was all he could muster before settling onto the couch, a more viable alternative to the bed only in that it was vertical. He'd still not fully come alive when his sister rushed past him to the door.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty," she teased. "Glad you decided to join us."

"Is Dad still asleep?"

"No," she replied. "He and Harry left to go fishing hours ago. He's staying with them for dinner, so you'll have to fend for yourself."

"Where are you going?"

"Kim and I are going over to see Emily for a while. I'll be back sometime before the vultures start circling."

The morning news buzzed behind his own heavy footfalls as he scrounged around the kitchen for something to fill the bottomless pit that was his stomach. Her remarks had begun to grate on his nerves as of late; he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. Sure, the house wouldn't look this tidy, nor would they eat as well as they did, but he wasn't dependent on her for anything but Billy. He hoped so, anyways.

The last crumbs had barely hit the plate when he drifted back into dreamless sleep. He was so goddamn tired that he felt as if momentum was the only thing that had been pushing him forward. That's what it took to keep things going in this place. Better things had to be somewhere else. Places to go, things to do, two necessities that the peninsula sorely lacked. Where would he go around here? For loo long, he'd been ouncing endlessly between work and home except for a handful of nights out with the guys.

"Where" wasn't the question, exactly, nor "what," but "who." Ever since her headlights disappeared over the hill, Bella had been slipping in and out of his idle daydreaming. Where was she? What was she doing? It had barely been two days since he last saw her, but he wanted to see her again. He couldn't work out if the feeling was mutual, but the way she'd sleepily melted into his back on the ride from the beach was...something. The strangest fact of his existence was that he was rarely alone, but always lonely. He was perpetually surrounded by family, friends, his tribe, and assorted acquaintances, but it was difficult to feel real kinship with people who couldn't imagine why he might want something different.

His pockets still full from the night before, he fished around for his package of cigarettes. He flipped it open to find it empty from the night before. Looks like there was a reason to get up today after all. With a splash of cold water to the face, a fresh shirt, and a quick glance in the mirror, he was ready to face the good people of Forks.

The corner store on Elm was usually a safe bet, but their weekly Sunday closure narrowed his choices down to only one. The owner was usually behind the register, always keeping a close watch with cold, suspicious eyes. As usual, he was happy to take Jacob's money, but happier for him to leave. Every drop of vinegar in the man's personality seemed to be saved for the Quileute boys. He should have been used to it after nearly two decades, but it still made him want to smoke two cigarettes at once. He stopped to light up, savoring the first drag and looking out over the sleepy town. He couldn't linger, though. He would have to keep moving. A flash of red suddenly caught his eye, and a waterfall of deep chestnut hair emerged and disappeared into a store.

_Now I know what I wanna do today._

He saw her through the glass, wandering the aisles and flipping through stack after stack of records, all carefully arranged by name and genre. It wasn't much, but it was the only place between here and the Rez, and while the owner was a pain in his ass, his teenage sons, who were usually watching the place, were not. Everyone glanced up from their browsing with the sound of the bell, but Bella's unconscious acknowledgement quickly turned to a smile when she recognized him. He was seeing that more with every meeting, and as much as it pained him to admit it, Leah was right about one thing: she was cute, though he maintained that was a coincidence. Cute girls were everywhere, but there was something different about her.

"Find anything good?"

"Hey," she said softly.

"Hey yourself." She bit her lip.

"How do keep finding me?"

"I'm actually a Russian spy," he whispered. "'Course, now that I've told you, I'm gonna have to kill you."

She was wearing shorts again. It was a little weird for Washington, despite the heatwave rolling in, but old habits die hard. A short peek at her long, slender legs brought him back to the beach.

"You a Stones girl?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah," she said, looking back down at the record in her hands. "But I already have this one. I was hoping there was something new. The Chiffons released a one a week ago, but I can't find it anywhere."

"I had the same problem with the new Zombies record."

"You've got good taste." She looked to be sizing him up.

"Thanks," he chuckled, absently looking through another stack. "Just wish I could find it. There was only one left before, and when I came back it was gone."

"That's because I bought it," she replied with a wry smile.

"Dammit!" he laughed. "No wonder. You stole it right out from under me."

"I didn't steal it." She plucked an album out of his hands. "You're just too slow."

He liked that look, that confident, mischievous smile that told him she wasn't afraid. The more bold she became, the more she drew him in, like two magnets. There were so many things that should be pulling them apart. Too many to count, really. He couldn't help but wonder what was pulling her in.

"How about this," she began. "What if I lent it to you? Would that make it better?"

He smiled, her eyes locked on his. She was refusing to look away, like she was playing chicken with him.

"Yeah, it would."

She gave a quick nod. "Good. Let's get going, then."

"Where are we going?"

"My house." She was very matter-of-fact. She set down her would-be purchases and made her way towards the door. His smile faded.

"I don't know." She seemed puzzled by his reply.

"Why not? I don't keep my collection in my truck." A look of realization spread across her face.

"Oh, don't worry about that," she said, her eyes flickering about the room. "My dad is at work and he won't be back for a while."

Her assurances felt suspect, and he could feel Leah's venom seeping back into his thoughts. He relented, swatting them away and bringing his engine back to life. He tried to keep his thoughts in check as he followed her from a distance.

She awkwardly ushered him inside, carefully closing the door behind him. The house was big, and much nicer than anything he had. The walls were decorated with smiling photographs of what he could only assume were her parents, usually with a very small Bella positioned between them. Everything else looked almost new. He'd seen these houses about a hundred times growing up, but he never dreamed he'd ever set foot inside one, much less be a guest.

"C'mon," she called, already thumping up the squeaky wooden stairs. "My room's upstairs."

He frowned.

_What is this? Is this it, the part where she tips her hand? Luring me into her bedroom with a bullshit excuse so she can finally quit pretending?_

His jaw tightened, a keen sense of dread washing over him as he ruminated. His chances were good, but the odds still seemed too great. Even is she was right, he'd rather live in ignorance a little longer. But there was no going back now.

Instead, he found the door wide open. She was sitting on the floor in deep concentration as she poured over boxes of records, some of which were how scattered around her like the toadstools in a fairy ring. He exhaled at last, and a faint smile crept onto his lips as his worries fell away. Her cheeks, still pink from a day in the sun, seemed to heat up a little as he entered

"I'm sorry it's such a mess in here," she said with a nervous giggle. "I have it, I swear. I just can't remember where I put it."

He strode inside and sat down on the floor beside her, feeling a bit like a giant as he tried not to take up the whole floor. What little space was left on her shelf was filled with a familiar assortment of books, punctuated with novels and textbooks.

"Damn, when you said you had a collection, I was picturing a little corner of your bookshelf, not half the store. No wonder I can't find anything in there anymore."

"I got most of these back home, actually. I went to stay with my Mom over Christmas, and I bought a ton. Every time I needed to get out of the house, I went looking for good stores in the city."

"Escaping your parents, or just your stepdad?" he asked with a knowing smirk.

"I wouldn't really call him my stepdad. More like the guy who married my mother. He's alright, I guess. It's just weird having him around, especially since he's so young. I guess my mom is pretty young too, in her own way." She paused and looked back up at him. "You know, I just realized: you know more about my life than most people, like my parents, the divorce, but I don't really know much about you."

"There isn't much to tell. It's just me, my dad, and my sisters. Rachel lives with us to help Dad and keep the house going, and Rebecca's husband is in the Navy, so they move around a lot. They're stationed in Hawaii right now."

She looked back down at her stash. He could tell she wanted to ask, but wasn't going to pry. It wasn't surprising; after years of probing questions from people about her own mother, she knew better, though he wasn't entirely sure if he welcomed her tact.

"What about you, though?"

"What about me?" he chuckled.

"I don't know," she replied, a hint of shyness in her voice. "What are you going to do now that you're done with school?"

"I'll just be running the garage full time, keeping Leah from murdering my brothers, same old same old."

"But you don't really want to do that, do you?" He paused.

"No," he breathed. "I don't." It could have been her, months of compounded fatigue, or some combination of the two, but in spite of himself, everything came tumbling out.

"I don't want to stay on the reservation. I wanted to go to college, see the world, move somewhere cool like like L.A. or San Francisco. I don't want to be stuck here like everyone else, but I don't get a choice. The elders already had my future planned out the second I was born. I'm not 'me.' I'm a Black, which means I'm the lucky winner of a whole bunch of shit I never asked for, and I'm supposed to act like it's such a big honor to get chained up here like a dog."

He realized that his hands were clenched into fists, and finally released them. Closing his eyes, he leaned back onto the side of her bed. It smelled good, just like her. In fact, it smelled exactly like her, like warm vanilla. He inhaled deeply, and allowed it to bring him back down.

"I don't know what I want to do. I'd probably do anything, so long as it isn't here."

Saying it all out loud made his selfishness feel real. HIs family depended on him. His tribe needed leadership. His brothers needed someone to look after them. He couldn't abandon his responsibilities just for...

Her delicate fingers slid across his, gently squeezing as much of his hand as they could fit around. There was a strange sadness in her eyes that made his heart skip a beat, something telling him that this pain was not his alone.

"It's okay, Jake," she said softly. "You'll find a way out. You deserve to be happy."

He blinked. Like some kind of incantation, a few words had lightened weariness that had been pressing him downwards into the earth for so long. He turned his hand over, gratefully accepting hers as he enclosed it in his giant palm. She was closer than he remembered, close enough to get caught in her big brown eyes like a tractor beam.

"So do you."

A tiny smile grew on her lips. He was wrong before. She wasn't cute; she was beautiful, and in more ways than he'd realized. It was all starting to make sense now.

"Bella! I'm home!"

They each froze as a booming voice echoed throughout the house She cursed under her breath, scrambling to her feet in a panic to listen for any sign that he might ascend the stairs.

"You there, Bella?" he called with audible concern.

"Yeah, Dad!" she yelled back, making animated gestures for Jake to rise. "I'll be down in a minute. I'm changing."

"Oh."

"Shit," she whispered hoarsely. "What the hell do I do?"

"Well, if he's down there, then I guess I'm going to have to stay up here forever. I'll be the gentleman and let you take the bed." She glared back at him.

"Can you take this seriously for a second?"

"I'm trying, but you're not making it easy for me, here," he snickered. Flustered Bella was incredibly entertaining to him, with her fidgeting and her angry pout.

"You should!" she shot back. "My father is downstairs and he does not need to find out I've got a strange boy in my room!"

"Aw, the danger is what makes it fun."

"'Fun?' He has a gun, for God's sake!" He smirked.

"Even better."

That earned him a smack to the arm.

"Ow! Jesus, would you relax? I've got it under control."

He tiptoed across the room, which must have been a comical sight, and unlatched the window, slowly sliding it open. She merely gawked at him.

"Are you serious?"

"I thought that's what you wanted."

"Jake!" she said, clapping her hand over her mouth and listening before returning to a whisper. "My room is on the second floor!" He shook his head and began hoisting himself over the ledge.

"Wouldn't be the first time. Look, that branch is close enough that I should be able to climb down, no sweat." He began climbing out, but before he could turn around, something tugged on the back of his shirt. .

"When will I see you again?" she murmured, biting her lip.

_God dammit._

"I don't know. Soon."

"Will you come back? You can, you know."

"Only if you promise I won't get shot," he chuckled. He thought carefully, trying to puzzle something together, until it finally clicked.

"I know: I'll give you a signal." Her brow furrowed. "I promise you'll know it when you hear it, okay?"

She eyed him warily, before finally nodding. "Okay."

He hesitated. He didn't want to go. He could have stayed there for hours if her dad hadn't showed up, and he didn't want to have to wait for another chance meeting. The muted ringing of the telephone downstairs dragged him away from his thoughts.

"I should get going," he said, grabbing hold of the branch.

"Bella, it's for you!" The voice made her jump again.

"Bye, Jake," she whispered.

He couldn't help but grin as he took one last look at her.

"G'night, Bells."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was high time we heard from the boy. Next time, Bella stumbles onto a secret she wishes she could forget.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	11. Where Did Our Love Go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All she wanted was a girl's night out.

_Baby, baby, where did our love go?_   
_And all your promises of a love forevermore_   
_I've got this burning, burning, yearning feelin' inside me_   
_Ooh, deep inside me, and it hurts so bad_

_Before you won my heart_   
_You were a perfect guy_   
_But now that you got me_   
_You wanna leave me behind_

_**Where Did Our Love Go? -** _ _The Supremes_

* * *

"Hello?"

"Hello, beautiful."

The sound of that smooth, sweet voice nearly stopped her heart.

"E-edward," she stuttered, before swallowing her surprise. "I'm so glad you called." She paused. "You haven't called in a while."

"I know, darling," he crooned. "I'm sorry, but I've had to hit the ground running since I started. They've put me on a project for next spring, so I've been incredibly busy with work."

"So busy you couldn't call me for over a week?" Her words had taken on a sharper edge than she intended. She didn't want to nag him or make him feel guilty.

Hang on a minute: Maybe he should feel a little guilty. He'd talked her down from that emotional ledge with promises, and they were already being broken. What was to say that he wouldn't just abandon them altogether?

But wait: Was it fair so take that tone? He wasn't doing it to be hurtful, and surely wasn't doing it because he didn't care. He'd already apologized, too. It would be petty to hold this against him after he'd said he was sorry, though that's assuming it wouldn't happen again. He knew how difficult his absence would be for her. He'd do better next time. She could give him a mulligan, couldn't she?

_My head hurts._

He gave a small, nervous laugh.

"Bella, you know I would be calling you every day if I could, but that's just not possible. My days are jam-packed."

"When will they not be?" she asked. "If they've got you chained to your desk now, then I don't think it's going to get better with time."

"I can't predict the future. I can only tell you what's happening now." He sighed. "I miss you. It's felt like an eternity since I last saw you."

"I miss you too, Edward. So, so much."

"Have you been having fun while I'm gone, at least?"

"Yeah, definitely. I'm mostly working at Newton's, but my days off have been good so far." She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, only to feel the sting of her toasted skin. "Actually, I went to the beach with some friends."

"Really?" he replied with a detectable amount of incredulity. "What possessed you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You don't even like the beach. I'm guessing you got strong-armed?"

She blinked, her brow furrowing in confusion.

"Edward," she began slowly. "I love the beach. I lived half of my life on one, remember?"

"Right, right," he said absently. "I must be thinking of someone else."

_Why is that not a surprise?_

"Well...I need to go get started on dinner." He cleared his throat.

"Of course. Will you say hello to the Chief for me?"

"Will you remember to call me?"

"Yes," he sighed. "I promise."

"Good," she said firmly. "We've got a deal. I'll talk to you soon." She pulled the receiver away to hang up, only to hear one last interjection on the line.

"Goodnight. I love you."

She sighed, swallowing the bitter words in her mouth and return to her normal self, but she could already feel herself missing the mark.

"Love you too."

So, she waited. And waited. Time was passing in the most peculiar way. The day seemed to fly by, but the days dragged on. The store had been doing well, with a near revolving door of handymen and husbands working on their doomed summer projects, most of whom were pleasant enough. Some refused to wear belts, occasionally providing a visual that made her want to gouge out her eyes with the nearest wrench. One had taken to leering as she climbed the ladder to fetch items from the higher shelves, all of which she learned how to tolerate long enough to get them out of the store.

She'd grown accustomed to Charlie's schedule, or lack thereof, and had begun cooking enough for a few meals worth of leftovers to keep them both fed. His overnight shifts were the toughest, as she didn't care for being alone in the house late into the night, a side effect of years spent living with an over-cautious cop. It was another thing she was learning to accept. She could already feel the pattern forming: Cook breakfast, work, come home, clean, make dinner, wait. Wait for Edward to call, for Charlie to come home, for Jake. She could feel herself dipping into a haze, and the days were sneaking by when her back was turned. Work, cook, clean, wait. Another day in paradise.

She was elbow-deep in dirty dishes after cooking a very early dinner out of sheer boredom. She'd already commandeered most of the free tupperware in the house with casseroles and mashed potatoes, and it was beginning to look like she was trying to feed every orphan from here to Montana. Looking down at her yellow gloves, a bark brown line of god-knows-what had already formed from overuse, and as she looked down at the murky grey water, something snapped.

_This is bullshit. Is this really how I'm going to spend my summer, sitting around waiting for a man to make an appearance?_

Feeling particularly indignant, she yanked the gloves off and tossed them onto the counter. The dishes weren't going anywhere, but she sure as hell was. She padded over to the phone and wedged the receiver between her ear and her shoulder as she untied her apron with one hand and dialed the number with the other.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Jessica. It's Bella."

"Bella?" she said. "Wow, it feels like it's been forever. How're you?"

"I'm good. I was actually wondering if you were free tonight."

"Really?"

_Gee, no need to sound so surprised._

"Well I have dinner with the family tonight, but I'm free after that. What did you have in mind?"

"Anything. I need a girls night. No boys allowed."

"Ah, I see," she mused. "How about a movie?  _My Fair Lady_  just came out and I've been absolutely dying to see it."

"Perfect. I'll pick you up before the eight o'clock showing."

"Okay, I'll see you then."

It really was perfect. Jessica was always so easy to get along with, and since she started going steady with Mike, especially understanding of other people's dating woes. Well, not dating woes for Bella, really. More like one boyfriend who can't keep a simple promise and a friend with a very loose understanding of the word 'soon'. They were too busy to talk to her. She could be too busy to talk to them, too. Let them sit around wondering about her for a change. The urge to descend into pettiness was too strong to resist. She's been spending too much time around boys anyways, so much that she was probably starting to act like one. Yes, girl-time was the solution to her problems.

This was nice; no guys, no wacko makeup fairy, just a low pressure evening with a dumb movie. Jessica watched with rapt attention and mouthing the words to every song as if she were the one on-stage. It was almost funny to watch a person enjoy something so unselfconsciously. Bella couldn't remember what that felt like anymore.

Audrey Hepburn was a lot prettier than she remembered, even smudged with soot. The hat, the feathers, the GDP of a small country sparkling around her neck, all looked so right on her, as if it had always had been. Perhaps there was just no amount of dirt you could roll Audrey in that would hide her star-quality. Bella often wondered if all these actresses were as they seemed, or if they had mastered the art of keeping everything locked away and out of public view. Was it worth it for Eliza Doolitte to leave her old life behind, everything she'd known and done and been, for this new life that she'd found herself in? Was it worth it for Audrey?

She hated how she felt with Edward away, like she was suddenly unmoored and drifting out to sea. It wasn't that way before him. Her life might have not constituted more than a dinghy, but at least she was the captain. Now, there was a hole in her chest that was always asking to be filled, and which was not satisfied by memories of the touch of his hand or his lips on hers. The odd phone conversation definitely wasn't enough. There was not much to talk about once they'd finished mooning over each other, and it was in those moments that the ache in her chest would surface again. She missed him, but there was something else missing now, something that slowly occupying her thoughts more and more as the radio silence continued.

"Hey, Jess?"

"Mhmm?"

She waited, not knowing exactly what to say or how to say it.

"Mike calls you on the phone, right?" Jessica turned away from the screen to give her a puzzled look.

"Of course," she said. "Almost every night, except when we've already got a date or if he's going to be late because he's closing the store."

"And...what do you talk about?"

"Oh, you know. We talk about our day, we make plans, that sort of thing."

Bella nodded. "Right."

"It's not always fun things though," she sighed. "My parents have been pushing really hard for me to keep a perfect GPA, and it's got me out of my mind. I don't even like my major anymore, but it's too late to change. Thank God for Mike," she added wistfully. "He's so sweet. He'll talk with me about it or just listen to me bellyache, even when he's got his own problems to deal with. I don't know what I'd do without him." She looked so blissful. It was a little nauseating.

"Yeah." Bella shifted in her seat and wrapped her fingers tightly around the door handle. "Um, I'm just going to visit the restroom. I'll be back in a minute."

"Okay, just hurry," she said. "The best part is coming soon."

She didn't feel like hurrying. The place was empty, so she felt a little less ridiculous loitering in front of the mirrors without a lipstick in hand. She frowned. The girl looking back at her was strange, sort of 'off,' as if someone had drawn her picture but neglected some tiny detail. Her hair had fallen into its natural place with nothing to keep it in place, something she was no longer accustomed to. She liked it better this way; the gunk Alice bought her worked, but she hated the way it made her locks feel crunchy to the touch. She was still pale, but as her eyes traveled, she rediscovered a line that climbed up her chest and over her shoulder, distinguished only by the fact that it was a tiny bit whiter than the rest of her skin. The souvenir made her smile. It has been years since she'd had even a hint of a tan.

She emerged from the ladies room, somehow feeling dirtier than when she entered. She turned to make her way back towards the car, when she heard a rustling and the toppling of empty glass bottles coming from behind the building. Curious, she stepped closer to the noise. There it was again. She hoped it was one of the cats that roamed the drive-in, scouring the bins for the many rats that congregated there. Instead, there came a low groan.

"Mmmmmmmm…"

"Shhh! Keep it down!" a voice whispered.

"It's fine," grunted the other. "Nobody comes back here."

Whoever it was, they were right around the corner, boxed in between the fence and the wall. Inching towards the corner, she tried to catch a peek, but she could only catch the hint of their back: green, with a splash of yellow lettering, but she could only make out an 'M.' Heavy breathing, lips smacking, fabric brushing up against the brick wall.

_Wait, what am I doing? It's just a couple fooling around, and I'm here listening in like a complete perv. Weird place to do it, though. Don't they have a car?_

"Emmett, come on," the other voice breathed. "We need to get back already."

Her pulse shot through the roof.

_Holy shit! Emmett?_

She tried unsuccessfully to make herself move. The last thing she needed was to get caught spying on her boyfriend's sister, especially so soon after Rosalie started properly speaking to her. The other voice didn't sound right, though, and not just because she couldn't imagine Rose getting antsy at the possibility of being caught necking at the drive-in. He wouldn't do that to her, though. He was a meathead and a bit of a jerk, but Emmett would never betray her.

"Sto-" The voice was silenced briefly, until their mouths detached with a loud pop. "Enough, already. I want to go back now."

"Ugh, you're such a fucking tease," growled Emmett.

There was a scuffle, a furious rustling of clothes and feet that startled Bella enough to make her retreat further into the shadows to avoid being seen. She hated being small, but it did come in handy every now and again.

_What the hell am I going to tell Rosalie? Do I tell Rosalie? How do you even tell someone that their boyfriend has a girl on the side?_

"Fine. Do what you want."

His thunderous footsteps rounded the corner and straight out towards the dozens of parked cars ahead of him. He ran his hand through his hair as he stomped away, somehow more agitated than she'd ever seen him. It was Emmett, alright, never without his letterman jacket to remind everyone how tough he was.

_M-C-C-A-R-T-Y_

"Wait up!"

Lighter footsteps came up on Bella fast, making her shrink away and squeeze her eyes shut, as if they couldn't see her if she couldn't see them. She couldn't imagine what he would do if he caught her. Without Edward around to keep him in line, the prospect was even scarier. When she finally opened her eyes again, they were far enough away, with short flashes of light from the movie barely illuminating their forms. She clapped her hand to her mouth to stifle a gasp.

 

 

 

_B-I-E-R-S_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops. Curiosity killed the cat. If she hasn't had her fill of it already, maybe one of the men in her life will indulge her soon.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	12. Son of a Preacher Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's lost her appetite for sparkly things.

_Bein' good isn't always easy_  
_No matter how hard I try_  
_When he started sweet-talkin' to me_  
_He'd come and tell me "Everything is all right"_  
_He'd kiss and tell me "Everything is all right"_  
_Can I get away again tonight?_

**_Son Of A Preacher Man_ ** _\- Dusty Springfield_

* * *

Bella turned the page, only half-reading the words in front of her. This was supposed to be cheering her up, taking her mind off of her loneliness and anger, but it wasn't working out as planned. Her thoughts kept veering off course, and she caught herself grinding her teeth more than once. What should have been a serene Sunday had taken a turn for the aggravating when her morning coffee was interrupted by a phone call.

"Hello, Swan residence?"

"Good morning, Bella."

Edward's voice was different. It wasn't as upbeat as usual, nor as oozing with charm. Instead, it sounded soft and deliberate. She never cared for that tone. It always made her feel like she was about to be read the riot act.

"Edward? Is everything alright? It's a bit early for you, isn't it?."

"I apologize," he replied. "Everything is fine over here. I called because I wanted to talk to you for a moment. I assumed you'd still be home before noon."

Her heart skipped a beat. The phrase 'need to talk" always filled her with anxiety, as it never preceded anything good. Out of habit, she began wracking her brain for something she might have done wrong, but came up with nothing. The process came to a screeching halt when her subconscious reminded her that she'd been a notch below June Cleaver for the majority of the summer.

"Alright, I'm here. What's going on?"

He cleared his throat. "I have some good news. You remember the project I've been working on for the last few weeks? Well, I had a presentation on Friday, and they decided to move forward with my pitch."

She could already hear the 'but' waiting to ruin any congratulatory feelings she might have.  _Be happy for him. Be happy for him. Be happy for him._

"That's wonderful news. I knew you'd do well there." She held her breath.

"Thank you, darling. The director has asked me to attend a week-long conference with him to meet more men from corporate and some others in the industry. As soon as we get back, it'll be full steam ahead. We'll only have a month or so to get all the details finalized before we hand it off to Marketing and the other departments below us to actually make it happen."

"Which means…"

He sighed heavily. "Which means that I won't have time to bring you to Seattle."

_And there it is._

"I knew it," she muttered.

"Bella-"

"-I knew it. You couldn't even set aside a few minutes to talk to me a couple nights a week. I don't know why I thought this would be any different."

"If you came, we still wouldn't have a chance to see each other. We have clients we have to make happy in order to keep things running, and that means a lot of lunches and late nights entertaining them. We need those contracts to stay in business. You'd spend three days in a hotel room and I wouldn't be back in time to take you to dinner."

Now she was seeing red. "Do you honestly think I'd stay inside all day waiting for you while you're out drinking with your father's hospital friends? Is that what you think of me, that I've got nothing to do but sit alone in the dark hoping that you'll magically appear?"

"You just don't understand how these things work-"

"-I'm not that kind of girl, Edward!"

"I never said- Dammit, Bella. I'm doing this for  _us_!"

An incredulous blast of a laugh escaped. At this point, she was totally at a loss for words. She truly could not remember why she'd held onto the belief that he would keep his promise, or that he would do everything he could to try. The word 'forever' sounded so romantic when he used to say it, but now it sounded more like a curse, more like some fairytale spell gone wrong.

"Darling, listen-"

"No,  _you_  listen," she retorted. "If this is what it's going to be like, then forget it. Call me or don't call me. I don't care. Just don't think for a second that I'll be sitting by the phone waiting for you, because I won't."

She slammed the phone back into the cradle, snatched her already cold mug from the table, and marched up the stairs.

"Bells?" Charlie called from his chair in front of the blaring television. "You okay?"

"No! Men are idiots," she shouted back before slamming her bedroom door shut.

The nerve. The absolute nerve. He was too busy galavanting around the city until all hours and having fancy dinners with executives to even talk to her, and now he was treating her like an ignorant child throwing a tantrum. ' _Doing this for us' my ass._  She stopped herself. She was supposed to be calming down, not whipping herself up into a froth again. Looking down at the thin volume in her hand, it occurred to her that perhaps  _A Doll's House_  was a bad choice.

Glistening around her wrist was her silver charm bracelet, something that used to conjure fond memories. A little redwood tree from Charlie, a seashell from Renee, and a heart from Edward framed with tiny white stones that she hoped were glass. The charm was a Valentine's gift, presented to her after dinner and an enormous slice of strawberry cheesecake. Her stomach had never been so full in her life, with food or with butterflies. It was their second time at Portofino's. The memory of their last date there flashed before her eyes, and she immediately began working the clasp open. After unceremoniously disposing of it on the nightstand, she grabbed her pillow and rolled over so she wouldn't be forced to look at it.

_Stupid stupid stupid._

She stared at the hairline cracks in the plaster wall, wandering up to the ceiling and down to the baseboard like a line of ants. For a moment, she achieved some semblance of calm, a few minutes break from continuing their fight in her head. This unusual zen-like trance was broken by a long, piercing howl coming from outside. She sat up and looked to her window. It was too early for wolves, wasn't it? It could've been a dog. Then it came again, but more exaggerated and definitely not lupine. Maybe it was the neighborhood kids playing down the street. She padded over to the window to investigate. Peering out into the yard, she found neither dogs nor children. Well, arguably, she found a dog-boy.

He was lurking at the edge of the woods, his hair windswept as always. As soon as she appeared in the window, a broad grin stretched across his face, and she couldn't help but follow suit. She fumbled with the window, motioning for him to come up as she pulled it open, but by the time she looked back toward the brush, he had already begun scaling the tree beside the house. His hand and thick, muscled forearm reached over the sill, and without hesitation, she took it and pulled him inside. He panted, his expression unchanged, and leaned backwards to sit on the ledge. Finally realizing that she hadn't let go, she dropped his hand.

"Hey, Bells. Long time no see."

Right. His goofy smile had apparently turned part of her brain off, the part that remembered that she hadn't seen him in a while. That must have been his super power.

"... _That_  was 'the signal'?"

"Yep." She stared back at him. "What were you expecting, a smoke signal?"

"Good one," she replied flatly. "When you said 'soon,' I thought you actually meant so-"

She stopped herself when his smile vanished, and his eyebrows knitted in confusion.

_He's not your boyfriend, Bella. He doesn't owe you an explanation._

"Sorry." She squeezed her eyes shut and massaged the bridge of her nose. "I'm not mad at you. Just a bit of a sore subject."

"Glad to hear it. For a second there, I thought you weren't happy to see me."

"I'm always happy to see you, Jake." She was instantly relieved when his smile returned, though it was more cautious than before. "It's been a long week."

"The longest. But it's getting better," he said with a flash of teeth. "You wanna get out of here?" She nodded.

"Alright, then let's go," he said, tipping his head towards the window. She laughed.

"I can't even walk across flat surfaces without endangering myself. There's no way I'm climbing out that window."

"Then I'll carry you."

"Or, Quasimodo, I could use the door."

As completely ludicrous as his suggestion was, she had little doubt that he could actually pull it off with everyone's bones intact. The muscles in his shoulders, his chest, and his arms still strained the fabric concealing them. Had he grown again? He was still young enough for a growth spurt. He looked like he could bench press two of her at once. Her thoughts drifted away to his wet, shirtless torso rising from the surf, his fingers combing his drenched hair back from his face.

She staring too long, definitely crossing that border into 'ogling' territory. Growing up, she'd always been taught that staring was rude, but Jake didn't seem to mind. In fact, if his smirking was any indication, it looked like he enjoyed it. But even if her suspicions were true, it wasn't right to be salivating over someone when she had Edward.

_That might not matter soon._

"Killjoy. Guess I'll see you outside, then."

"I'll be out in a minute," she said, sliding her shoes on. "Maybe I should hoot like an owl to let you know the coast is clear."

With a snort, he climbed out and slid down the tree. When she found him, he was already astride his bike. She hopped on without hesitation and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Where to, miss?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Anywhere but here."

"Good choice.

The late sun had begun to recede behind the cliffs, the light reflecting off the pebbles that lines the shore and making them shine like gemstones. On her first journey there, she'd started out nervous and only became more so as the afternoon progressed, but now it was different. Jacob's effect on her used to knock her off balance. She was always waiting to slip up, to be too candid with him, and watch this blissfully carefree friendship crumble in front of her eyes, but it never did. There was no need for facade anymore. His sincerity, his ribbing, and perhaps even his shameless flirting, was rapidly becoming the only thing that steadied her.

"I meant to come back sooner," he said, kicking an errant stone back into the water. "I had kind of a...situation...to deal with."

"Is everything alright?"

"It will be. I think." He sighed. "You remember Sam, right?"

"The really serious guy?"

"That's the one. I'm technically not allowed to tell you any of this, so you've got to swear you won't breathe a word of it to anyone, okay?" She nodded.

"Sam and Emily are having a baby, and when Leah found out...well, it wasn't pretty. Seth and I spent the last few days trying to keep her from coming unglued. But she's family, so what can you do?."

She blinked. "Why?"

"Believe it or not, Leah and Sam were engaged once."

She was suddenly reminded of that evening in the garage, the uncharacteristic softness in her voice, and it all snapped into sharp focus.

"They were high school sweethearts, like that intense, serious kind of love you only see in movies. They had a date set and everything."

"Don't tell me he...with Emily-"

"-No," he replied. "I almost wish he did. You see, a few months before the wedding, Leah got sick. Real sick. She got better, of course, but then the doctor told her she wouldn't ever be able to have kids. They tried to keep it a secret long enough to get married, but then the elders caught wind of it, and all hell broke loose." She cocked her head.

"Why? I mean, that's awful news, but having children isn't a requirement for getting married, is it?"

He looked away. His hand dove hastily into his back pocket to retrieve a cigarette. After a short drag, he let out a cloud of smoke to rival a dragon.

"It is for a Uley. Sam's an only child, and his family is too important to the tribe for the line to end with him, so his parents and the elders gave him an ultimatum: break the engagement or be disowned."

She stopped, her mouth agape as she struggled to comprehend such cruelty. She swallowed the tiny lump that had suddenly appeared in her throat.

"How could he do that? How could he abandon her like that, after being together for so long, and then just up and marry someone else?"

'It's more complicated than that, but let's just say Sam is the kind of guy that would put duty to the tribe above anything." He looked at the ground. The ember was already almost down to the filter.

"Bullshit. It's not complicated; it's crazy. I could never do that to someone I loved. I would just have to get disowned."

His gaze returned to her, his somber appearance now transformed into shock.

"You'd do that?"

Caught in the crosshairs again. She bit her lip, wondering if she had finally stepped over the line. It wasn't her life or her tribe. It wasn't her place. Still, something about the way he looked at her compelled her to stick to her guns.

"Yes," she replied, shifting her weight uncomfortably. "I would."

To her surprise, he looked almost relieved, letting out a quiet puff that was either a laugh or a breath he'd held in for too long.

"You're really something, do you know that?"

She blushed. She felt exposed again. But that's what Jake did. There was something about being by his side that stripped her down to nothing.

"So," he began, crunching pebbles under his boots as they continued down the beach. "Now you know all about my week. What happened to yours?"

She sighed heavily. She didn't want to talk about Edward, especially not with Jake. It was hard not to feel guilty about being so open with him and not her own boyfriend. But how could she not, knowing that she could be honest with him and he would like her anyways? It was getting harder to switch Bells off and go back to Isabella. And then there were those devilish little thoughts that sought to undermine her willpower. Those were getting harder to fend off as well.

"I was supposed to go to Seattle for a few days."

"To see someone?" he asked with some apprehension. His eyes dropped down to her wrist.

_Of course he knows._

"Yes, but now that's not going to happen." She couldn't drum up the energy to be sad about it anymore, just tired. This whole ordeal had worn down her resolve, and she didn't know how much longer she could keep juggling these two halves of her life. Rather, she it was becoming unclear as to why she was still juggling at all. It might have been time for a change.

"Sorry."

"It doesn't matter. I'm not going to think about it." She paused wanting to speak but having trouble shoving the words out of her mouth. "I think I might have had enough."

A smile flashed across his face before quickly being tamped down and replaced with a look of displeasure. She could only barely hear his voice over the waves:

"Guy's a fucking idiot."

She had to stifle a laugh. It felt bizarre to laugh at a time like this, until she remembered it was the first time she had ever heard someone utter an ill word against Edward. It was so refreshing. He smirked.

"I know a really good way to not think about things, if you're interested."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, it's called 'a case of beer and some low-grade explosives."

"You lost me at 'explosives.'

He chuckled. "Fourth of July, remember?"

No, she didn't. The situation with Edward and the dull grind of life had consumed most of her brain power as of late.

"Me and a few of the guys were going to get together. Nothing big like the beach party, though. You should come with me."

"Are you sure? There must have been some blowback from the last time, right?"

"A little," he said hesitantly, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets. "But I don't care. I promise we'll make Leah behave."

"No need. If I can jump off a cliff, then I can handle anything she dishes out."

"I'm sure you can," he said. "Most people jump off the cliff  _after_  they deal with her." She shook her head.

"I took it personally before-"

"-I told you not to-"

"-I know. But after everything you told me, I can't. If that happened to me, I probably would have fallen to pieces."

"You'd put yourself back together. You're stronger than that, Bells." She smiles shyly.

"Maybe," Bella replied.

"So what do you say? The rest of the pack likes you. Maybe a little too much." She looked at him curiously.

"What does  _that_  mean?"

"Quil's been asking about you. I think he likes you."

She snorted. "He likes older women, huh? Too bad I'm not into cradle-robbing."

His smile faltered, and his voice seemed to drop an octave lower. "You know he's not even a year younger than me, right?"

Suddenly, her comments felt a little mean.

"Oh, no, I didn't mean it like that," she stuttered.

_Then how the hell did you mean it, dumbass?_

"I just meant...he's still in high school, right? I bet he wouldn't be able to buy booze if he wasn't so tall." She laughed weakly, praying that he would believe her backpedaling.

However, despite the shoddy delivery, it was the truth. The other boys looked like someone had poured Miracle Gro on a couple junior high students, and with the maturity to match. But Jake was different. It wasn't his undeniably beautiful form...well, not  _just_  that; every time she looked at him, there was someone much older looking back at her through his deep onyx eyes.

He appeared to take some pleasure in her awkwardness, a wry smile cracking on one side of his mouth. A cool breeze drifted in from over the water, occasionally dusting them both with salty spray. She noticed that their pace had slowed, as if they were worried they would run out of beach and be forced to turn back. She was slowly feeling out where the edges were when it came to Jacob. When they'd met, he was still guarded, keeping everything in check with jokes or careful control, but it was slipping.

"Sure, Jake. I'll go with you."

Where had they come from, these pins that pricked her heart whenever he stopped smiling? When did his pain start becoming hers as well? She wasn't sure, but she did know that she wanted to see more of him, just as he, and he alone, saw her. Now, the only thing standing in her way was this unacknowledged truth: If she kept to this path she was on, that would be it. She would throw all caution to the wind, and he would almost certainly steal her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe a difficult decision isn't so difficult after all. Next time, there's more than one kind of fireworks tonight.
> 
> Please leave your thoughts in the comments! Your input helps keep this pony show a-running.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	13. Be My Baby

_The night we met I knew I needed you so_   
_And if I had the chance I'd never let you go_   
_So won't you say you love me_   
_I'll make you so proud of me_   
_We'll make 'em turn their heads every place we go_

**_Be My Baby -_  ** _The Ronettes_

* * *

"Hey, Em. What time is it?"

"About ten minutes after the last time you asked."

Today was a holiday, a guaranteed day off for most people, and yet here he was, camped out under a weathered old Ford trying to kill time and make a buck all at once, though the latter wasn't even his secondary concern. He could hear Embry losing patience with him. He'd been flipping through an old issue of  _Motor Trend_ with his feet kicked up on the table for most of the afternoon while Seth and Quil huddled around the radio listening to a Cubs game and smoking everyone else's cigarettes.

"What's with the obsession with time?" Quil called. "You got a date or something?"

"Yeah, Jake. You got a date?" Embry parroted. Although he couldn't see his face, Jacob was about ninety-percent sure his expression was extremely punchable at that moment. Seth, perpetually confused little lamb of a brother, only half-registered that other people were talking when he joined in.

"What are you guys talking about?"

" _Nothing,_ " Jake barked from his cave. This was a conversation that he wanted nipped in the bud, though it was probably all for nothing. It only takes one howling wolf to get the rest of them going.

"Jake's got a girl," said Quil, his voice purposefully carrying well over the volume of the radio.

_Don't take the bait. You're the eldest here, remember? Keep it cool._

"Ooh, he does? Who is it?"

"No, I don't!" He barked.

_Dammit._

"Sounds like someone's pretty sensitive to the accusation. What do you think, Paul?"

Another party he didn't want to hear from. He hoped that Paul, who'd been dozing off on the couch for the last hour, would sleep through this. He reliably had the worst opinions on everything, and any attempt to re-educate him fell on deaf ears.

To Jacob's dismay, Paul offered his opinion in a flat, groggy drone: "I think he needs to seal the deal and be done with it already. I don't know what he's dragging it out for."

A perfect example. Jake ground his teeth and slid back out, actively fighting the urge to walk over and dislocate his jaw.

"It's not like that, jackass."

"Sure. Whatever," he replied, closing his eyes and letting his head roll back onto the armrest. The warning daggers shot in his direction were lost on no one but the intended target. His fist unclenched enough to grab a coke from the wheezing refrigerator and pluck a freshly lit smoke from Quil's fingers before finding a seat. Time to change the subject.

"You bringing your blessed sister tonight, Sethy?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. Seems like she actually wants to come this time."

"Is she over that cold?" asked Embry. "I don't need her getting me sick."

Seth glanced over to Jacob for reassurance. "Yeah. She's fine."

They were going to need to work on that kid's poker face, or he would get eaten alive. Still, it was nice knowing that at least one of his brothers was almost incapable of lying.

"Is Bella still coming tonight?"

_Shit._

He took a long gulp of soda.

"That's what she told me."

A chorus of taunting 'Ooooooh's echoed off the garage walls, which soon devolved into heinous snickering. He could already see the gears turning in their heads, and he immediately regretted allowing the conversation to wander off into the subject of Bella. He could deal with the younger ones' seventh-grade level mockery, but Paul and Leah were a whole other ballgame. Right now, he only wanted to think about tonight.

And their last meeting. Despite his revelations, the atmosphere shifted back to normal as easily as the afternoon breeze. He poked fun at her reading list, she responded in kind to his love of  _Gilligan's Island_ , and they both agreed that Bob Dylan's voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard. Just an afternoon away from all the bullshit that normally dominated his waking hours. Nothing put him at ease like being with her, and nothing lifted his mood like the sound of her laughter. But the fact that she wasn't rolling her eyes at his flirting anymore was what really had him humming at work. It was becoming harder and harder to ignore his feelings for her. She took his hand to steady herself as she clumsily dismounted his bike, and it took too much willpower not to hold on and pull her back to him. When she looked over her shoulder at him with a bashful smile as she walked up her driveway, he was struck with the realization that she had him, and there was nothing he could do about it.

"And you assholes better not act like this around her, you hear me?"

"Sure, sure," said Embry, waving him off. "We like Bella, remember? But you're one of us. We're allowed to screw with you."

Jacob rolled his eyes, and with a prolonged sigh, enjoyed a few minutes of quiet. It was only a matter of time before something got them riled up again. He looked at the clock. Five minutes closer.

It was barely dusk when she arrived, but the pale new moon had already risen, poised and ready to illuminate everything below. Her truck was impossible to miss, and neither were the knowing looks on the pack's faces. His eyes narrowed for a final warning.

"Not. A goddamn. Word."

She slid out and practically bounced over to him, her chestnut locks bouncing with her and wearing a smile that told him she was almost as excited as he was.

_Oh, no. Those shorts again._

"Hey, Bells!"

"Hi, Jake! Hey, guys!" She waved to his brothers, who replied with friendly greetings of their own.

"Sorry I'm a little early. I wanted these to still be warm when I got here." She held up a jade-green plastic box and patted the lid. "I came to the beach party empty-handed, but never again."

"What is that?"

"Peanut butter chocolate chip cookies," she said matter-of-factly. He pressed his fist to his lips in the hopes that he could stop himself from grinning like a fool.

_Oh my God. She brought cookies. This girl is adorable._

His brothers, upon hearing the word "cookies," swarmed around her like locusts, with Seth attempting to shove two in his mouth at once.

"I imagined you boys could really put it away, so I doubled the batch, but I kind of misjudged the amount of chocolate chips and ended up adding too much. I figured you wouldn't mind." Her aside was nearly interrupted by a borderline-sexual moan coming from Embry's full mouth.

"Bella, will you marry me?" She laughed.

"I don't know; How's your kitchen?"

"Ancient, but I can change a tire in four minutes and fifteen seconds."

"Hmmm, that's a tempting offer. Ask me again when you've got a dishwashing machine."

Paul had already slunk away with his second, turned away to hide his reluctant enjoyment of her handiwork. Jake couldn't help but feel a bit smug watching her slowly win him over. The older ones would come around, too. He was sure of it.

"Alright, simmer down," he said, stepping closer to her. "Let's get going before it gets dark."

The bonfire was little more than a heap of downed branches and old plywood situated atop a cliff, crackling busily as they killed their engines. Kim and Jared had beaten them there, and were hastily detaching as the sound of their approaching footsteps overtook that of the radio. The classic Forks clouds hovered overhead, an unexpectedly good backdrop for what was to come.

"You guys brought the goods?"

"'The goods'?" Quil replied. "It's Schmidt's and a couple bottle rockets, not a pound of reefer."

"Awww, that would've been a good time." Jared craned his neck around to get a better look at the group. "Hey Jake, who's your friend?"

"I'm Bella." The corner of his mouth twitched upward as he tried to suppress a smirk, his eyes darting up to Jacob and back.

"Aaaah, the famous Bella. Good to finally meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," she said with a nod. The discrepancy between her first meetings with the pack and now was noticeable. For one thing, she wasn't hiding in his shadow anymore. She settled down onto a decaying log that had lost nearly all of its bark, and looked up at him with an amused expression.

"Why am I famous?"

"Ignore him." He caught himself rubbing the back of his neck. "Actually, just ignore all of them."

"No way. Your friends are fun, and I think I just scored some points with them earlier." He popped open two cans and handed over the second before plopping down beside her. She sounded sincere, which gave him one less thing to worry about. Not that it would stop him.

"Okay, you've been warned, so I can't be responsible for any dumb shit that comes out of their mouths when I'm not around." The sweet, unbothered manner gave way to something a little...devious?

"Then I guess you can't leave me alone tonight."

His heart gave a hard, almost-audible thump, and he wondered if she meant it the way that it sounded. There was heat growing on his face, for once making him grateful for his complexion.

_What was that face? She's stone-cold sober, too. Shit, she's still looking at me._

"Deal."

She tapped her drink to his, and leaned back on her hand, which was perilously close, to watch his brothers argue and roughhouse with delight. Leah, on the other hand, barely acknowledged them, quietly sipping with a cold, detached stare into the flames. He had given up on any ideas about a party lifting her spirits, instead choosing to be thankful that they had simply gotten her out of the house. She looked too exhausted to cause trouble tonight, and he didn't know if he would even have the heart to put her in her place if she did. He would just have to keep his fingers crossed.

"Hey, is your old man cool with you being out tonight? I thought the fourth was a family thing for...you guys."

"Dad always works the night shift on the fourth because they get so many calls at the station. Too many drunk hoodlums playing with fire."

He felt his spine go rigid. "...He's a cop?"

"Yeah."

Nothing was allowed to be easy. Circumstances were tricky enough on their own, and now this. For all he knew, he could have already had a run-in with her father. These thoughts must have been playing out on his face, because her casual demeanor vanished.

"Don't tell them that," he murmured, nodding towards the pack. She swallowed. The look of recognition almost stung.

"Oh...of course."

An ear-shattering shriek pierced the silence between them, culminating in a pop and a burst of light that made her nearly levitate and fall backwards. Luckily, Jacob's reflexes were better than that.

"Careful, honey. Let's not get concussed so early in the game."

"Shut up," she replied playfully slapping him on the leg. "It just startled me."

His arm remained around her shoulders even after she was vertical again, and he could feel her shiver under him.

"Are you cold? It's the summer!"

"First of all, summer for you tops out at eighty degrees. I got used to much hotter summers when I lived with my mom, and I haven't changed since. Secondly, the fire is roasting my front half, but the back half is still cold." He sighed.

"You're hopeless. Come on, slide over."

She complied with no reluctance, fitting neatly into his side, where she nearly purred with contentment. Any previous hiccups in the evening had been swiftly forgotten, and now all he could feel was the softness of her skin and the electricity buzzing through him.

He heard Paul loudly curse while fumbling with a box of matches. They were blowing out with each attempt to light a poorly planted bottle rocket. Bella sighed impatiently and strolled over to assist.

"I can't believe you guys are trying to use matches. Would you bring a knife to a gun fight, too? And it's angled all wrong. Here, give me your zippo." She proceeded to instruct them on the finer points of not covering everyone in ashes or setting oneself on fire. Paul was pouting, irritated by the idea of being corrected by a girl, while the others decided that this was the perfect time to start setting off two at once. As usual, they were totally unconcerned by the possibility of blowing their fingers off.

He liked watching her with them. Except for the usual suspects, she fit in so well, finding their off-color jokes as funny as they did and matching them quip for quip. How did this happen? How did she so from that scared little girl he met at the drive-in to this relaxed, smiling woman whose breezy laughter ricocheted off the trees? But most importantly, where had she been all this time?

By this point, the beer had already run through him, and he excused himself for a moment to address it among the nearby trees. Nothing could possibly go wrong in the two minutes it would take from him to come back. Theoretically, anyways. As his eyes readjusted to the firelight, he noticed her standing beside Leah, their eyes locked and the latter as stone-faced as he'd seen her. Bella's lips betrayed a few words too hushed to be heard over the din, and his cousin nodded in response, rising to nearly trip over sticks and feet in search of another drink.

Anything she might say to Bella was going to be highly suspect, but setting Leah off would only cause a ruckus. He chose to go collect his girl instead.

_She's not your girl, remember?_

"Leah's not bothering you, is she? I told her to be nice tonight."

"No, she's fine," she said, looking distracted. "She was just asking if there was still any booze left. I was going to go grab another myself before the guys drink them all. They could at least save some for Kim."

"Kim doesn't drink. Too much of a 'nice girl', I guess," he chuckled. She raised a single eyebrow.

"Oh? And what does that make me?"

"Don't you remember? You're a cool chick now."

"Sure, sure," she said with an eye roll.

With the volume cranked up as high as it would go, the little radio Seth brought was practically vibrating in its spot. Some unintelligible rock song faded out, and was replaced with a staccato drumbeat.

"Oh, I love this song!" she sighed.

"Don't think I know it."

"Wow, we have a lot of work to do, then," she teased.

_Do it do it do it._

"Sorry, Teach." Her mouth twisted into a wily smile

"It's alright. I wouldn't mind educating you."

That was the third time she'd caught him off-guard tonight. Twice is a coincidence, but three times...that was a pattern.

_Do it do it do it._

"You wanna dance?" She blinked.

"I don't think you want to dance with me, Jake."

"Yes, I do." She blushed and began twisting a lock of hair around her finger.

"I don't really dance. You've seen me try to negotiate flat surfaces; I'll probably trip."

"Then I'll hold you up."

"What if I fall in the fire?"

"Then I'll just add it to your tab," he smirked.

"Seems like you've given this a lot of thought."

"Maybe," he said, perhaps a little too coyly. "C'mon, Bells. Don't make me beg."

He didn't wait for an answer. Taking her hand, he carefully twirled her around. Her blushing was becoming more apparent on her pale skin, even in the dim light flickering around them. She paused, biting her lip, before reaching out and grasping his other hand.

"Okay."

He was definitely smiling like a fool now.

"Atta girl."

Somehow, he'd successfully talked her into taking on an up-tempo song with him. It wasn't too long before he had her giggling again, spinning each other around and stumbling until their sides were sore. As predicted, she lost her balance, only to be rescued yet again by a firm hand on her lower back that pressed them together. What a ridiculous sight it must have been. He didn't bother to look, but he knew the second they slowed down, he would be able to feel Leah's eyes boring a hole in the back of his skull. That wasn't important. Bella was dancing with him. The song ended, easing into something slower. It may have been a show of solidarity, or purely for his own benefit, but Jared and Kim decided to join in, Jared swatting away the customary ribbing coming from the peanut gallery. Their goldfish-level attention was soon diverted by a firecracker that had strayed into the pit and shot off the cliff in a low arc. She didn't flinch, but laughed and rolled her eyes at the whooping and howling that ensued.

He had caught himself fantasizing about tonight several times since they last saw each other, but reality was better. Going back to work and the dull grind of daily life was going to be harder now. Harder still was quelling the impulse to pull her in and give her a good reason to forget all about her stupid ex-boyfriend. What joker that guy must've been to lose a girl like Bella. His loss.

"I don't know why you were afraid. You stayed upright just fine."

"I normally only get asked when I'm in heels," she admitted. "It kind of stacks the deck against me." He wrinkled his nose.

"I can't imagine you wearing heels."

"Not voluntarily. My friend Alice likes to dress me up. She says it's the only real way to get a guy to notice you."

"What?" he scoffed. "No offense, but your friend doesn't know shit about guys. Not to mention, you wouldn't want a guy like that anyhow."

"Why do you say that?" Her puzzled expression was apparently contagious; he thought it was fairly obvious.

"Because all that super-girly stuff isn't you. If that's what reeled him in, then it's not really  _you_  that he's into, is it? Just whoever you're pretending to be."

She paused thoughtfully. "No, I guess not."

"I don't know about you Bells, but I'm done with pretending."

She searched his face, the orange flames reflected in her eyes, as if she would find the answer to some unspoken question within his. It wouldn't have been hard. She read him far too well, and he was never one for subterfuge. Then, it seemed like she'd found it.

"Me too."

Everything was ending too soon. The day had dragged by at a torturous pace, but the night had disappeared when he wasn't looking. The only thing worse than having to take her back was the uncertainty of it all. Each time, his need for her became stronger, but so did his fear that he wouldn't see her again, and the bliss of those hours became tarnished by an ever-present spectre. He chose to ignore it.

Sliding off the leather seat and onto the ground beside him, she giggled and waited for the roaring to cease.

"So," he began. "Good party?"

"Great party. I haven't done anything like that in ages."

"What, howled at the moon with a bunch of tipsy assholes?" She snorted.

"That too. I meant going out like this, dancing, acting like an idiot and enjoying it."

"Really? Guess I converted you, huh?" he said with a chuckle.

"You might have been a contributing factor."

"Sure, sure."

He could only barely see her face in the light cast from the single lamp hanging from the metal siding on the shop, but he could have sworn that she was blushing again.

"When will you come back to the rez?"

"Soon."

"'Soon'? So what, you're allowed to be vague, but when  _I_  say 'soon,' I ge-"

His grumbling was suddenly cut short by her lips on his. So soft, so delicate, with the scent of vanilla and woodsmoke still clinging to her hair. Change of plans: neither of them were going home. They were just going to have to stay here forever.

The kiss was short and sweet and left him feeling lightheaded when she pulled away.

"What was that for?" he murmured, their noses still touching. She smirked.

"To shut you up." With one more faint peck on the lips, she withdrew, fishing the keys from her pocket.

"Soon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A good night turned into a great night, but the morning comes with its own complications.
> 
> Please continue leaving your thoughts in the reviews, and thanks for reading!


	14. Bang Bang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even easy things are never simple.

_Seasons came and changed the time_   
_When I grew up, I called him mine_   
_He would always laugh and say_   
_"Remember when we used to play?_

_Now he's gone, I don't know why_   
_And 'til this day, sometimes I cry_   
_He didn't even say goodbye_   
_He didn't take the time to lie_

_Bang bang, he shot me down_   
_Bang bang, I hit the ground_   
_Bang bang, that awful sound_

_Bang bang, my baby shot me down_

_**Bang Bang**  - Nancy Sinatra_

* * *

Charlie's patrol car was still gone when she pulled into the driveway. She loved her father, perhaps a bit differently from the way she loved Renee, but these days, she found herself dreading any extended conversation with him. He was just as concerned with her safety as ever, and it was difficult to appease him while also carrying on the way she had been. Charlie would have a stroke if he knew any of the things she'd gotten up to since Jake reappeared, which was ridiculous. She hadn't broken any laws or come home in a cast. She was an adult, after all. She didn't need his approval, though admittedly it would be nice to have. Omitting everything from him, from Mike Newton, and a handful of townies and high school acquaintances, was making her nervous. Keeping herself a secret had always been nerve-wracking, but now she was doing something that she was far riskier than swearing and cigarettes and women's lib. She was swiftly careening into unknown territory.

But the high, the enormous rush of excitement and pure happiness that surged through her veins every second they were together, was addictive. She had never been more reckless in her life than over the course of the last month, but she had also never felt more safe, nor more alive. He wouldn't let her fall, and neither would he have held her there a second longer than she wanted to. Did they even drop hands for the rest of the night? She couldn't remember. Is this what freedom felt like? Getting to goof off, go wild for a little bit, be nothing but Bella, even for just a couple hours? Those fresh memories played over and over again in her mind as she fell backwards onto her bed.

It was too forward, of course. She was supposed to wait for the boy to kiss her rather than the other way around, though judging by the look on his face, he didn't mind too much. Waiting around wasn't something she had much interest in anymore. It wasn't just her head now, or her heart, but something else. Being pressed against his broad chest, feeling the heat through their clothes, the intense look in his eyes, awoke something within her that she had only experienced fleeting moments of before. It felt like something was trying to burst out, bit by bit, and it was  _hungry._

Even though her head was still buzzing, she soon drifted off into a dreamless sleep that left her just as energized upon waking the following morning, which did not go unnoticed. When he joined her in the kitchen, she was tending to a skillet of eggs, humming the same tune as before. He regarded her suspiciously. Coffee in hand, he landed at the table and watched her work.

"Morning!"

"Morning, Bella," he grunted, presumably still groggy from his patrol. "How was your night?"

"Good." She hesitated, wondering how much detail to give him. It needed to be enough to satisfy him, while not enough to be incriminating or to catch her in a lie.

_Lies of omission, really. Not the same thing._

"I met with a couple friends. Nothing crazy, I promise. I met some new people." She gave him a reassuring smile before quickly allowing breakfast to occupy her. He didn't care for fireworks, and he didn't care for alcohol either, provided that she was the one who drank it.

_Not an omission._

"My friend Emily and her husband live not too far from campus. They invited me and a few other people over to their house for hot dogs," she continued, her brain hastily laying the tracks ahead of her mouth.

_Complete and utter bullshit._

"Anyone I know?" She sucked in her breath.

_This is why you never lie to Dad._

"Hmmm," she pondered. "I don't think you would know them. There was…um..."  _Think, damn you!_ "...Kim...and her boyfriend, some of her husband's friends, Rebecca, Leah…"

Charlie coughed mid-sip. Her concentration was broken, but the odd way he averted his eyes as he thumped himself on the chest told her it was time to quit while she was behind. He cleared his throat.

"Well, that's great," he replied, nodding and burying his face is the morning paper.

"Oh, I forgot: Edward called last night after you left."

"Did he?" The intentionally bored tone in her voice took on an unintentional sharpness. "What did he want?"

"What do you mean, 'what did he want'? To talk to you. I told him you were out with your friends and to call again tomorrow."

"Hmph." She scooped breakfast onto two plates and hoped that a mouthful of food would be enough to smother this conversation in its crib. She wolfed down her eggs, scraping butter across a pieces of toast so she would never be without something in her mouth.

"You should call him back, Bells. The boy sounded kinda rough when I talked to him."

"I don't want to talk to him."

He watched her carefully, before letting out a heavy sigh and swallowing whatever unsolicited advice he had prepared. Perhaps he was going to let it go, for once. He settled into his morning paper and they wrapped up breakfast in silence. She kissed her father, muttered something about work, and quickly departed.

* * *

The stupid boy had been floating around the shop all morning, like a cartoon character that just smelled a pie cooling on a window ledge. He didn't say anything, but he didn't need to. It was painfully obvious to anyone who'd been there that night. She watched them making eyes at each other all night, giggling like children while they danced to some sticky love song. It was absolutely nauseating, though the belly full of beer might also be to blame.

She regretted drinking as much as she did. Drinking always made her stupid. Emotional. Sappy, even. It weakened her defenses against the dumb little girl buried deep beneath layer after layer of rock-solid rage and disappointment. That little Pollyanna bitch was a giant pain in the ass, always whining for things she knew she couldn't have, and always just as dejected as the first time life told her 'no'. Wounds were never allowed to heal, just scab over and itch until she inevitably opened them up again. All of this she had learned to handle, but in a moment of weakness, Lee's voice became audible:

"Hey."

The brunette immediately turned away from those flammable fools in response. She looked tense and confused, but she didn't look scared. That was good. Leah could at least respect her for that. She wasn't some prissy dollop of whipped cream as previously thought. In fact, the way she was looking at Jacob was unsettlingly familiar, as was the idiotic grin plastered on his face all night. It had been so long that she'd forgotten. It should have stayed forgotten. Now she really wanted to vomit.

But that look, and what it meant, was a close second to those capsized memories. It would have been one thing if she screwed him and left, or even if she just played with her food for a while before she ate it. She'd hurt him, but he would move on eventually, and everything would go back to normal. He talked a big game like the others, but anyone who actually knew him could tell you it was all bullshit. She saw exactly what hid behind his brazen nonchalance, and it bruised like a peach. That stupid girl had more power than she had sense to wield it, but the worst part was that she was wasn't faking it.

Bella waited. Lee wrestled the microphone back again.

"Listen, girlie," she started, casting a quick look towards the brothers. "I see you two. I know. I get it, too. Probably better than anyone else here." It took a minute, but she could see it click in real time, Bella's expression twisting from curiosity, to recognition, to discomfort.

_Of-fucking-course he told her._

"Which is why I'm telling you now: Don't you dare break his heart. I don't know why, but I think you know better than any of these knuckleheads, so you should know what a goddamn crime it is to hurt him."

She didn't know why she was saying any of this. She shouldn't be encouraging it. Sam's thoughts about it were clear, though not as loudly and crudely advertised as Paul's. She knew exactly how this story was going to end. It was only a matter of time. Still.

"So promise me."

Bella nodded carefully. "I won't. I promise."

"Good."

At least the girl could keep her mouth shut. Jacob would have already chewed her out if he caught wind of their conversation, or rather her mandate. Though perhaps Leah was the one who should have kept it shut.

Due to the exceptional heat and slow business, the boys had declared it a shirts-off day. That sad little fan was doing nothing to keep them all from sweating like pigs. It was appropriate; most of them were pigs. The biggest one of them all had decided to show up today and work instead of napping or bullying the younger ones. She didn't care so much about Quil and Embry, or the guys who were big enough to make it a fair fight, but Sethy was a whole other ballgame. He was too sweet to be corrupted by these pricks, and he was probably the weakest link, but her mother had some idea in her head that he was going to take over the 'Clearwater' half of the shop. Her father always said it was her responsibility to carry on the legacy, but now that he was gone, there was nobody left to champion the cause.

Seth's cause seemed to be Jake's lately. She'd never seen a guy give a shit about someone else's girlfriend before without also wanting to fuck her, but Bella was the shiny new toy, a girl in the group who was pretty and fun and not a 'nagging harpy.' She half expected those two to burst into some Rogers & Hammerstein number, and it was setting her teeth on edge.

"Oh, for fuck's sake!"

Paul's booming voice carried through the wall, along with the ringing of metal on concrete. With a huff, she tossed down her pencil and went to investigate.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

Seth was scrambling to pick up the contents of box of bolts, which had rolled and bounced away in all directions. She knew that face. One more snap was all it was gonna take to unleash the waterworks.

"Hey! Leave the kid alone. It was an accident, alright?" At least she could count on Jacob to look after him.

"What the hell is wrong with both of you?" Paul shot back. "It's bad enough we have to deal with  _your_  pansy bullshit, but now Babyface is doing it too."

"You better watch it, asshole," Jake growled through his teeth. Paul's face was nearly purple.

"Or what? What're you going to do? Recite poetry at me?"

"I'll put your fucking lights out is what I'll do."

The others were frozen in place, all holding their breath while they waited, hoped, for this storm to pass.

"Great idea. Make sure you've got a black eye for when she brings you home for dinner to meet her parents. Oh, wait…"

"Shut up! Just shut up right now!" He was practically vibrating from anger, fists clenched and poised to pounce should Paul decide to take him up on his offer. "Just because you couldn't keep a girl-"

"-I don't wanna keep one of 'em! Jesus Christ, Jacob. Are you soft in the head? Do you really not get how this works? You keep that stuff separate. You don't see me taking some white broad to the bonfire like she's my girlfriend. You better pray her daddy doesn't find out and come blow all our heads off just because his daughter is a slu-"

He finally found the line. Jake's fist landed with a deafening sound, and it only took a few seconds for Paul to register what had just happened before launching into him for a reprisal. She joined her brothers in trying to untangle this hard mass of swinging arms before they killed each other. It was nearly over as quickly as it began, but not quickly enough to spare Paul the broken nose. Still heaving, he jerked himself out of Quil's grasp before spitting blood onto the pavement and storming off. There was still murder in Jacob's eyes, and she feared one of them would get a second wind. She swung the office door open and shoved him inside, locking it behind her.

He paced, eyes wild and hands combing through his hair. Against her better judgement, she allowed herself to pity him. They were insane, he and the girl. Foolishly trying to keep each other warm while they hovered somewhere between where they belonged and where they wanted to be, and trying to drown out the ticking of the time bomb they set. It was wrong, but then again, she wasn't in a position to be throwing stones. She was still bracing for her own aftershocks.

"Sit down before you wear a hole in the carpet. It's ratty enough as it is."

She leaned on the edge of the desk, waiting for him to simmer down enough to listen to reason.

"Black...Jacob..."

_Where do I even start?_

"Is that what the others think?" She closed her eyes and let out a heavy sigh.

"Not exactly. I don't think the younger ones care much, but I don't need to tell you what Sam thought when he saw her at the beach."

"Fucking hypocrite," he spat.

"Yeah, no shit, Jake. What did you think he was gonna say? 'Congrats'? He's next in line. He has to put the tribe first."

"Throwing us under the bus to protect the tribe, huh? Hope he warmed up before those mental gymnastics. That's how you pull a muscle."

"You put him there, remember," she replied darkly.

"You better not be blaming me for what happened. He made his choice, and he's a fucking coward for it. I can't believe you're taking his side."

"I am  _not_  taking his side," she hissed. "And I don't blame you, either. He chose her, again, and for the last time, and there's nothing I can do."

"He didn't fight for you. He just folded and let them split you apart. I could never do that. He's weak, and I hope he regrets it every day of his life."

"This isn't the same thing, Jake. You have to know that." His eyes narrowed.

"The hell it isn't!"

For the only one of the pack to graduate high school, he was incredibly stupid sometimes. She hoped she wouldn't have to do this, but the frustration was threatening to bubble over. At least she could tell herself that she tried to protect him, even though he was a man now.

"Just stop for a second and use your head!" She swallowed and tried to remember how her mother talked in times like these. "It's not just the elders that are the problem. It's everyone. It's the whole goddamn world. Can you call her? Pick her up? Take her to dinner in that tiny hick town?"

"We'll figure it out."

"Meet her parents?"

"Her mom will understand," he mumbled.

"The mom isn't the one you have to worry about." He looked away, but she followed him. Paul was an unrelenting piece of shit, but even a broken clock is right twice a day. "Listen to me, Jake. Even if you're right, even if everything works out and you manage to find somewhere you can be together, you know what will happen."

"I never wanted to come back anyways."

"I wasn't talking about you."

Her words hung in the air like smoke, thick and noxious and blurring his vision. He had no response, and she had nothing left to say. Speaking harshly and bluntly was her trademark, for which she felt no guilt, and it was rarely enough to draw blood. Nonetheless, now that she was looking at it from the other side, she realized that these words stung as much to say as they did to hear.

"It'll be okay. I'll find a way."

The shrill ringing of the telephone startled them both. She wrenched it off the receiver and muttered her customary greeting

"Hello... Leah? Is he there?"

She exhaled slowly and squeezed her eyes shut, limply reaching out to offer him the handset.

"It's for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	15. Ain't Too Proud To Beg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy, you got some esplainin' to do.

_I know you wanna leave me,_   
_But I refuse to let you go,_   
_If I have to beg, plead for your sympathy,_   
_I don't mind 'cause you mean that much to me._

_Now I've heard a cryin' man  
Is half a man with no sense of pride,  
But if I have to cry to keep you,  
I don't mind weepin' if it'll keep you by my side._

**_Ain't Too Proud To Beg -_ ** _The Temptations_

* * *

Her back was pressed against the rough, mossy bark of a tree, with nothing but the sounds of birds and their heavy breathing to break the silence. She'd stopped caring about what it would take to get the stain out of the back of her shirt as soon as his hands were on her. The heat from his chest and the ambient heat of a summer day were stifling, though it wouldn't have made a difference to her either way. His lips on her throat, the low groan as her fingers wound their way into his hair, was making her head swim, and every rational and sensible thought had long since gone out the window. He pulled away for a moment, but she only gripped him tighter.

"Gee, aren't you supposed to buy me dinner first?" he chuckled. She pursed her lips before finally conceding to catch her breath.

"You're right. What would the neighbors think?" He snorted, brushing a lock of hair away from her face.

"I think I created a monster."

"Maybe," she smirked. "Or just poked it with a stick." He raised a single eyebrow, and she immediately turned red.

"Not like that! Get your mind out of the gutter."

"You started it," he laughed. With another kiss, he melted her pouting away. She couldn't stay annoyed with him, even if she wanted to.

"I didn't drag you away from something important, did I? I wasn't really thinking." She wasn't really thinking now, either. It was impossible.

"You sure as hell wouldn't have to drag me. I'd much rather be here," he replied. "Wait, don't you have work too?"

"They won't miss me for a little while. The store was dead."

"Yep. A monster."

It would be fine. Probably. The Newtons wouldn't be back from Portland until dinnertime. She locked up, she flipped the sign, and everything was in order. No harm, no foul. Her mind was elsewhere for the entire shift. She gave that plumber the wrong change, and she must have walked back and forth between the shelves and the storage room twenty times, always forgetting what she came in for. She wouldn't have been much use there anyways.

But those hands. Dear Lord, those hands. Even just flashing that little smile, which was soon replaced with something much more intense, heavy, magnetic, was enough to send a jolt of lighting all the way down her spine. He was so careful at first, but with some encouragement, he let himself loose, and it became a battle to see who could last the longest without coming up for air.

Tongue was a new one for her, but it took only a moment to get used to before concluding that she liked it. Through the combined power of her inexperience and Edward's old-fashioned sensibilities, her first kiss, and every one that came after it, was soft and chaste. She should have been grateful for that. Other girls dated pigs, walking breathing testaments to the validity of the phrase 'Guys only want one thing.' Other girls either messed around with them and were thereafter 'easy,' or said no and were labeled a tease. Edward never tried anything. Edward didn't want to.

"I should probably head back soon," she murmured. His hot breath behind her ear and the rumble in his throat prompted goosebumps to sprout all over her body.

"Awww, five more minutes," he whined with a playful nip to her ear. She giggled.

"I think we both know it wouldn't be five minutes. Not if you keep... _Oh._ "

It seemed he was trying to test her willpower, and succeeding. She was already on the verge of losing. She lightly pushed him backwards, just barely enough space between them that she could think clearly.

"I really should go."

"But I don't want you to."

"I don't want to either, but the only way you'll get a repeat is if Mr. Newton doesn't kill me for sneaking out."

"Fine," he huffed with mock annoyance. "Tomorrow?"

"Same time, same place?"

"I have work, remember? And so do you, assuming you make it through the night." She rolled her eyes.

"Afterwards, then."

"It's a date." He stepped closer, his arms wrapping around her for a deep parting kiss that threatened to pull her back and away from reality once again, like a strong current dragging her out to sea.

The rest of the day was mercilessly dull. It took everything she had not to close early. Twenty minutes. Fifteen. Twelve. Nine. Seven. Six.

"Close enough," she sighed. Her date tonight was with the stove and a mop, but at least she'd be home. Just a quiet evening with Charlie.

She shut their front door gingerly behind her in case her father was asleep in his chair again, not an uncommon sight the day after his late night shifts. Instead, there was a baseball game playing on the television, barely audible over her own footsteps.

"Hi, Dad," she said with a wave before slinking away to the kitchen. He rose with a long grunt and followed her.

"Evening, kiddo. How was work?"

"Oh, you know. The usual," she replied, her head stuck in the fridge in search of ground beef. "The Robinsons are blowing through fuses like there's no tomorrow, which might actually be what's keeping the shop's lights on these days, oddly enough. How was your day?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about." His voice was low and fatigued.

"It's not the bears again, is it? I thought breeding season was almost over."

"It's not bears, Bella. It's Eddie." She groaned under her breath and upon finding what she was looking for, shut the door.

"What about him?"

"He called here this morning asking for you. I took his messages but stopped answering after the third call." She wandered over to the pantry and began filing through its contents.

"I was thinking Frito pie for tonight. Do we have refried beans? Hmm…"

"Bella?"

"Looks like we don't. Doesn't matter. I can make it with black beans instead. It'll probably be healthier."

"Are you listening to me?"

"Yes," she said flatly. "Edward called. I'll alert the press."

"Well, aren't you going to call him back?"

"I have nothing to say to him." She withdrew a large knife from the drawer and decided to take out her current frustrations on an onion. She had no interest in anything Edward had to say. Being reminded of his existence was smothering the butterflies that had recently taken up residence in her stomach.

'He's your boyfriend. You can't act like this." A stroke of the knife came down especially hard onto the cutting board. If she didn't pay better attention, she was going to lose a finger.

"We're over, Dad," she said firmly. "I told him as much last time he called, and when I see him again, we'll be officially over."

"This is ridiculous," he muttered. "The boy is miserable, but he still loves you enough to try to get you back. You've made your point. Now go make up before he changes his mind."

"No."

"Bella," he warned.

"Dad, this is none of your business. I'm a grown woman, and I can decide for myself who I do or don't date." His mustache twitched.

"You're my daughter. You  _are_  my business. And I don't care how old you are; you're still a child, running around at night with all these 'friends' I've never heard of and dressing like your mother."

She'd finally reached the limit of her patience with Charlie. Strike one was sticking his nose where it didn't belong, Strike two was calling her a child, but speaking ill of Renee was what did her in.

"What the hell does that mean?" His mouth popped open.

"It means that her frivolous nonsense might be alright in Florida, but not here. Not in my house. What's gotten into you? No pride in your appearance anymore! Bad language! I agreed to all of her rules when it comes to you, but I will not let you just throw this all away because she gave you weird ideas."

"Why, so I can be trapped in a bad marriage too?"

The silence was deafening. She expected him to turn three shades of purple and send her to her room for back-talk, as if she were fifteen, but no. His face fell, and he turned tail and lumbered back into the living room. As vividly as it had gotten her point across, she knew instantly that her retort was below the belt.

"Dad," she sighed, hastily wiping her hands on a dishtowel before pursuing him. "Dad, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." He was gazing out the window, hands on his hips and refusing to look back at her. He cleared his throat, and with some hesitation, began:

"He's trying to fix it. He knows what's important, even if he might've lost sight of it for a while. I forgot what was important too once, and I've regretted it every damn day since."

"Dad…"

"'Stead of fixing it, I found something else, something that made all my problems disappear. I couldn't remember the last time I felt like that. But everything comes at a price, Bells. Everything."

He didn't like talking about it. Neither did Renee. This might've been the most he'd ever volunteered, and she wasn't sure what to make of it. Jaw set, he finally resolved to face her again, though he was not so prepared to look her in the eye.

"A man's gotta take care of what he has, defend it, honor it, be grateful for it. He's gotta keep his promises, come hell or high water, or he isn't really a man. He doesn't run off when things get rough. Eddie might've broken some promises, but at least he ain't runnin'. You understand?"

Her deep frustration with her father's uninformed advice had faded with her frown, replaced by a dusty kind of melancholy at the sight of the tired, uncommonly contrite man standing before her. However flawed his opinions were before, she did not have the heart to argue any further, only nodding and allowing him to swiftly excuse himself to the porch with a fresh pack of Marlboros. Through the window, she could see him drop into a rocking chair, his hand shaking as he attempted to light up. There he remained past sundown and late into the night.

By morning, he seemed to be back to his old self, though somehow less talkative than any typical morning. Breakfast passed by without incident or mention of the prior evening, and the rest of the morning was much the same. She donned the green canvas apron with the store's name emblazoned on the center, made brief, polite conversation with Mrs. Newton while holding her breath for any mention of her absence the day before, and tried not to be too distracted by the memories it had facilitated. Arranging boxes of screws and ball bearings was much more palatable in this dense, perfumed fog.

For the hundredth time that day, the bell clapped against the glass door, and she scurried to the front to acknowledge a new customer.

"What are you doing here?"

It was not a dirt-smudged laborer that met her at the counter, but an amber-haired adonis with wrinkled slacks and overcast eyes.

"The Chief said you'd be here."

"That still doesn't explain why you're  _here._  In Forks." She knew she sounded harsh, but those feelings that had been simmering on the back burner were now forcing their way to the front.

"You wouldn't answer my calls. What else was I supposed to do?"

"Take me at my word? Keep going exactly how you were before?"

"Bella," he started, his voice raised in protest. He clearly thought better of it, raising a hand in defeat and starting again with a deep sigh. "I made this trip to talk, not to fight with you right out of the gate."

"Your plan's not going very well."

"Because you won't even let me speak!"

She shook her head and looked down at the notepad in front of her, pretending to read through a few scrambled figures so she wouldn't have to watch his face contort. His hair was mussed, and a bit of his shirttail was not where it should be. It was hard to stick to her guns in his presence, and even harder while taking in this state.

"There's nothing to say, Edward. My mind's made up. You should go back before your buddies start to wonder where you are."

"Dammit, Bella!" he snapped, too loudly.

"Everything alright out there?" called Mr. Newton's muffled voice.

"Yes, sir! Everything's fine!" She prayed he wouldn't walk in and complicate the matter further. "You need to go," she whispered hoarsely.

"Not without you."

"I am at work!" she hissed. "And wouldn't matter even if I wasn't."

"Then come have dinner with me."

"Not interested." He looked as if he was trying to pull his hair out by the roots.

"Just an hour to talk. A half hour. You don't even have to say anything. I'll say my piece, and then I'll go back to Seattle."

"No."

"Isabella!" he protested, markedly raising his voice again with his eyes fixed on the closed office door.

"Shhhh! Edward, are you crazy? This is a business. You can't be doing this here!"

"Then come have dinner with me."

She groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose to stifle the headache that she could already sense looming overhead. As much as she wanted to see him retreat to his apartment, tail between his legs, it felt inhumane, but first and foremost, she needed to not be fired for causing a scene in the store. These days, her karma was not good enough to leave this up to fate. Whatever would calm him down and get him out of there.

"Fine. One hour."

He finally released the breath he had been holding for what seemed like the entire conversation.

"Great," he said crisply. "I'll pick you up at six."

The door clicked closed once again, and she groaned, sliding down against the back wall and hoping for some miracle, like a sprained ankle or an abduction, that would release her from their agreement. A girl could dream.

She was relieved to find that he was not camped out in front of the Swan residence when she returned. Charlie was right where she left him, though now in his uniform, wandering absent-mindedly around the living room in search of what was likely his wallet.

"You'll never guess who I ran into at work," she said dryly.

"Who?"

"Really, Dad? Why did you tell him where I was?" His formerly innocent tone was abandoned, and he sighed.

"Because that's where you were, wasn't it? Work?"

"O-of course. That's not the point. You told Edward, and then he came and tried to make a scene in the store."

"Oh, Eddie wouldn't do that. Don't be so hysterical."

"I'm not! You told him where to find me, and now I have to go out with him because that was the only way I could get him to leave."

"Well, what's done is done," he said, finally locating his wallet and stowing it in his back pocket. "Might as well hear what he has to say."

"You're unbelievable." She turned heel and stomped back up the stairs. His meddling was becoming far too much. He wasn't going to influence her decision in this, no matter how many tales of woe he managed to conjure.

She had already determined that she wouldn't change clothes. This was one small hiccup, a minor cul-de-sac in what would be another warm summer evening on the reservation. A paper-thin veneer of ladylike modesty chided her for it, but was drowned out by her desire for an even warmer rendezvous with Jake than the last.

Edward's driver door closed with a thud in what felt like only minutes after Charlie's departure, as if he had been waiting in the bushes. When he appeared in the doorway, he was clean-cut and dolled up again, smiling and punctuating the almost silent drive with inoffensive questions or anecdotes, but wary, pensive, as if he was trying to read her mind. It was unsettling. Whenever he was this serious, this tense, she felt as if she were in trouble with her father, waiting for a lecture. But seeing as this futile mission was intended to persuade her, she wasn't so worried.

From the plastic seats in the booth, she could see half the town, though she wasn't sure if that was more of a statement about the diner or the town itself. He slid in on the other side, scanning all nearby surfaces that he might come in contact with. He had barely opened the menu when the waitress appeared, chipper as always.

"Evening, Bella. How're you doing?"

"Fine, and yourself?"

"Another day in paradise," she replied with a wry smile. "You want the usual?"

"Yes please, with a cherry coke."

Betty was still trying not to stare at him. Bella had seen that look countless times before, though usually with a side of venom saved especially for her when he wasn't paying attention. It used to serve as a constant reminder that she wasn't good enough for him, that there were hoards of prettier girls lying in wait to snatch him away at the first opportunity, but now it just looked desperate.

"And what about your man-friend here? You ready hon, or do you need a minute?"

"He'll have the same," Bella cut in. "But swap the swiss for cheddar."

"Got it." She plucked the menu out of his hand and gave Bella a wink before heading back to the counter. Edward, on the other hand, looked completely bewildered by the interaction. There was something oddly satisfying about seeing him squirm for a change.

"Do you come here that often?"

"Only when my Dad has night patrol." He looked nervously over towards the kitchen.

"What is the 'usual'?"

"Cheeseburger with swiss and extra pickles, fries, and onion rings. I normally get pie too, but they only have apple today." This did nothing to ease his confusion.

"Are you really going to eat all that?"

"Did you come all this way just to pass judgement on my dinner?" she asked.

"No, I wanted to talk to you."

"I'm listening." She slid her cup over from its landing spot and took a sip.

"I've been thinking about what you said," he began. "I know I could have been more attentive than I was. You might not believe me, but this internship really is all about us, Bella. It's about planning for our future. I want to be able to provide for you and give you everything you deserve. This is how I'll make that happen."

"I didn't want things, Edward. I wanted my boyfriend."

"You're going to want a couple things," he said dryly. "Like a house, cars, a better life for our children? You need money for that."

"I don't care about a pool or driving a new Cadillac if you're so married to your job that I need pills to get through the day." His eyes narrowed. She shouldn't have said that, even if it was common knowledge.

"That was a low blow, Isabella."

_He's not wrong._

"It was. I'm sorry. But it's the truth, and I don't know if I even want all that to begin with."

His quizzical expression was a sign that this might have been the most honest she'd ever been with Edward, save telling her about Phil and Renee. It was not, as she always feared, some great ordeal, and she wondered why she hadn't done this earlier.

"What does that mean? You're not really suggesting-"

_Ah yes. That's why._

She was rescued by the arrival of dinner, which she immediately dove into with great enthusiasm while he watched, dumbfounded by this entire scene. With some hesitation, he began nipping at his own burger, gears silently turning as he looked out through the huge panes of glass that made up much of the wall. This had admittedly been quite a lot for him to take in, especially regarding a girl he'd gone steady with for this long. There was a growing awareness that, from the very beginning, she hadn't been honest with him, though come to think of it, she hadn't been entirely honest with herself either. It hurt a little, to her surprise. Watching him try to parse out what was real from what she told him, she saw beyond all the sins that were stripping the gears in her own head. She always hated disappointing people, which perhaps is how she ended up here in the first place.

They finished their meal in silence,but their usually savvy waitress was occupied elsewhere, and the sun had already set by the time the bill arrived. His gaze from behind the wheel was fixed and intense, deep in concentration, as if he were trying to solve a math problem in his head. She didn't disturb him, and she allowed him to open her door after finally pulling into the dirt and gravel in front of her house. He didn't move. Neither did she. She chewed on the inside of her cheek, waiting either for him to speak or walk away.

"I think...that maybe we both have things to think about," he began, glancing at the ground. "I promised I'd leave you alone, and I will, if that's what you want. I'll be back in time for Rose's graduation party." He paused and pressed his lips together. "If you want to reconsider, I'll be waiting."

He took her gently by the waist, pulling her close, and planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

"I love you, Bella."

She watched his headlights grow smaller and smaller as he drove away, before disappearing around the bend. The exhaustion finally began to settle in as she shuffled back into the house, and she felt like a stake being slowly tapped into the dirt. Climbing the stairs was now a chore, as was wrenching open the squeaky door to her bedroom. A cool breeze rolled in to meet her at the threshold.

"So that's where you were."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late again, it seems. Two surprises in one day, and the girl's already running on fumes. Looks like it's all downhill from here.
> 
> EDIT: It looks like the next chapter is going to be a long one. I'll have it out soon, but it's an important one, so I don't want to rush it out.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Please leave your thoughts in the comments!


	16. Save The Last Dance For Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too much. It's all too much.

_Oh, I know that the music's fine_  
_Like sparklin' wine, go and have your fun_  
_Laugh and sing, but while we're apart_  
_Don't give your heart to anyone_

_And don't forget who's takin' you home_  
_And in whose arms you're gonna be_  
_So darling, save the last dance for me_

_**Save The Last Dance For Me**  - The Drifters_

* * *

She froze, eyes wide. Maybe surprising her in her bedroom wasn't the best idea he'd ever had, but then again, she didn't leave him with a lot of options. She was going to talk, and he wasn't going to wait around all night to hear it.

Let's be honest: he absolutely would have waited around all night for her had he not seen them, even though the anticipation was wearing on him like an ant bite. It was hard to think about anything but her anymore; her big brown doe eyes, the way she kissed him, the way she smiled when he came into view. Something -someone- to look forward to, someone waiting for him that was only here for him. It felt like nobody had been happy to see him purely for him, not for money or chores or to fix something, since his mother passed. Why couldn't every day be like that? He saw himself slipping more every day, a magnetic pull growing stronger and stronger until he couldn't imagine spending another single day without her. He didn't fully understand it until now. His father was a man of few words and just as private, but in those rare moments that he recalled his late wife, there was no doubt that his love for her had not wavered for even a moment. So this is what it felt like.

"Jake?" she stammered. "I'm sorry I…Something came up all of a sudden and I lost track of the time."

"Don't bullshit me, Bella. You know better than that."

"I'm not bullshitting you," she said irritably.

"Tell me, is that really him?"

'Who?" He rolled his eyes.

"Don't play dumb. The Ricky Nelson wannabe you were out with." She paused, then nodded. Was she seriously considering whether or not to tell him the truth?

"Yes, that's Edward."

"Good," he replied gruffly. "For a minute there, I thought I was having a stroke. Now for my next question: Why the hell were you out with him?"

"I wasn't 'out' with him. I didn't want to see him in the first place. I wanted him gone."

"So much that you're getting dinner with him?"

"I know it sounds insane, but yes." He rose from the windowsill.

"You're right. It is insane."

Admittedly, there was no concrete plan. She'd call the shop or just appear. For lack of a call, he elected to come to her, and he instantly regretted it. They were chatting with the waitress, sitting by the window in front of the entire town. No fuss. Just some handsome jackass and his girl hanging out like normal people. He continued onward, not sure if he wanted to slip by unnoticed or if he wanted to sock the guy in the mouth. It was a tough choice. Once they came back, it was much less so. He couldn't make out most of what the guy was saying, only a handful of words, but with the view from the window, he didn't need to hear it all.

" _I love you, Bella."_

"Jake, why are you being like this?" Brows furrowed, she watched him pace back and forth in front of the window. "It was nothing. We talked and he turned around and went back to Seattle. That's it."

"What, he doesn't have a phone?"

"No, he-"

"No pay phones?"

"Jake-"

"How about a singing telegram?"

"Goddammit Jake, stop!" She stomped her foot down onto the scuffed wooden floorboards, knocking down a book that was leaning against the side of her shelf. She was pink and pissed off, but not in the endearing way to which he was accustomed.

"I told you; I don't want him here! He just showed up unannounced when I was at work, and I did what I needed to do to get rid of him." She sighed. "He's a dummy, but he's not a bad person. He just looked so sad, and I felt like I owed him an explanation."

"Was I part of your 'explanation'?" He waited for an answer, but she said nothing, silenced by a glint of shame in her eyes. He already knew the answer.

"Yep," he scoffed.

"What?" He shook his head, his lips pressed together into a sardonic smile. "What, Jake?" she demanded. "What is this about?"

" _I love you, Bella."_

He could already feel that anger surging upwards again. It was loosening his lips, but that pretty boy's stupid mug, and his stupid creased pants, and a car so new and shiny that you could see your reflection in the paint job, made him want to punch a wall. Here to steal her back, and he absolutely had the power to do it.

_Of course he was in Seattle. They churn out nothing but entitled little panty waist shits like him everyday. Oh, I bet her old man loooooves him. I bet he made more sitting at a desk for two months than I did all year. Sure, he probably doesn't know any of her favorite books, or her mom's old nickname for her, or all the places she wants to see. He probably doesn't care. He doesn't have to. He's perfect. Just fucking perfect._

"Nothing. Just thought you would have had the decency to break up with him before you put your tongue down my throat. Or stay broken up, at least."

Her mouth popped open. He watched her face twist from shock to indignation. He'd finally said it, but it didn't feel like steam escaping as much as an explosion.

"Is that  _really_ what you think of me? Jesus Christ, Jake. I broke up with him before we did any of...that."

"Looks like you forgot to tell him that. Thanks for dropping our plans to tie that one up, by the way."

"I didn't drop anything!"

"You forgot, then. I'm flattered."

"Ugh! Stop it! Why are you being like this, so-"

"-Honest? Because it looks like I need to be."

She turned away from him and sat down hard on the edge of her bed. Her face, once pink from anger, was now becoming red as her soft brown eyes began to swell with tears. She sucked in a harsh breath, and covered her face with her hands. Instant regret crashed over him like salt surf in a storm.

_Are you happy? You made her cry, you piece of shit. That's what you are: a piece of shit._

Her tiny body trembled as tears pooled in her eyes, angry but somehow restraining herself. He stepped towards her, reaching out, wanting nothing more than to comfort her, to make it all stop, but she refused.

"Go."

_You fucked up, kid. You fucked up real bad._

Unwanted, he slowly slipped out the window without another word, taking one more look at her before grabbing onto the branch and ambling down. He mounted his bike and kicked off hard. The engine whined as he pushed it to its limits, mindlessly making his way back towards that miserable place in the woods he called home.

_She deserves better._

Days. A week. Two weeks. More? She didn't know for sure. She told herself she wasn't waiting for him, but it was a lie. She told herself that she wasn't hoping he'd suddenly appear in her window again. That was also a lie. Though he was surely itching to find out how her meeting with Edward went, Charlie had the good sense to censor himself after she emerged unresponsive that following morning.

With the summer fading and another year of school looming on the horizon, the sensible thing to do with her time was peruse the class list for the fall. The upcoming semester offered more interesting classes than she could take in two: Social Psychology, European Literature, East Asian Religions, Medieval History; the list went on and on. On further thought, it would be possible to take five classes rather than just three or four. While she always remained studious, she could not deny that she had slipped a notch since Edward entered the picture. What girl wants to spend her nights in the library when she could be having dinner or seeing a movie with a guy like him? It was silly. She'd been silly. Her goal from day one was to get ahead, graduate early, and finally do all the things she'd dreamed about since childhood. But it wasn't too late.

"It's for you, kiddo!"

She roused herself from the sofa and padded into the kitchen. When she took the receiver from Charlie, his face registered nothing but his typical post-dinner grogginess, which was an encouraging sign.

"Hello?" she asked hesitantly.

"Bella!" squeaked an ecstatic voice from the other end.

"Alice? I didn't think you were coming back for another week. The 6th, right?"

"Bella, it's the 7th." She glanced over at the calendar, where she had marked her birthday and the start of classes several months ago.

"Shit, I guess it is," she muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing. Sorry, I guess I just haven't been paying attention. How was Hawaii?"

"Amaaaazing," she drawled dreamily. "The ocean was crystal-clear and better than bathwater, and palm trees everywhere. It's true about the surfers too," she cheekily added. "They're all very cute. If I didn't have Jasper, I would have stuffed one in my suitcase! Oh, it's magical, Bella. I want to move there. I'll never be able to go back to Washington beaches again after that."

" _What the hell?! Jacob! Put me down!"_

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to wring the image out of her mind like water from a rag.

"Soundslike you all had fun."

"But what about you, hmm? I'm  _dying_  to hear about your summer. What did you do? Did you go to Seattle? Did you see your mom? How is Edward?"

"Oh, it was fine," she replied, hoping to skirt a full-on interrogation with her father in the next room. "Just work and-" A booming voice echoed unintelligibly from the background on the other end.

"Coming, Daddy! Sorry, Bella. I have to go. You can tell me all about it tomorrow night."

"What's tomorrow night, again?"

"Rosalie's graduation party, remember?" she sighed. "Honestly, you need a secretary. Wear that dress I got you for the homecoming formal!" With a click, the line when dead.

It was a toss up as to whether she had actually forgotten, or if she was hoping it would magically disappear if she pretended it didn't exist. It wasn't her idea of a good time back when the summer started, and now it was looking distinctly less so. Three hours trapped one of the Gabor sister's summer homes with the entire Cullen clan, Edward included. She would have rather gone swimming in the piranha tank at the zoo, but etiquette stated that, barring an earthquake or a piano falling on her head, she needed to honor her RSVP. Curiously, she also felt a certain sense of obligation to Rose in particular for the crew meet. The ice queen was beginning to thaw, it seemed.

She cursed under her breath as one high heel wedged itself into the seam of the brick pavers that lined the walkway to the Cullen house, completing her step but leaving the shoe behind in the process. The evening was already off to a great start. Late, but not too late, the party was in full swing when she arrived, and everyone had already found their clique. Dr. Cullen had assembled his hospital friends in the corner for shop talk, and Mrs. Cullen and her friends had taken over most of the living room furniture, occasionally shrieking with laughter and dropping ashes all over themselves and the table. Emmett was likewise occupied with much of the wrestling team, but the Cullen children were nowhere to be seen.

Breathing a quick sigh of relief, she took some mystery cocktail from a passing tray and began the search for Alice. A flash of flaming red caught her eye; there was that girl again, and Rosalie was right beside her, conversing in low, hushed voices. Bella must have caught her eye as well. She gave a quick flash of a smile before whispering something in her companion's ear. It was nice to be in her good graces, or whatever Rose's version of that was. The hard part was deciding if she should tell Rose what she saw, or leave it be. It wasn't her business, after all, and she cringed at the possibility of waking her ire once again. She wasn't given much time to ponder the subject, as Alice had found her first.

"Bella!" she chirped, pulling her in for an unexpected hug. "Oh, I missed you! How are you?" She squeezed back once she realized what had happened.

"Good, good. I missed you, too." Alice withdrew, craning her neck to look behind her friend.

"Where's Eddie?"

"No idea."

_Oops._

"I thought he would be with you. I haven't seen him all night. Did something happen with you two?" Bella took an uneasy sip.

"We can talk about that later. Are the others here? I want to hear about everyone's summer."

She knew Alice couldn't resist an opportunity to gush about the luau in front of an audience. Allowing herself to be dragged away for a recitation of everyone's far superior summers beat the hell out of the alternative. The majority of her school friends had assembled, all eager to discuss family vacations and camping trips. She nodded indulgently, all the while scanning the room for some sign of Edward. She wasn't sure how to behave around him, or if he was actively avoiding her. It sounded selfish, but she had to admit that she still missed having him around.

Like the finale of a Houdini act, he suddenly appeared by the kitchen, cutting through the crowd to interrupt his father, who had not left that spot since she arrived. He whispered something in the doctor's ear, who replied and tipped his head to his bride on the sofa. Carlisle excused himself while Edward collected her, waving down the maid, who scurried into the kitchen and returned with a tray of filled champagne flutes. As if they had communicated through some sort of sibling telepathy, Rosalie joined them all in the living room, patting Emmett on the shoulder for his attention, and he followed. A hush fell over the party as Carlisle began to tap a spoon against the glass.

"Everyone, if I could please have your attention for a moment," he began. "We have all gathered here tonight for a celebration, and we have quite a lot to celebrate. First and foremost, I want to congratulate my daughter, who has graduated Summa Cum Laude from one of the most prestigious universities in Washington."

He was interrupted by applause, which was met with a brief, modest smile from Rosalie. He continued:

"And she only grows lovelier every day. Her mother and I are immensely proud of the young woman she has become, and the woman she will be. So, please join me in a toast: To Rosalie, her accomplishments, and a bright future ahead."

"To Rosalie!"

Bella, never caring much for champagne, raised her tumbler with the crowd. A muscle twitched in Rose's cheek. She'd seen that face before, trying to maintain a smile when your face hurts from keeping it going for too long. Emmett shifted in place, looking to Rose for reassurance. She looked to him, mouth still frozen in place, and took his hand. The air was buzzing with electricity, but just one look from the couple made her uneasy.

"And speaking of the future, we have one more announcement to make," said Esme, cutting in. Her husband, who gave her a stern look that was apparent to everyone but her, allowed her to continue. "I am so happy to share with you an even greater joy: the engagement of my Rosie to a fine young man, a dear friend to her and to our family since they were in diapers, Emmett McCarty." She sniffed, somehow already misty-eyed. "And while I'm sad to let her go, I am overjoyed to finally be able to officially welcome him into our family."

"To Emmett and Rosalie!" said Carlise, seemingly cutting her off. The partygoers parroted a second time before swarming the family with well-wishes and congratulatory handshakes. Rose yielded to their good intentions for only a few moments before snatching up a second glass of champagne and excusing herself, attempting to conceal a grimace and she downed nearly half of it, with the redhead in pursuit once the crowd's attention had turned.

Edward was certainly turning up the charm. She didn't know how he did it. Perhaps it just came naturally to someone like him. He was dressed like a miniature version of his father, only making her feel even more underdressed. He and Emmett exchanged looks, and once he noticed that Rose had left, he left them all in the hands of his father and particularly animated mother to join his future brother-in-law. He hadn't seen Bella yet, it appeared, and she hoped it would stay that way for the time being.

Rose's demeanor that night was strange, and her departure even stranger. The red-headed girl had been lurking in the shadows for the toast, watching Rose keenly, stone-faced and grave. The resident gossip would know.

"Alice, who was that girl next to Rosalie?"

"That's Victoria," she replied in a harsh whisper. "Rose's friend from boarding school. I don't know how she's here, though. Jasper told me she wasn't invited."

"Why not?"

"Her parents. Nobody's really sure what happened. All I know is there was some kind of falling out with the family a while ago, and now they won't have anything to do with her. It's all very hush-hush. I never told you this, by the way," she added quickly.

"Sure sure."

_A forbidden friend, huh? That sounds awfully familiar._

She paused, struck by the implications of her thoughts, but shook her head. The hubbub, the gossip, the Cullens; it was more than she'd bargained for tonight, and after barely an hour, she was ready to hit the bricks.

" _You wanna get out of here?"_

She slipped out through the front door, praying earnestly that she would be allowed a few moments alone with her drink before Alice sent out a search party. Acting normal was more tiring than she remembered, and even more so when packed inside like sardines with Cullens and dozens of assorted guests, all still buzzing from the excitement of the announcement. Edward's absence kept the attention off of her, at least. Daintily, she inched carefully down the front steps and took a seat, finally tugging off her heels in annoyance after they tried to kill her for the third time that night. Turning her glass in hand, she took a long sip, the ice almost crashing against her nose as she tried to finish the last drops. The moon was in a similar mood: present, but only barely so, hiding behind passing wisps of cloud.

Maybe she'd been foolish. All this time, thinking there really was a place for her, that all it would take was a little fortitude, and everything would work itself out from there. Maybe she had been selfish for trying, and for hurting two people in the process. The fault was not entirely hers, of course. Still sore from both their misdeeds, she struggled not to fold like a roadmap when the crushing loneliness made it harder to breathe. She was loathe to admit it, for the latter more than the former, but she still missed Jacob and Edward terribly. Renee would have told her to go out and find Jake instead of sitting there hoping he would come back, waiting for him to apologize so she could absolve herself of the lingering anger and fall back into his arms. More silly wishes from a silly girl.

_Time to grow up._

Someone had turned the music up. The crowd had no doubt moved on from polite conversation to tipsy dancing, bouncy love songs and the jazzy sort of numbers beloved by everyone's parents. With their speech becoming even less audible over the noise, she hoped no one would hear her and steal her hiding spot.

The low purr of an engine was suddenly approaching, and a set of headlights nearly blinded her as the culprit turned the corner and headed straight for the house. She groaned miserably. A late guest, here to crash her pity party and remind them all that she existed. The rumbling ceased, and her eyes had not yet adjusted when a husky voice called her name.

"Hey, Bells."

The flash of teeth was unmistakable, even behind a chastened smile, and her heart gave a pathetic thump. He was somehow more beautiful than before. Perhaps it was the moon's fault, dousing them both in silver light that made his russet skin glow. There was something off about him though, and she didn't realize what it was until she saw that his usual ensemble had been replaced with clean pants and a buttoned shirt, though he'd still rolled the sleeves up to just below his bulging biceps. It took every ounce of willpower she had not to leap up and grab him around the waist.

_He came back._

She didn't even care if he was sorry.

_Yes, you do. He was still an ass. Neither of you are off the hook until he apologizes. I swear to God, Bella…_

She bit her lip and averted her eyes, swirling the shrinking ice around in circles.

"Are you going to give me the silent treatment?" She took a sip of the melted remains of her drink, and he sighed heavily, strolling towards her before landing at her feet.

"Come on, Bells. I want to talk to you. There's something I need to tell you."

Pained, almost bittersweet.

"Is it 'Sorry'?"

"Maybe," he replied, a tiny smirk trying to work its way to the surface."But you're going to have to talk to me to find out." A paper-thin veneer of humor masking the unfailing sincerity that always awoke butterflies in her stomach.

"Alight, then. You leave me no choice," he said. "I'm calling in my last favor."

"And what's that?" mumbled Bella. He held out his hand.

"You have to dance with me." She stared blankly back at him. "Oh come on, Bells. You owe me your life, remember? It's not a bad song, either," he added.

_Just say it already so I don't have to hold back anymore._

His eyes. He was being cute again, maddeningly so, and she was inclined to tell him to stuff it, but there was something dark about his eyes that made her concede and slowly take his hand. He helped her to her feet and lead her further away from prying eyes before pulling her in close by the small of her back.

"I guess I'll start with the part you've been waiting for, then: I'm sorry. I know you didn't do anything wrong. I was an asshole. I promised myself I would never make you cry, and I screwed it up. Can you forgive me?" Slowly, shyly, she raised her eyes to meet his, but she still couldn't keep her lips from cracking into a smile.

"Maybe." He grinned, and began to sway along with the song that was just barely carrying over the wind. Finally allowing her body to relax, she draped her arms around his neck.

"Glad to hear it."

"I have to ask about the getup," she said, nodding towards his collar.

"It's a party, isn't it? Thought I'd dress for the occasion."

For a quiet moment, she savored basking in his unnatural warmth again, his heartbeat like a metronome. Safe again. Whole again.

"Why didn't you come back?" she murmured. He paused, gazing out into the distance.

"I needed to think for a little while."

"About what?"

"About why I'm such an asshole," he said with a chuckle. "And about you. Mostly you, actually." He exhaled sharply. "And how I was going to do this."

She searched his face for some clue, but the intensity of his gaze offered no answers and only made her heart flutter even more.

"I'm leaving Forks."

Something cold and heavy dropped into the pit of her stomach.

"What do you mean, you're leaving?" His grip around her tightened.

"I enlisted."

_No. No no no no no._

"Wha- Jake, no," she replied, reeling from only five words. "That's crazy! You can't just leave like that. It's-"

"-It's a done deal. I leave for basic tomorrow." Each word came out carefully and deliberately.

_He'll come back in a box. They all come back in a box. If they find them at all._

"Jake, you can't go!" A lump began to form in her throat as the full weight of his words settled over her. "You've lost your mind. Do you know what happens when guys go to 'Nam? They don't come back." Her voice was cracking with every word. "You won't come back."

"Not much faith in me, huh? I'm a little insulted." A weak chuckle vibrated in his chest, but soon faded. His voice grew low and soothing. "Don't worry, honey. It'll be fine. Jared's going, too. We'll watch each other's backs."

She didn't really know Kim, but she could only imagine what she was going through tonight. She and Jared had been together for such a long time, and he was about to abandon her, going to the other side of the world to dodge bullets, letting her sit here and pray he came back in one piece. What could possibly be going through their heads?

He was still keeping a brave face, a favor she was failing to return. He was practically the only thing holding her up, still moving them both to the slow beat radiating from the house.

"Why?" she breathed. "Why the hell would you do that?"

"I've thought about it for a while," he said thoughtfully. "My old man served, you know. My uncle, too. Sort of a family tradition, I guess. More than that though, it's my ticket out of the reservation."

"How could an exploding jungle possibly be better than your home?" she sniffed.

"G.I. Bill. It's the only way I'll ever get to go to college." Her eyes widened in disbelief.

"Jake, there are other ways," she sputtered. "You could take out a loan or get a second job or...let me pay for it! I've got some money saved from my job-"

"-No, honey. It's something I've got to do." She buried her face in his chest, breathing in the warm, comforting scent of his skin, trying to memorize it. An errant tear slid off her nose, staining his shirt.

"Stay. Stay here with me," she murmured. "We can figure something else out, I swear, but please, don't leave."

"Bella, please…" he pleaded. "I can't."

"Why? I want a real reason, none of this 'I just can't' bullshit. Tell me right now: is this really what you want?"

"What I want is to stay right here with you," he said, brushing a lock of hair from her face. "More than anything. That's why I have to go."

"You don't make any sense."

He gently lifted her chin upward. His eyes were fixed on hers, intense and determined, and she was completely unable to look away.

"I'm in love with you, Bella. I've never felt this way about anyone. Hell, I knew from the night we met that you were special, but me? I've got twenty bucks to my name and nothing to offer you. Maybe someday I'll be worth something, but even then I still couldn't give you the life you should have. I don't want you to give up your family or your dreams so that you can spend the rest of your life being stared at and spit on and followed by strangers. You deserve better than that."

She blinked, only barely comprehending it all. Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks as she looked up at him, studying every inch of his face: his shaggy black hair that never met a comb, his dark eyes that burned like volcanic glass, his bright white smile. But the sad smile he wore for her was faltering more by the second.

"Jake…"

"Wait, before I forget." Regaining his composure for a moment, he reached deep into his pockets and pulled out a tiny drawstring bag made of cream colored muslin. "I made you something."

Inside was a piece of smooth, polished wood. A ray of moonlight revealed an intricately carved wolf baying at the moon, dangling from a tinier silver link. It was absolutely stunning.

"Jake, it's beautiful," she said in awe, admiring it in the palm of her hand. "You made this for me?"

"Something to remember me by."

That was what finally broke the dam. She clutched the back of his shirt, as if she could hold him there forever and never let him leave. Her entire body was shaking as he stroked her hair.

_I should have stood Edward up. I should have found Jacob after we fought. I could have stopped this. I could have talked him out of it. The one person in the whole world knows me, who loves me exactly as I am, and now it's too late._

"Hey, " he said softly.

Taking her face in his hands, he guided her lips to his. Soft, but urgent, deepening and sending fire through her veins one last time. If only she could freeze time. They could stay like this forever, and they would never have to be apart again. She whimpered as he finally broke the kiss, pulling away in spite of their true desires.

"Goodbye," he whispered, kissing her on the forehead. "I love you, Bells."

There was nothing keeping her upright any longer. She sank to her knees and dissolved into open sobs, not caring who saw her or what they might think. Holding his gift tightly to her chest, she watched as his headlights grew smaller and smaller until he completely disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I'm sorry to end the chapter on such a sad note. This was the one chapter that I knew I was going to write from the very beginning, and even after puzzling it over for months, writing it still put me in a major funk.
> 
> But this is not the end for Jake and Bells.


	17. Nowhere To Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What to do, what to do...

_Nowhere to run to, baby, nowhere to hide_   
_Got nowhere to run to, baby, nowhere to hide_   
_It's not love, I'm a running from_   
_It's the heartbreak I know will come_   
_'Cause I know you're no good for me, but you've become a part of me_   
_Ev'rywhere I go, your face I see, ev'ry step I take, you take with me yeah_

**_Nowhere To_ _Run_ ** _\- Martha & The Vandellas_

* * *

Alice was the one who found her. She was mostly good in small doses, but he was infinitely grateful for her nosiness that night. Bella was nothing short of a mess; Knees scraped and dirty, weeping, she wobbled back onto her bare feet like a fawn, and Alice escorted her into the house through the back door and into the guest room out of sight. He kept his distance, partly for fear of aggravating her condition, and partly because a strange sense of helplessness had taken over. His first instinct was to scoop her up, extract them both from this ridiculous soiree, and fix whatever it was that had her in such a state, but that wasn't what she would want, was it? The temptation was great, especially as his imagination started trying to fill in the blanks.

_She could have just had too much to drink._

It didn't sound anything at all like Bella, but then again, it was clear that he didn't know her half as well as he thought.

_Is this about me?_

The thought had definitely occurred to him before. He tiptoed towards the door, hoping to overhear something, some clue that would relieve this unbearable need to know what had toppled this girl. Nothing was audible but some muffled coaxing from Alice. Her friend gingerly stepped out and immediately found him.

"What happened?"

"I was hoping you'd tell me," she answered flatly, her eyes accusatory. "More importantly, why am  _I_  the one taking care your girlfriend?"

"Because she's not my girlfriend," said Edward, his voice low and quiet. Her eyes widened in shock, and he braced himself for the inevitable onslaught.

"What did you do?" she hissed. "Because if  _you_ -"

"-I didn't do anything. She broke up with me while I was in Seattle."

"What? Why?"

He sighed heavily. "Well, I guess not 'doing anything' was the problem. I neglected her while I was away, and I didn't fix it when I had the chance. By the time I got my head on straight again, it was too late. "

No longer on the offensive, she pursed her lips.

"Do you think that's what this is about?" He shrugged.

"Maybe. Did she say anything?"

"Barely. Nothing I could make out. I don't think I'm going to get much out of her tonight anyways." He glanced anxiously at the bedroom door. "I think she needs to go home." He nodded.

"Do you need me to follow you?"

"No thanks," she replied. "You stay here with the family and look pretty. I'll tell Jas to pick me up. You might want to split before I bring her out, though."

He nodded and strode back towards the living room, loosening his necktie and giving Bree a reassuring smile on his way. A quick glance in the hallway mirror confirmed that everything was in order. Hopefully, a little more champagne would settle his nerves.

_Relax. She's in good hands._

Rose had to be around here somewhere. She and Vicky couldn't hide forever, especially once Mom and Pop caught wind. He could only hope that she wasn't drunk already, though given the circumstances, if she wasn't already, she was probably trying her best. If so, she hid it well, stationed by the drink cart and giving one of her patented non-smiles whenever necessary. He wasn't convinced she was looking for company, but better that he found her than one of their mother's friends.

"Enjoying the party?"

"Sarcasm doesn't become you, baby brother."

"Sorry. I thought I'd maybe lighten the mood," he replied with a discreet smirk. "They all seem to be enjoying themselves. Mom and Pop especially.

"I suppose they got what they wanted out of this mess, didn't they?"

"And what's that?"

"A respectable daughter. Or a convincing replica, anyways."

"They would have done it either way," he replied. "You know how Mom is about this kind of thing. Though, maybe they would have been less...theatrical."

"Somehow, I don't think the reviews are going to be as kind as these tipsy assholes," she chuckled darkly.

"Neither are yours if you don't watch the language." She rolled her eyes.

"So how's Bella?" He peered curiously over at her.

"Alice already got to you? I swear, that girl has no sense of discretion."

"Who?"

"Jas's girlfriend," he huffed impatiently. She looked at him blankly before taking a long sip of her gimlet.

"Sure."

"I don't know," he sighed heavily. "She was acting so strange all summer. I barely recognized her last time I came home. She seemed so calm about the entire thing, but it must have been harder on her than I thought."

He expected some snide comment at Bella's expense, but she said nothing, lazily watching her parent's friends slipping out of their usually restrained chitchat.

"Do you know something that I don't?"

"I've met her twice, Edward," she said flatly. "I wouldn't know the first thing about her."

"You could have at least tried."

Her constant aloofness was frustrating. He always considered himself a great judge of character, more perceptive than most when it came to the feelings and motivations of those around him. Rose had deliberately obfuscated her own for the better part of a decade, though that didn't mean she was so completely opaque. Vicky was the only exception, and he couldn't fault Rose for leaning so heavily on her only real friend, even if she was a 'bad influence,' whatever that meant. This he was used to. This he could handle. What he could not handle was the possibility that she and the girl he loved could have that in common.

"What a funny thing for you to say."

He couldn't rightfully challenge that, and though he was irritated by her prickliness this evening, he was inclined to be patient with her.

"It'll get better once you're out," he offered. "You won't be under their thumb anymore. You and Emmett could move to Seattle or New York or something, and then you won't have to see them except for Thanksgiving and Christmas."

"Yeah." Their father appeared from the dining room. He was searching for someone, as if they didn't already know.

"Speak of the devil," she muttered, watching him make a beeline for their roost. His hair was somehow a bit disheveled, which was not an encouraging sign.

"I've been looking for you everywhere, Rosalie. Where were you?"

"I stepped out for some air," she said innocently.

"For nearly an hour?" asked Carlisle, his low voice betraying a fracture in his permanently warm and charming visage.

"Yes."

Her tone was already becoming defiant, perhaps in the hopes that the risk of causing a scene would assuage the incoming lecture. This strategy had worked in the past, but there were certainly no guarantees here. She always loved playing with fire. Their father looked about the room again.

"Where is Emmett? You shouldn't be ignoring your fiance right after the announcement."

"Enjoying the party, I assume."

_So much for that theory, I suppose._

"You're being incredibly rude to your guests," he said, a veiled warning.

"They aren't  _my_ guests. They're  _your_  guests."

"Of course they're your guests. This is your party, and you are their hostess, and as such, it's your responsibility to make them feel welcome."

"No, this is just another one of your Ward Cleaver publicity moments for Mother's society friends, and they seem to just fine to me."

Edward could feel them both on the verge of boiling over, one misstep away from their father hauling her into the kitchen by the elbow like when they were kids. Most everyone else didn't seem to be catching on. He hoped it wouldn't come to that.

"You are being incredibly selfish! I spent a small fortune on this party, and your mother spent weeks planning it, making sure every detail was perfect, all for you!"

"Then perhaps you should have asked me if I wanted any of this in the first place," she replied coolly, tossing back the remains of her glass. "Could have saved you the trouble."

Before he could respond, she brushed past her brother and made for the bedroom. Carlisle's mouth was agape, but he had thankfully maintained his composure.

"Sometimes I wonder what went wrong with your sister. We've given her everything, and this is what we have to show for it. We never had that problem with you."

"Pop-"

"-We gave her too much freedom when what she really needed was discipline. I let your mother talk me out of sending her to a reformatory, but I should have put my foot down. 'Spare the rod, spoil the child.'" He sighed and shook his head. "I hope Emmett can straighten her out."

He walked away, leaving Edward to contemplate this tangled mess in solitude. Was there a single woman in his life that was actually happy, or were they all hiding something from him? When did everything go so wrong? Through the window, two sets of headlights drew back from the driveway and out into the darkness.

The shop looked the same as it had every time before; same shabby roof and peeling paint, same cyclone-level mess adorning the workshop floor. But now, there was something different about it that eluded her. The pack's absence didn't help. The radio was now crystal clear out to the driveway without hubbub of half a dozen rambunctious boys bickering and braying like mules. She stopped hard in the gravel, making the brakes cry out with the same high-pitched squeak they'd been giving her for days. If only she knew a good mechanic.

She wasn't sure if it was open, or if she would even be welcome without Jacob there to enforce it. The latter didn't particularly concern her. Her mind was made up, and she'd hassle each and every one of them until she got...something. Truth be told, she wasn't entirely sure why she was here or what she was hoping to find inside. A careful knock on the office door yielded a half-hearted response from inside.

"We're closed. Come back tomorrow."

"My truck's running fine."

Leah was nose-deep in a magazine and not interested in being disturbed. She sized her up, seemingly hardened since their last meeting, and dumped it on the floor beside her.

"I wondered when you'd show up. What took you so long?"

She didn't know how to answer wondered what kind of answer the she-wolf was looking for, and how much her cooperation depended on it.

"I didn't know what to do," Bella replied, looking at the floor. "At first, I couldn't believe he would do it. I thought it was just a bad dream. But then-"

She twisted her bracelet nervously about her wrist, the charm dangling among cohorts. The last days had been a death march. Propelled only by absolute necessity, she spent hour after hour packing for the return to campus, locking the four walls of her room around her like a cocoon. He could be there any minute now, rapping on the window with that cheeky grin, ready to confirm her desperate hopes: it was just a nightmare, or a particularly cruel practical joke. She was prepared to forgive the latter if it could just be true. Anything to not be real.

"I told him it was a shit idea," said Leah. "Especially jumping at the last minute like that. I could have strangled him." Her voice suddenly softened. "But I can't say I didn't understand his reasons."

"Really? Because I thought they were pretty fucking stupid," she snapped.

Leah chuckled. It was nice to be around someone who was so unphased by her bad impulses. Her amusement almost felt like a sign that Bella had finally earned her approval, a milestone she didn't realize she'd wanted in the first place.

"They are!" she continued. "I'm sick of men deciding they know what's best for me. Jake is the only guy I've ever met that cared about what I wanted. I thought he would at least talk to me about something this huge. I told him I didn't care about what anyone else thought. We could have figured things out if he would just try, but no. He just left, and I barely got to say goodbye." A lump rose in her throat again, trying with all its might to push her over the edge, but she fought it back.

"I know you would've followed him anywhere, even if it was off a cliff. I think he knew that too." Leah swallowed,and her words started coming out less nimbly with each syllable. "You don't care now, but what you don't realize is that there's no turning back. What if you woke up one day and realized that you didn't like what you chose and what you had to give up to get it?"

She had no response to this, no great counter-argument to Leah's reflections, only a sympathetic aching in her chest. She didn't come here expecting to feel better, but she didn't expect to get worse, either. There was no winning in this, and there was no way to climb out of this pit feeling whole again. She shook her head solemnly.

"I guess it doesn't matter anymore. Jake made his choice. He might have loved me, but he decided it wasn't enough, and there's nothing I can do about that. I just can't go on wondering if he's alright or if he'll even come home. No matter what, I need to know that he's alive."

A peculiar thing happened: Leah's semi-permanent scowl faded into a sad smile, a brief moment of commiseration before she turned on her heels and walked to the desk. She grabbed a pencil, tore off a piece from an old grocery bag, and quickly scribbled a few lines before presenting it to Bella. It was mostly numbers and abbreviations that she didn't recognize, but there were two words she recognized.

_Tucson, Arizona_

"They shipped him there for basic training. After that, the mail goes wherever he is."

Completely overcome with relief, Bella threw her arms around her and hugged her tightly. Leah stiffened and was nearly knocked over by her sudden outpouring of gratitude. She was probably being overly familiar, especially with someone who, until very recently, objected to her very presence, but one spoonful of hope was now filling her up too completely to give a rat's ass.

"Thank you so, so much, Leah," she choked out through the only happy tears she'd ever had. "Thank you."

She raced home, making straight for her bedroom without missing a step, much to Charlie's bewilderment.

"Paper...paper…" she whispered to herself.

She rifled through the moving box currently holding the contents of her desk until her fingertips found her notepad and her favorite pen. Staring down at the blank page in front of her, she didn't know where to begin. What do you say to a boy who broke your heart and who you'll never see again? Emily Post didn't cover this. Well, there was only one way to start:

 

 

_Dear Jacob,_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a little longer than I usually update. January was completely crazy for me, and I started noodling around with another concept for a lighter J&B story that I might start on once we get closer to the end of My Guy.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading, and please continue leaving your thoughts in the reviews.


	18. I Can't Help Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Need" and "want" are two very different things, but maybe she doesn't have to choose.

_Sugar Pie Honey Bunch_   
_I'm weaker than a man should be_   
_I can't help myself_   
_I'm a fool in love 'ya see_   
_Wanna tell you I don't love you,_   
_Tell you that we're through_   
_And I try..._

_But ev'ry time I see your face,_   
_I get all choked up inside_   
_When I call your name,_   
_Boy, it starts to flame_   
_Burning in my heart,_   
_Tearing it all apart._   
_No matter how I try_   
_My love I cannot hide..._

**_I Can't Help Myself -_ ** _Four Tops_

* * *

The second worst part about the place was definitely the food, and he couldn't imagine it would improve much once they left. He realized that Rachel had completely spoiled him and his father for years, and he could easily eat twice as much as they were giving him, especially given how strenuous training was. If he was feeling wiped out by this, then he couldn't imagine how bad the wimpy kids had it. But the unexpected homesickness was definitely the worst part of all.

_You spent your whole life bitching about the rez and tribe, made a big stink about getting the hell out, and now you're homesick? Right out of the gate? Pathetic._

Rachel commenced smacking him with a wooden spoon when he told her, first screeching about what an idiot he was, and then melting into a pile of tears and snot. Except for Billy, that sentiment seemed to be unanimous. His father was aware that Jacob was considering it for some time, and though he was hardly thrilled with the idea, he seemed supportive, in his own way.

" _I'm proud of you, boy. You're doing a good thing. There's likely going to be a draft soon. Even Harry thought so. Better you go as a free man than get dragged in by the collar. Course, your uncle and I were older when we signed up, though."_

" _I'm ready as I'll ever be. There's no use waiting around." Billy frowned._

" _Just promise me you won't do anything stupid, you hear? No heroics. And look after your cousin. Now, I know you've got your own ideas about what you're signing up for, but believe me when I tell you that it's not gonna be anything like what you imagined."_

The old man was annoyingly right, as usual. He wasn't too keen on taking orders, or at least not from a total stranger, which was admittedly a major oversight. He'd get used to it eventually. And the cold showers. And the total lack of privacy. Hopefully one would help alleviate the other, but these early results were not promising. His tiny bed in that shoebox of a bedroom was looking pretty good right about now.

"Mail!" barked the postal clerk, interrupting the tiny sliver of free time they had before dinner. "Anderson, Andrews, Baker, Bennett, Black-"

Jacob jumped at the sound of his name, hitting his head on the bunk. Getting assigned the bottom bed had to be some kind of prank.

"You've got two."

He nodded before strolling back to his bed, looking curiously at the letters in his hand. Predictably, Rachel had written him on behalf of the family, probably a novel-length list of questions and well-intentioned demands. He flipped over the second envelope for the return address:

_Bella Swan_

_503 Deerfield Lane_

_Forks, Washington_

He blinked, rereading it over and over again to make sure there wasn't anything wrong with his eyesight, and dropped heavily onto the mattress. He debated whether or not to open it, as he had promised himself he wasn't going to think about her anymore, or talk about her, or fantasize about her. It wasn't going well.

"Oh, what the hell," he muttered, tearing it open.

 

_Dear Jacob,_

_It's really hard to believe you aren't here. I keep expecting to see you when I'm driving through town or the mountains. I don't think it's sunk in yet. Maybe it won't. I went to the reservation today, in case you were wondering how I found you. It's too quiet there now, eerie even. I think it misses you too._

_I'm heading back to school in a few days. All of my things are packed up in boxes, and I'd forgotten how much of a pain in the ass it is. Every surface has something on it, so I've got to write this on the floor, which makes this a literal pain in the ass, too. Dad's working late again, so Aretha is keeping me company. It feels so empty here without you._

_I know you told me goodbye, and I understand that you aren't coming back to Washington, but that doesn't mean we can't be friends, if you'll let me. I miss you, and I want to know that you're alright. I might even forgive you for running off like that._

_Be careful, and say hello to Jared for me._

_Bella_

 

"Shit," he whispered, his head landing on the pillow.

It was going to happen all over again, wasn't it? A familiar mixture of longing and guilt pumped through his veins. He thought he was going to leave her alone so she could go live her life, but she was stubbornly refusing to play ball. The increasing absurdity of his situation made him chuckle to himself. If she were there, she would probably punch him again, pink and pouty, going into extensive detail about how big of an ass he was, and then he'd have no choice but to lift her up and end the rampage with a firm kiss on the lips. How intoxicating it would be to breathe her air again, his fingers entangled in her hair, her little fingernails scraping across his chest and sending a shiver down his spine. One more taste of the delicious little bit of flesh just behind her ear.

He groaned, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to drag himself back to reality.

_What the fuck do I do?_

"What's the matter with you?"

Fred, a tall, lanky kid barely older than Jacob, was leaning against the bed railing, watching him with a quizzical brow.

"It's nothing."

"Rachel crawling up your ass, Jake?" asked Jared, perching on the opposite bed with his own mail.

"No," he grunted, shoving the letter under his pillow.

"Oooh, it's Bella, isn't it?"

"Who's that, his girlfriend?"

"No." He hoped his tone would end the questioning, but without success.

"Yes," said Jared. "Man, I told you she wasn't going to go along with it."

Jake sighed heavily at the unwelcome commentary. His cousin was against the idea from the get-go. It was easy for him to say: everyone liked Kim. He already promised her they'd get married once he came home. But for Jake, as much as it hurt, it felt like the right thing to do.

"Did he knock her up or something?"

"No. He tried to be all noble or something and dump her before he left for her own good. I bet she  _hated_  that," said Jared with a chuckle.

"You guys are talking about me like I'm not here."

"Sounds loony to me, man." Fred tore open an envelope and wandered off, nearly tripping over a chair on his way.

"Thanks for that," Jacob said darkly once he was out of earshot.

"I told you. What'd she say?"

"She asked to be friends." He was already weary of this. Barely five minutes to digest it before yet another person chimed in on his love life.

"Wow, she's taking it better than I thought."

"Believe, if she could reach through the page and smack me herself, she would."

"She's a feisty one." He paused, finally serious again, and studied Jacob's face. "So, what're you gonna do?"

"I don't know. I want to say yes. I miss seeing her and talking to her, but if I do, I'm done for."

"You're already done for, so what does it matter?"

What did it matter, anyways? There wasn't anyone else for him but her. Instead of lying to himself and trying to pretend he didn't need her as badly as he did, there could still be a small part of her that belonged to him.

"Yeah, I guess it doesn't."

* * *

It wasn't until it was too late that Bella discovered she might have bitten off more than she could chew. She stumbled out of her seat and gathered up a growing stack of books as thick as doorstops, trying not to slip and roll her ankle on the obscured steps in front of her.

_Five classes? What was I thinking?_

Graduating early was a lot more tantalizing in the abstract. Her time management skills had slipped a notch since she first started college, back when she was overloading herself with classes purely for the love of the game, before she had anything else to do with her free time. There came the occasional pang of worry that she wasn't doing college "right," whatever that meant. Perhaps she should do things with her friends more often, go to parties and formals and football games, instead of cloistering herself like a nun. A memory flashed before her eyes again: hooting and laughter and the crackling of roman candles, the wind in her hair as they careened down the highway with nothing but the moon to light the way. She sighed and shook her head before shoving open the front door to the English building and stepping blindly out onto the walkway in front of her.

Smack.

Everything in her arms hit the brick upon colliding with some innocent passerby. If it weren't for the cool hand delicately gripping her elbow, she would have gone down with them.

"Careful!"

A quick glance revealed that usual charming smile, although somewhat diminished.

"E-edward," she stammered as her eyes adjusted to the sunlight. He dutifully dropped her arm once she was stabilized. She could feel herself turning pink, half out of embarrassment from her moment of grace, and half because it was the first time their eyes had met since before Rose's engagement. He crouched down and began collecting her books, and she followed him onto her knee.

"Oh gosh, I'm sorry. You don't have to do that-"

"It's quite alright," he replied, examining the spine of one of the lesser volumes. "Your books, on the other hand, might not last the semester at this rate."

He stood, lifting the neat stack he assembled, and offered it back to her. She managed a grateful smile.

"I was always hard on books," she said. She tucked a lock of hair behind her ears, fighting the impulse to hide behind it. "That's why I buy hardcovers when I can." He nodded.

"Good idea."

With the books collected and Bella righted, there wasn't much else to do but tolerate the palpable tension. She fumbled with her load, occasionally looking up at him in the hopes that he would say something. Finally, he cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry; I don't mean to keep you. It seems like you have a lot on your plate. I'll get going."

"It's alright," she squeaked. "I'm not in a rush. I'm just taking these back to my room."

"Mind if I walk with you?" he asked, gesturing ahead.

"Uh, no, not at all."

Tentatively, one foot, then the other, and suddenly they were walking together again under the creaking oaks that lined the mossy walkways of the academic campus. She wondered if it looked as strange as it felt. Still, despite the awkwardness, there was something about it that felt right.

His hands were in his pockets. She was used to watching him glide around campus with that debonaire smile that he gave like a gift to everyone, though somehow without the arrogance that usually accompanied such a personality. A blonde girl waved to him as she passed, but he didn't seem to notice.

_Since when is Edward the shy one?_

"Looks like you've got a full schedule this semester," he said. She nodded.

"I'm taking five this time around. I have twice as much reading to do now, especially since I'm not taking any more science courses. It's a lot, but I like my classes."

"I seem to remember you didn't care much for the frog dissection," he chuckled.

"Definitely not, but it was the cat that finally broke me. I'm not sure that was really necessary to understand the vertebrates chapters. At least he wasn't black."

"True. Though, I don't think Salem would have held it against you even if it was."

_He remembers?_

"What about you?"

"Me? Oh, the usual. Statistics is occupying most of my time. I'll have the senior finance course in the spring, and the rest is business electives. Nothing too exciting."

Running his fingers through his hair, he strolled along at the pace her shorter legs allowed. Were people looking at them? She was certain the breakup was old news by now, so this must have been a bit confusing, especially to his swarm of fangirls.

"I admire how hard you're working," he continued, to her surprise. "That's quite a workload. I might have graduated early if I was that motivated."

"You had a lot on your plate, too. I know the crew team was important to you."

"Crew was important to my father," Edward replied in a faintly disgruntled tone. "He was captain of his team for two years when he was at U-Penn. I don't regret joining, mind you. I enjoyed it, and I made some great friends on the team, but I do regret the time it took away from the things that were truly important to me." He sighed. "That's why I decided that last season would be my final one."

She came to a halt.

"Really?" He stopped, looking back at her with solemn eyes. He nodded.

"Wow, what did your dad say?"

"He wasn't pleased," he said with consideration. "But I didn't expect he would be, so I don't particularly care. I'll be done with school soon enough, and then he won't have a say in any part of my life. Not that he won't try," he added.

"He'll come around. I bet the wedding will help keep him occupied." He snorted.

"That's one way to put it. Speaking of which, they finally set a date. October 6th." She cocked her head.

"So soon? That's such a huge undertaking." He rolled his eyes.

"Mother booked the hall and made half the arrangements back in June. Which…" He reached into the breast pocket of his jacket and pulled out a lilac envelope. "Rosalie asked me to give you this."

Bella tugged carefully at the flap, and pulled out a little card. It was richly decorated, a lacy archway of pink and lilac roses embossed above a serpentine script so perfect and elegant that it was nearly impossible to read.

_Dr. and Mrs. Carlisle Cullen_

_Request the honor of your presence_

_At the marriage of their daughter,_

_Rosalie Lillian Cullen,_

_To_

_Mr. Emmett Joseph McCarty_

_Saturday, October 26th_

_At St. Sebastian's Episcopal Church,_

_Port Angeles, Washington_

_Reception to follow at_

_The Winston Hotel_

_Kindly R.S.V.P. at your earliest convenience._

 

She gaped at the invitation in her hand, trying to work out how and why she was reading it in the first place, before giving up and looking to Edward for answers.

"She invited me to her wedding?" He nodded.

"You were already invited, though since that was...before, I understand why you might be confused."

"And she still wants me to come?" It was increasingly difficult not to sound totally incredulous.

"I know it sounds odd, but I think she likes you, in her very…  _Rosalie_  way."

"Wow," breathed Bella, staring down at the frilly two-dollar cardstock. Maybe she should feel more honored than dumbfounded. Whatever had somehow endeared her to Rosalie was a complete mystery, especially given what had come to pass. Regardless, she would take whatever good will was offered to her.

"You don't need to answer right away. I know it's a little out of the blue, and she won't be offended if you can't come. She just wanted to extend an invitation."

"Please thank her for me," she replied. "I'll let you know as soon as I can."

"I will." He glanced at his watch. "Yikes, I should be going. I have class in ten minutes. It was nice seeing you again, Bella."

"You too, Edward." With a smile and a stiff wave, he departed, leaving her to make the rest of her journey alone and wondering what the fuck just happened.

When she arrived home for the weekend later that afternoon, she found that she was to receive not one mysterious envelope that day, but two, the second bearing two words she had hoped, but not expected, to see. She pressed her lips together, her heart now fluttering like hummingbird wings, and excitedly jogged up the steps to the front porch. Charlie greeted her inside with a hug and kiss on the forehead, but his eyes soon dropped down to her hand.

"Got some mail, did ya?"

"Yeah," she said, trying to swallow the mixture of emotions that were now beginning to cloud her brain. "Something from Mom."

"Right, right," he grunted.

_Shit, I need to get these sent to the school._

"You're cooking dinner tonight, right?"

"Uh, yes. Just let me get some homework done first."

She breezed past him, climbing the stairs at breakneck speed and dropping her bag haphazardly by her bedroom door, when she finally came to rest on her bed. Now that she had it in her hands, his name staring back at her, she wasn't entirely sure if she wanted to open it. He could agree, but he might rebuff her, and then this would be the last she ever heard from Jacob Black. Holding in a deep breath, she tore it open the battered paper with shaking hands.

 

_Bells,_

_I'm glad you're getting back out of your old man's house. I know you're in a dorm with a curfew and everything, but promise you'll sneak out a few times at least. You've got to get into enough trouble for the both of us now. I guess you should actually study and get good grades, but you're such a giant nerd that I don't think I need to worry about it._

_As much as I miss it, I'm having trouble feeling much sympathy for your ass. I thought I was in pretty good shape before I left, but I was sore for weeks after training started. I haven't run this much since I was a kid. I don't mind that stuff, really. It's the assholes yelling everything at you all damn day that grinds my gears. They make Leah look like Donna Reed._

_I don't know that it's sunk in for me, either. I keep waking up expecting to be back home, listening to my sister yapping at Dad about his medicine before I go to work, like I'm at one of those fancy summer camps for rich kids, except not fun and I don't get to go home in two weeks. Don't tell anyone I said this, but I miss Washington already. I know I carped about it a lot, but it's still home. Everyone I care about is there._

_And of course I'll be your friend. I'd tell you that I'm going to be fine, but I know you wouldn't listen, so I guess I'm going to have to keep telling you on the regular until I'm on the plane home. It's a big sacrifice, you know, but I think your forgiveness is a pretty good tradeoff._

_I miss you too, Bells. I'm sorry._

_\- Jake_

_P.s. Jared said to tell you that I'm a dumbass and he doesn't know why you put up with me. I told him you already knew all that._

 

"Giddy" was the word for it, followed by the soreness in her heart that she'd only just recently calmed into a dull ache as she fixated on just two lines.

_I miss you too, Bells. I'm sorry._

A forbidden tear clawed its way to the surface. The mix of pain and joy was dizzying. He left her right as she was teetering on the edge of something she hadn't felt before, something exciting, terrifying, amazing, overwhelming, and maybe a little nauseating. But now she had to move on, no matter how much she wished that summer would never end. She shouldn't let herself go there again, but now he would at least allow her to keep that little ember aglow.

She knelt down to stash the letter in the pocket of her bag, and discovered that she had put Rosalie's invitation there as well. With one in each hand, she pondered the whirlwind that was this day. Maybe things would work out. Maybe she wouldn't lose two of the most important men in her life, but gain two friends. Maybe everything would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like this could be the start of something, but what? Things are beginning to heat up again for everybody, and not always in the way they hope.
> 
> Sorry, I know my pace has slowed down a bit. There's some big stuff not far on the horizon, and I want to make sure we get there the right way. I have also started working on a shorter J&B story set in the present, under the working title The Pact, which I will hopefully begin posting sometime in April.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and please keep leaving your thoughts in the comments!


	19. Maybe I Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A much-needed break takes a turn

_Deep down inside he loves me_   
_Though he may run around_   
_Deep down inside he loves me_   
_Some day he'll settle down_

_Oh maybe I know that he's been a cheatin'_   
_Maybe I know that he's been untrue_   
_But what can I do_

_He really loves me that's all I can say_   
_Before my tears fall I just walk away_

**_Maybe I Know -_ ** _Leslie Gore_

* * *

This was all becoming a bit too much. As the rigor of classes began to ramp up, she could feel her nerves beginning to fray at the ends, and according to Alice, it wasn't making her especially easy to live with. But it wasn't just the academic pressure that was building on her shoulders; ill but inevitable news had finally reached her from Arizona.

_Bella,_

_Tonight's our last night at the base. They told us where they're sending us a couple of days ago, but I'm not allowed to tell you where, besides the obvious. I've never been on a plane before. Some of the guys are excited about that, even though I told them we aren't getting stewardesses and hot dinner like this is fucking Pan Am or something. I guess I'm a little excited, too. I haven't really been able to sleep._

_I can't believe you're taking five classes. Isn't three or four the normal amount? Good thing you decided against calculus or chemistry or something like that. When the hell are you gonna use any of that? I know I won't._

_I know you don't really know that chick, but you should go to the wedding so you can drink all their booze and report back on all the funny rich people shit. I've only been to tribal weddings, so everything I know about the other kind comes from movies. They look kind of stuffy, if you ask me. Rebecca just went to the courthouse since they needed it done quick before they got sent to Hawaii, and the old man has been pissed about it ever since._

_To answer your question, better, or at least a little better. I think I've gotten used to some things, and the guys here are alright, but it's never going to come close to what I miss the most._

_Promise me you won't sit in your room all night. I worked really hard to corrupt you and I'll be mad if it goes to waste._

_\- Jacob_

 

She sighed and folded up the letter, stuffing it back into the envelope and putting it in the back of her desk with the others. She wanted to write back, but she was having difficulty putting anything into words. Of course he wasn't going to stay stateside forever. However, the thought of him leaving for real made her queasy. Basic training practically naptime at kindergarten compared to what lay ahead, and it was the one and only time she could know for certain that he was out of danger.

Alice skipped into their room, making her jump at the sudden intrusion. She tossed her books onto the bed and headed straight to the vanity table, where she immediately began primping. She cast a somewhat disapproving look to her roommate in the mirror.

"Tell me you're going out tonight, Bella."

"I wasn't planning to. Why?" This elicited a heavy sigh from Alice, who rolled her eyes.

"Tonight is bowling with Jessica and the girls from upstairs, remember? Or are you passing on that too?"

"I've been busy with school, Alice. You know that."

"Too busy, if you ask me," she replied, casting a toxic plume of Aquanet around her head. "When was the last time you had a date?"

That was a great question. A greater question was what constituted a date, and if it's still a date if you don't know you're on one.

"I don't remember. A while, I guess."

"It's not healthy," she stated matter-of-factly. "Just because things didn't work out with Edward doesn't mean you should swear off men forever. Prince Charming could be out there right now, and you'd never meet him because you were in the library, for some reason."

The idea of going on a date with some guy was nauseating. Until now, the thought hadn't even occurred to her, and the overall ritual of dating made it all the more unappealing.

"Rapunzel was locked in a tower, and a prince still managed to track her down."

"Honestly, Bella." Exasperated, she spun in her seat and gave Bella a withering look that made her feel like an ant under a magnifying glass. "Tell me the truth: Are you still in love with Edward?"

It was a question she had actively avoided for a long time. She was, sort of, but it felt fundamentally at odds with Jacob. Could you truly love more than one person at once? Her efforts to smother her feelings for Jake were further complicating matters and, though she was not willing to admit it, failing.

"Not exactly," she replied.

"Is it someone else, then?"

_Drop it. Please please drop it._

"Not….exactly."

"You're impossible!" huffed Alice. "Just come out with us, will you?"

"I can't. I have an essay I need to finish that's due on Tuesday and I'm so far behind." It was too easy to watch the little meaningless lies stack up and spill over, like balls of paper in the wastebasket.

"Suit yourself."

But Alice's departure didn't end the internal discussion, her thoughts swirling around and around, never getting clearer or any closer to an answer. Laying on her bed, she looked for patterns in the cracked plaster ceiling and wondered why she was torturing herself with such silly, irrelevant questions, but she knew. The space on the other side of her bed was transforming into a wide expanse, a cold and empty vacuum that threatened to swallow her whole. More than once she woke from nightmares of fire and screaming, barely able to catch her breath as she came crashing back to the waking world. If only he were here, holding her tight to his chest and bathing her in his almost unnatural warmth, hiding from the rest of the world, then maybe they could both be safe.

_No. You know the answer. You know the reality. He's not yours, and he never will be._

It was unbearable. All of it. It was time to escape before the silence of these four walls drove her off the deep end. Kicking the shoes back onto her feet, she snatched up her keys and resolved to get the hell out.

The place was small, dark, and shabby. Patches of the floor were sticky, for some reason, and a haze of smoke hovered just below the ceiling, like rain clouds above the bar. It wasn't unexpected. Somehow, it wasn't even disagreeable. It was perfect, a little bar on the edge of town away from prying eyes, or at least those of anyone she wished to avoid. It was still early, with only a few patrons conversing in hushed tones. She settled herself at a table in the back with a glass of something strong while she waited for a singer or a guitarist to fill the vacant square of floor along the wall. Music used to bring her back to earth. It was worth a shot.

"Isabella Swan," said a cool, smoky voice behind her. She turned to find a luxurious blonde towering over her in a sleek blue dress. Her pout was painted with her usual fire-engine red lipstick, but her off-hours glower was missing. "What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"

"I suppose I could ask you the same thing," Bella replied before taking another sip of gin. This seemed to amuse her. Her mouth cracked into a faint smirk, a low chuckle rumbling in her chest.

"Mother's garden club friends have taken over the living room for the evening, and they'd no doubt try to reel me in and interrogate me about the wedding planning for the hundredth time. I'd rather jump off a bridge than stay there another minute."

"Do you want to sit?"

"Thank you," she said with a nod. "And what about you? This doesn't seem like your kind of haunt."

"I needed to get out for a while, somewhere I wouldn't bump into anyone from school."

"Ah. Well, you came to the right place. The drinks are weak, but they get some very talented musicians." She waved down the waitress and murmured her order into the girl's ear. "So, has my brother spoken to you about the wedding yet?" Bella nodded.

"I should have RSVP'ed by now, but I haven't seen him since."

"He's trying to be respectful, I think," she mused. "You know him. He wouldn't assert himself somewhere he wasn't wanted."

"He's not unwanted. In fact, I'd like to be friends with him again, if I could."

She gave a tiny laugh that tinkled like bells, picking up her drink as it landed at the table.

"Is that so? My, we're forgiving," she said dryly. Bella's forehead crinkled.

"Shouldn't I be?"

"I suppose we all 'should' be, though I've found that people seldom deserve it. No, my concern is that you may decide to reel Edward back in, now that your other…." She paused, searching for the words. "...gentleman caller… is out of the picture."

Bella blinked. Her total lack of a poker face was about to fail her yet again, and she didn't know if this kind of knowledge would be used for good or evil in Rose's hands. She quickly realized that there was no winning this game.

"Oh, don't worry," Rose said teasingly. "I won't spoil your little secret. I just find it funny how easily you had them all fooled. You can't hide that kind of thing from me, sweetheart. I practically invented it."

She flushed under the heat of Rose's spotlight. The clandestine nature of her relationship with Jacob was a source of anxiety for both the present and the future, back where there was the possibility of a future. Now, it felt more like privacy, the right to grieve and steady herself without judgement.

"Where is he, if I may ask?" An empty gesture of politeness to soften a blunt inquiry. How appropriate.

"He enlisted," she answered quietly, staring blankly over patron's heads and taking a long gulp from her glass. But there was no catty reply, no bemused commentary on Bella's naivete. Instead, something softened around her eyes, taking the chill off her perfect features.

"I'm sorry." As bizarre as it was, Rosalie's condolences brought some small comfort. It was affirming in a way that few things had been since he left, and perhaps even more bizarrely, she felt less alone.

Pensive, she allowed the growing hum of other conversations fill the void, all the while carefully observing Bella from her seat beside her.

"I've learned there are few things worse than wanting someone you can't have."

A memory crept back to the forefront of her mind, prodding her guilty conscience, and Rosalie seemed to take note.

"What?"

"Nothing," she said, shaking her head. "It's nothing."

"It must be something. Come on, spit it out."

Eyes locked, she felt caught in the crosshairs once again.

_You can't say something like this about her fiance without causing a giant mess for everyone. Stupid stupid stupid._

"Emmett...he's been running around on you."

Rose sighed heavily and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, her jaw was wound taut. Bella braced herself for the fallout.

"Goddamnit, I told him to be more careful," she muttered irritably, massaging the bridge of her nose. "But there's no getting through that thick skull of his, is there? Men's stupidity never ceases to amaze me." She finished her drink and snapped for the waitress again. She felt her eyes widen like saucers, gawking at the blonde.

"You mean, you knew he's...you know…?"

"Of course I know," she huffed. "Emmett and I grew up together. We were practically family long before we started going steady. His mother doesn't know that man like I do."

"Then why would you marry him? You could be with someone else who loves you."

Another round appeared at the table, including another one for Bella. She sipped and waited.

"Our situations are cruelly alike, his and mine." She took a large gulp. "That's the irony, isn't it? The one thing that would keep us apart is what has us stuck together."

So she was right. It was such a serious thing to even suggest that she had been eager to explain it away, but there was no escaping the truth. She had some lingering reservations, but they began to melt away as she looked at this woman with clear eyes for the first time. It was hopelessness that froze her in that sullen state, not some great defect of her personality, and that keen sense of despair suddenly became their kinship.

"I do love Emmett, even if it's not how I should." Her low voice was becoming increasingly unmoored. "I know he looks like a big dumb brute, and he certainly can be sometimes, but he has a good heart. He and Vicky mean more to me than anything in the world. So if I was going to be with a man, then it could never be anyone but him."

The glass was almost nothing but ice and a sliver of lime now. She pressed her lips together, staring emptily into it.

"I know I don't look like the right kind of girl, but it's always been my dream to have a family. I wanted to get married. I wanted to have pretty babies and a pretty house with a husband who would kiss me when he came home from work, but then I got older, and I watched that dream slowly slip away. Maybe it's all a lie, but this is the closest I'll ever get to the life I want. I can help keep that big idiot safe, and that's worth it all on its own."

Rosalie swirled the remnants of ice around and downed the last of it.

"But what about Victoria?" she asked softly. The corners of her red mouth twisted into a melancholy smile.

"She has her life, and I have mine. I'll see her when she's in town, and perhaps I'll visit her in California here and there, but there are no promises. She'll have to get married someday, and I'll try to accept it as gracefully as she has, and that'll be the end of it."

"I'm sorry, Rosalie. I really am." She shook her head.

"Don't be. Emmett truly is a wonderful man, and we'll take good care of each other. This is the best I could have hoped for."

"Congratulations, then."

After touching up her lipstick with a quick swipe and a pop of her lips, she stood, tall and regal, and reached into her purse to drop a handful of coins on the table.

"I do hope you'll come. My parent's friends are dreadful, but there's an open bar and the caterer is fantastic. I'm sure Edward would be glad to see you as well."

Bella bit her lip, unmoved by the prospect of free food. Despite her reassurances, the idea of watching her walk down the aisle with a man who couldn't love her properly was heartbreaking in a way she couldn't quite articulate. It was almost grotesque, but Rose's casual insistence now felt more like a plea.

"I'll be there."

"Good," she replied. "I'll see you then." The light from the dingy bulb made the gem on her finger shimmer like stars. She turned to leave.

"Wait," said Bella. "Do you...like me?"

"I think so," the blonde replied after some consideration. "I like you the most of any girl Edward ever dated, that's for certain. I initially wrote you off as another one of his mommy-approved choices, but you aren't what I expected. You're smarter than you look, but you wouldn't stoop to judgment and manipulation and you don't swallow bullshit. I respect that. So yes, I believe I do."

What a strange feeling it was to be liked by Rosalie Cullen. A once dubious honor, now less so. Rose paused, her lips pursed.

"If I may give you a piece of advice: Look for happiness where it can grow, not where you wish it was. If you sit around hoping and praying for impossible things, you'll never find it. Oh, and the dress code is black tie."

She turned heel and left without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, canapés soak up the champagne, and champagne soaks up the tension. Maybe a waltz is all that's needed to clear the air.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! Please favorite and leave your thoughts in the reviews!


	20. Walk On By

 

 

_I just can't get over losing you_  
_And so if I seem broken and blue_  
_Walk on by, walk on by_

_Foolish pride_  
_Is all that I have left_  
_So let me hide_  
_The tears and the sadness you gave me_  
_When you said goodbye_  
_Walk on by, walk on by_

_**Walk On By -**  Dionne Warwick_

* * *

_Bells,_

_Sorry it's been a while. We've been moving every day since we got here, so I haven't had much time to write. I also had to switch to pencil since the humidity was starting to blur the ink._

_I take back what I said about Florida. They've got beaches over here too, but they also have mosquitoes. It's about a thousand degrees, you're up to your ass in standing water filled with snakes and leeches and God only knows what else, and I don't know if they have alligators, but I'm not excited to find out._   _I know I'm comparing apples to oranges (that's what they've got down there, right? Oranges?), but I'm crossing Florida off my list of places to move to. Jared says there's tigers here. It's got some of the guys more spooked than the damn Viet Cong. Good thing I can outrun all of them._

_Leah sent me a letter, if you can believe it. Some of it was harping on about Seth's new girlfriend, who isn't good enough for him, apparently, and it's making him goof off instead of looking after the shop. I think she's getting soft in her old age, and I told her as much. She says the pack is doing alright, and they're checking up on Dad and Rachel. I had some cash saved up just in case something happened while I was gone, but I've got backup, so that's one less thing to worry about._

_And who's looking out for you? I know you don't really need it. I know you don't want it either, but tough shit. I want to know that you're doing alright without also being under daddy's thumb, or someone else's. I told myself I wasn't going to worry about you so much, but it's impossible. You're meant for much better than that._

_I've been thinking about you a lot. This morning, I was thinking a lot about the night we first met. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we met at another time, maybe somewhere else. I wonder if things could have been different. I wonder if I made the right decision. I'm not so sure that I did._

_-Jake_

She tossed the letter onto her quilt. That wound had only recently scabbed over, and now it was open again, making her heart throb pitifully inside her chest. Part of her thought that she should feel happy, vindicated almost. She had word from the horse's mouth: Not only did he regret leaving, but some part of him was still imagining a life with her. Yet, validation of her foolish desires was not as welcome as she might have expected, and in fact only served to twist the knife. There was no denying those feelings anymore, no more dismissing them as a messy crush or purely concern for the welfare of a friend. Once the realization hit, that unnamed pain felt like a slap in the face, and swiftly turned to anger.

What could have possessed him to say that? Why in the world would he bait her further, making her entertain the possibility that he still wanted her? Her lower lip trembled, and suddenly scalding tears began to run down her cheeks. An icy wind cut through the wind from the open window. She stomped over and contemptuously slammed it shut. Staring out into the yard, she watched the trees shiver off the last of their leaves before the cold season began in earnest. The one by her bedroom window was the first to shed them all, leaving a soft orange and brown carpet on the ground below. With a sharp inhale and a flick of her finger, she latched the new lock shut.

Dinner with Charlie was quiet. It didn't take much convincing for him to agree to watching television while they ate, something he was accustomed to doing in her absence, and she was content to sit there with him until the broadcast ended for the night. Another episode of  _The Beverly Hillbillies_  later, she left to tend to the arduous task of putting the kitchen back together. The low gurgling of the tv set was audible from the kitchen, carrying with it the odd commercial jingle that was almost soothing in its mindlessness. Without warning, it was replaced by an unmistakable noise, one that sent the plate in her hand back into the sink with a loud clatter. She rushed back to the living room to find her father watching the news.

Gunfire. Constant, rattling gunfire over the anchor's droning narration. Images of dozens of young men trudging through jungle, helicopters, dirty children crying in their mother's arms, all flashing across the screen faster than she could comprehend them. She didn't hear a word that Cronkite said, only guns and grenades and the triumphant musical score that turned her stomach. It was the sight of a Buddhist monk sitting peacefully in the road as he set himself ablaze that finally spurred Charlie to turn it off.

"Bella?" He rose, his face etched with concern. "Kiddo, you're white as a sheet...Gosh, I'm sorry. I should have switched it off sooner. You shouldn't have to see that."

_Why should anyone?_

"You okay?" She pressed her lips together and nodded.

"I'm going to go study for a little bit."

Instead, she settled onto her bed with a tiny stack of paper on a book in her lap. She gnawed at the pencil. The words were coming out all wrong, never more than two sentences before they were erased and replaced by two more. It finally rubbed through the paper, and she tossed the crumpled failure onto the floor, tired and frustrated and only vaguely aware that she was in no condition to pen anything. That didn't stop her.

_Jake,_

_I've got bad news: I looked it up in the library, and they definitely have crocodiles. It says they're nocturnal, so just keep away from the water at night if you can help it. Then again, so are tigers, and they can swim AND climb, so maybe you should just call the whole thing off._

_You were half-right. I don't need someone else to take care of me. I used to, back before I had a spine, when I just believed the things everyone told me. I've since discovered that there is a huge difference between needing and wanting. I can make my own way, and I'm going to, but that doesn't mean I want to do it alone. I don't have everything figured out yet, but that much I know for sure._

_I understand some of the reasons you left. You did what you needed to do to get out of Washington and go after what you want. I understand your other reasons too, but I still think you were wrong, and what makes it worse is that you never let me decide for myself, or even asked. You just left. I wouldn't have kept you from enlisting if it was what you wanted, but I would have stayed. I would have figured out what to do. I didn't get the chance to try._

_I loved you too, Jacob. You said you wondered how things could have been different. Maybe if you had stuck around long enough, you could've found out._

_-Bella_

Her sleep that night was blissfully dreamless, a strange respite from the nightmares that plagued her for weeks. It was the closest to Alice's fabled "beauty sleep" that she'd gotten in ages. She woke late the next morning hoping that it had worked its magic. Alice said that half of feeling good is looking good, and she hoped that she could conceal everything well enough to face the day and be happy for Rosalie.

The "looking good" part did not come naturally to her. After staring hopelessly at her hair for far too long, she elected to put it up into the neatest approximation of a bun that she could muster. That looked alright, didn't it? She coughed and gagged as she tried to spray it all down into submission. A handful of products sat on the bathroom counter in front of her, some borrowed, some relics of her time spent with Edward. Powder, blush, mascara, lipstick; it all seemed like a lot, but she was somewhat pleased with the overall effect. The dress she borrowed from Jessica was spread out on her quilt. It was a much more form-fitting thing than she was used to, with a skirt that clung to her hips and thighs, making her feel as if she was being swaddled in green satin. Seeing it in the mirror now, she couldn't argue with results.

But there was that envelope, stamped and sealed, sitting on her desk and waiting to be dropped into the mailbox. To send it, or not? What was the point in telling him, other than make things even harder for herself?

"Bella!" Charlie bellowed from the living room. "I think your friends are here!"

It was the principle of the thing. Clutching the letter in her bony fingers, she cautiously made her way down the stairs, aware that her range of motion was more limited than usual, and was about to get even worse.

Alice and Jasper were waiting for her in the foyer and looking like a million bucks. Her pale pink sweetheart gown made her look like a ballerina, though she wondered how she was going to fit in one seat with all that tulle. She paused her rapid-fire conversation with Charlie to squeal at Bella's arrival.

"Oh, Bella! You look wonderful! I knew that dress would compliment you."

"Are you sure?" she asked, nervously scanning the skirt.

"Of course. I'm always right about this kind of thing. It's perfect." She glanced at the hall clock "Rats, we need to hop to it or we're going to be late. It was wonderful to see you again, Chief Swan."

He snapped back to attention, shifting from the expression of a father struggling to reconcile pride in his daughter's appearance with her undeniable adulthood to that of a man who had no idea how to interact with any other woman.

"Uh, yes. You too," he replied stiffly. "Just be careful. That's a long drive to make at night."

"We will!" She practically dragged Bella out by the wrist and into Jasper's car. After a momentary halt in their journey at the public mailbox on Elm, they were off to the nuptial races.

There was hushed chatter echoing through the high vaulted ceilings of the church as guests milled around between the pews. Alice was quick to find seats with their friends. She only stayed long enough to drop off her purse before launching herself into the fray with her boyfriend in tow. He must have had the patience of a saint.

Bella began to flip idly through the program, occasionally surveying the room for anyone she recognized, but enjoying having a few moments alone. There was nothing to be nervous about. All eyes would be on the bride and the metric-ton of flowers and ribbon festooning the sanctuary, and she was happy to blend into the scenery. Mixed feelings and personal turmoil aside, tonight was about Rose.

_Just smile and look pretty. That's all that's expected. You've done it before, and you can do it again._

Though she couldn't guarantee the second mandate, she was willing to take Alice's word for it in the spirit of not overthinking things. The church certainly looked like what she expected from the Cullens; Pink, white, and lavender roses adorned every vertical surface and most of the horizontal ones as well, with blush ribbons and tulle draped along the aisle ends of the pews. One could only marvel at the lengths and expense taken to turn a nearly hundred year old building into a cotton candy fever-dream.

"I think our mother went overboard, don't you?"

Edward had materialized next to her, hands in the pockets of an immaculately pressed tuxedo, his strawberry blonde hair perfectly coiffed and his shoes at a mirror-shine, like a Brooks Brothers mannequin come to life.

"Maybe just a little bit," she replied. "But it does look beautiful. I was just wondering where the pumpkin coach was."

"Oh, that's not until the reception," he chuckled, and so did she.

"Would you like to sit?" she offered.

"Oh, no thank you. I just wanted to say hi. Things should be starting very soon and I have some Best Man duties that need attending to."

"Of course. I guess I'll see you later, then."

"I'll see you later." With that, he gave a deferential nod and departed.

After getting over the hump that was their previous meeting, their relationship seemed to be steadily improving. The melting ice came as a great relief, and she could only hope that things would continue to thaw.

Soft chords began to drift in from the organ, a polite signal to all to find a seat so they could get on with things. The men began to assemble: Edward, the priest, and the groom, who was smartly dressed in a white tuxedo with a color-coordinated bow tie, the seams of his jacket clearly straining to stay together under the pressure of his frame. The organ's meandering finally ceased, and with a deep breath from Emmett, the march began in earnest. First, a bitty little thing no older than six came barrelling down the aisle, tossing fistfuls of petals into the air to the delight of her spectators. She was proceeded by a trio of women in poofy pink satin gowns with bouquets and headpieces to match.

But there was no match for Rosalie Cullen, who arrived like an enormous wave crashing on the beach. The dress was a mass of blindingly white silk with a train several feet behind her. The straight neckline was adorned with tiny pearls, and the long sleeves disappeared into the bouquet, its long tendrils of ivy trailing nearly down to the floor. An elbow-length veil of stiff tulle hung over her face, concealing all but the cherry-red lipstick, without which none would have recognized her. Alice and the girls were overcome with 'ooh's' and envious whispers. The music began to subside, and she arrived at the altar. Bella held in her breath, watching as Carlisle offered her hand to Emmett, who lifted the veil away from her face to reveal an almost bashful woman with a schoolgirl grin. She saw neither anger nor bitterness, nor the melancholy of their impromptu meeting before. No contrivance, just a smile that spread across her cheeks. Bella finally exhaled.

"Dearly beloved…"

What a blessing it was to have such strictly-enforced limits on speeches. Though her mother's wedding to Phil was smaller than the first, it was not safe from the inebriated ramblings that often spewed from the mouths of a Best Man or newly-minted in-law. Phil's older brother, while not part of the faction within the family that disapproved of Phil marrying a divorcee, still felt the need to work in a joke about it during the toast. Given the attendees and the phenomenal expense of this wedding, there were no doubts that a very close eye was being kept on Mrs. Cullen.

"Isn't her dress absolutely stunning?" asked Alice for the third time since Rose's debut. The sheer spectacle of the ceremony had been the primary topic of conversation at their table, much to the frustration of their dates.

"Stunning," Jessica echoed. She finished her second glass of champagne with a hiccup, and then carefully rose to her feet. "I think I'm ready for another one. What about you, Angie?"

"Absolutely." Alice's face lit up

"Ooh! Me too!" She was less stable on her feet, and very nearly rolled her ankle upon standing. Luckily, Jasper was there to catch her.

"I think you've had enough, darlin'" he said. "How about we go dance a little?"

"What a wonderful idea!"

And just like that, Bella was alone at the table with Mike. Within seconds, she was cornered, sinking into the conversation like a mammoth in the tar pits and flailing helplessly as every question and offhand comment grew more probing.

"So, I haven't seen you out and about with the girls since school started."

"I've been pretty busy this semester."

"With a new man?"

"With classes," she answered flatly. An incredulous smirk spread across his face.

"Oh, really? That's an awful long amount of time to be spending all alone in the library. Sounds like you need something better to do."

It took everything she had not to groan. Instead, she sat there stiffly, hoping that he would leave if she looked bored enough.

"What time do your classes end for the day? Because I cou-"

"-Excuse me. I hate to interrupt."

Edward swiftly leaned down between them. "Bella, would you mind helping me for a moment? I'm in kind of a pickle."

"Oh, sure," she said, scrambling to her feet.

"Good to see you again, Michael." Edward gave him an unenthusiastic pat on the shoulder before leading her away and out of Newton's sight. They had barely reached the back of the ballroom before he stopped and leaned against the wall.

"What's the matter?" A low chuckle rumbled in his chest in response to her confused expression.

"Nothing. It looked like Mike had you trapped. I thought I'd help you out." Instant relief.

"Thank you," she sighed. "It could have been ages before Jessica came back."

Edward looked over her head at the accused and shook his head disapprovingly.

"Shameless. He's still trying to win you over with his girlfriend just feet away. Absolutely shameless."

"She could do a lot better," she agreed, watching the girls crack their champagne flutes together at the bar, giggling like children. "At least she probably won't remember any of it."

"I don't suspect Alice will either, by the look of things."

"She'll be alright. Jasper will keep her vertical." They watched him twirl her around, always with one hand ready to catch her should things go south. She looked so carefree, so unbothered by anything in the world, as if dancing with him was her only reason for existing. Even though Bella never cared for it much, she had developed an appreciation for the feeling of a strong pair of arms holding you steady, being poised to catch you if you fall. It was comfortable and freeing in a time where the two seemed mutually exclusive.

"Would you like to?"

"Hmmm? What?" she said, breaking out of her trance. He tipped his head towards the couple

"Would you like to dance?" She glanced anxiously around at the dancers. "I couldn't let you go in good conscience knowing Mike might find you again."

"Alright," she acquiesced with a wry smile. She took his offered hand, and he gently led her out into the middle of the floor.

One thing that she liked about formal dancing was that any competent male lead could make her look like she knew what she was doing. With his hand on her waist and her own on his shoulder, even she could manage in heels.

"You look beautiful tonight."

"Really?" she asked. "I feel a little ridiculous in this thing, but Alice insisted."

"You don't, and she was right. Not that I'm surprised," he added. "Though I am a little surprised you know how to waltz."

"You and me both. I remember it a lot better than I thought a cotillion flunkie drop-out would. Now I can tell my Dad his money didn't completely go to waste."

"Nothing spent on you could be a waste, Bella."

Her cheeks grew warm, though it could have just been that second glass of champagne. His eyes were on her again, a relaxed smile adorning his face. She looked away, over his shoulder and into the crowd as they traveled around the floor. Jess and Angela had found the table again, but she and Edward seemed to be their new entertainment. For whatever reason, she didn't care. In fact, she was rather enjoying herself. In light of everything that had transpired between them up until this point, his unfailing sincerity and kindness towards her compelled Bella to speak.

"I meant to say- Um, that is, I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry...for how everything happened."

"No, I'm sorry," he said, his voice low enough only for her to hear. "I didn't listen. My head was too far up my own ass."

"Edward!" she giggled in surprise. His tone turned more serious.

"I mean it."

_I know you do._

Still, it was nice to hear. With no elephant hogging all the space, things were looking up. The concept of an "amicable ex" appeared to be less of a myth and more like a possible reality. Truthfully, it was Edward who was the amicable one. The harsh thoughts, the cold words, and the envelope-pushing that characterized her summer still lingered on her conscience. She felt queasy just thinking about it.

"I know I have a lousy track record," he continued. "But I will listen, if you ever need it. I wasn't there when I should have been. I'd like to fix that."

"Thank you, Edward," she murmured.

Quietly, comfortably, they floated, letting the strings of a slow ballad fade as the band wrapped up their set. She could only imagine what a confusing sight this must have been for everyone they knew. There wasn't much time to consider it before his head craned around to find the source of a loud, squeaky laughter.

"Hey, Eddie," drawled Jasper's voice from behind. "Sorry, Bella, but I need to get Alice home before she makes a fool of herself."

After observing her from the other side of the floor, she had to agree.

"Sure. Just let me get my purse."

Edward slowly relinquished her hand and said his goodbyes to Jas.

"It was nice to see you again, Miss Swan."

Such a strange day. Such a strange week. With Alice out cold for the majority of the drive home, only the rumbling of the Cadillac's engine accompanied her thoughts. She was pleased to see that she and Edward could be on good terms, exhausted by the day, frustrated by Jacob, and most of all, relieved that life could possibly return to normal. So the feeling was mutual after all. Days once marked by grief and solitude might finally be coming to an end, and her bottled-up anger with it.

She thanked Jas for chauffering for the night and waved him off, wincing as the sticks and gravel jabbed at her bare feet. She could see the television was still flashing through the front window, and crept inside to avoid waking Charlie, who was likely snoring in his chair.

"That you, kiddo?" He rose slowly with a grunt with a few bones cracking in the process.

"Sorry, I was trying not to wake you."

"No need. I wanted to stay up until you got home." She set down her purse and made her way to the kitchen, her father following awkwardly behind her. "So, how was the wedding?"

"Very pretty," she replied, taking an empty glass from the pantry and heading to the sink. "The ceremony wasn't too long."

"Good, good." He looked rooted to the spot, watching her fill the glass and lean heavily against the counter as she drank water for the first time since lunch. Darty-eyed. His mustache twitched. Seeing him fidget like this was so odd.

"Dad? What's the matter?" His sharp inhale puffed out his chest, and he straightened up, just like she imagined he looked when he approached a suspect.

"Who is Jacob?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, something let it slip. In the next chapter, Bella wonders if she'll ever hear from him again and if their agreement will survive. More surprises are on their way.
> 
> Thanks for reading! If you like My Guy, please favorite or leave a review.
> 
> Also, I hope everyone who can is staying home and staying safe right now. I hope you, your family, and your friends remain healthy, and for a speedy recovery to those who couldn't.


	21. Please Mr. Postman

_There must be some word today_   
_From my boyfriend so far away_   
_Please Mr. Postman look and see_   
_If there's a letter a letter for me_

 

_I've been standin' here_   
_Waitin' Mr. Postman so patiently_   
_For just a card or just a letter_   
_Sayin' he's returning' home to me_

 

_Please check and see_

_Just one more time for me_

 

**_Please Mr. Postman-_ ** _The Marvalettes_

* * *

" _Who is Jacob?"_

She blinked. Three simple words from Charlie had somehow stopped time, freezing everything in place, including Bella. When reality resumed, every frozen heartbeat slammed back into her chest at once. Why this? Why now? It was beginning to feel as if some cosmic elements were banding together to sow discord in her life, like a very dull night on Mt. Olympus.

"What are you talking about?" she replied, trying to sound casual as she feigned ignorance. Another huge gulp of water to buy some time.

"I'm not a fool, Bella. Now, tell me who Jacob is."

It was like standing before a bull, unyielding and growing more agitated by the second.

"He's a friend," she said stiffly. She turned away to rinse out her glass in the sink, fully aware that all the color was completely gone from her face. She needed to shut this down right now. Nothing good could come from her father knowing anything about anything.

"'A friend,' huh? Why haven't I met him then? I know all of your friends."

"You don't know all my friends."

"I used to," he said irritably.

"I'm not in grade school anymore. I meet new people all the time." He didn't respond. "Dad, what is this about?"

His jaw was set, and she could see his fingers twisting and squeezing into a fist.

"I know you were two-timing Eddie."

"WHAT?" she blasted, her jaw dropping practically to the floor.

"You heard me. Do you think I was born yesterday?"

The speed at which he could switch into cop-mode was astounding. She'd only been witness to it once or twice in her entire life, and each time, the perp folded like a house of cards.

"That is crazy! Why would you say something like that?"

"I know you, and I know the signs! Ignoring your boyfriend-"

"-He was ignoring  _me_ , remember?" she scoffed.

"Coming home at all hours of the night and never saying a word, sneaking around, cutting work!" There was no denying that the final accusation made her already flimsy straight-face slip a notch. "I ran into Mrs. Newton the next day, and she told me that she hoped you were feeling better, and I had to smile and thank her so she wouldn't find out that the chief of police doesn't even know where his own daughter is. And then all this...emotional nonsense, this back and forth, where one day you're nagging and yelling and crying, and the next you're whistlin' like a canary. That doesn't happen for no reason."

His face was turning red, a single vein on his temple bulging with the additional stress.

"I thought to myself, 'My girl wouldn't do something like that. My girl is honest, responsible. She wouldn't call in to work just to go mess around with some miscreant. She must've been under the weather, or upset about Eddie again. She's not some two-bit floozy. It's got to be something else.' But then I saw you clutching that letter like it was tryin' to run away, and that's when I knew."

"I did  _not_  cheat on Edward!" she hissed. Her entire body was shaking, her ears becoming red and hot despite the chill. "What, because I get mail, I must be up to something?"

"If you've got nothing to hide, then why are you acting guilty?"

"I'm not acting guilty! I am a grown woman! I'm entitled to some privacy."

"Who is he? Who's his family? I want to meet this boy."

"No."

"See? I knew it. There's something wrong with him! You wouldn't be acting like this if there wasn't something wrong with him."

"There's nothing wrong with him!" she squeaked, her voice cracking as her eyes began to blur with tears. "He's a kind person, and more of a friend to me than anyone ever was."

"Then why the hell won't you just tell me?"

"Because it's  _none_ of your business! And because I knew you'd be like this! I knew I could never tell you anything without getting the third degree. You don't listen to me! Nobody does! Jacob did, but now he's gone too."

"Did you bring him into my house?"

"What?" she yelped.

"Did you bring a man into my house while I wasn't here? While I was out earning a living and keeping you at that damned school?"

"No! For God's sake, Dad. Do you really think I'd do that?"

"I don't know! I don't know my own daughter anymore."

"I've had enough of this. I am a grown woman and I make my own choices, with or without your approval."

"Not when you're in my house, you aren't!" he thundered. "I am your father, and I know what's best for you. No daughter of mine is going to run around town acting like white trash and making me look ridiculous. Not as long as you're under this roof."

"Fine!"

She ran past him, clinging onto the handrail for dear life as she blindly climbed the stairs to her room, abandoning all her usual efforts to soften her footfalls.

"Isabella! You come back here this instant!"

Clothes, books, papers, pencils, all tossed into her open bag, her final letter from him tucked between the pages of her literature text. Her hair had long since come loose. A few tendrils crusted stiff with hairspray stuck out from the rest like bent antennas. Sniffling and wiping her nose with the back of her hand, she stuffed her blistered and sockless feet into her shoes, seized the bag by the handle, and stomped back down, where Charlie was waiting. His eyes darted down to her luggage, and grew wide as saucers.

"What are you doing?"

"Leaving."

_Mom had the right idea. I wonder what took her so long._

"We aren't finished discussing this!"

"Yes we are." She slid her purse into the crook of her arm, and plucked her keys from the dish by the door.

"Isabella!"

"Do you want to know why you'll never meet him, Dad? Do you really want to know why? Because he's gone!" A slow trickle of tears was swelling into a river. "He left! He's on the other side of the world in some God-forsaken jungle, dodging bullets and grenades, and I have to walk around every day acting like everything's fine, like I'm not spending every waking second praying he doesn't come back dead!"

Whatever words Charlie had prepared were suddenly caught in his throat. A tiny shred of guilt began to infiltrate the bewildered expression that was gradually turning his face back to its normal color. It didn't matter. Maybe if he had chosen to swallow all the other foul things he said, she wouldn't have to do this.

"I loved Jacob. I've never loved anybody like that before, but he's gone now."

"Bella-"

"- And you know what's the worst part?" she croaked. "Even if he comes home alive and in one piece, I will never see him again. He knew that everyone around us would do whatever they could to tear us apart, and I didn't believe him. Now I know that he was right, and I am the idiot who thought I could beat the odds."

The stiff bodice of the dress would not budge to accommodate her labored breathing as she scurried out the front door and into the truck, where her bag landed with a heavy thump. The list of safe havens seemed to be growing shorter every day, and now her own home had fallen as well, this time to tyranny. All that remained was a drafty brick hall, stuffed to the gills with cheery girls whose list of concerns began and ended with passing their exams and finding a date for the winter formal. With no idea how she would be able tolerate it, she would have to brave it all the same. Now she had no choice. She backed out of the driveway with little care, nearly taking out the mailbox, distracted by the darkness and the sight of her father's dumbfounded face staring back at her from the open front door.

The morning was better, somewhat. She didn't envy Alice, who spent much of the day languishing in her bed, nursing a headache and a foul mood. She was luckily passed out already when her roommate returned, allowing Bella to soak the pillow before finally succumbing to exhaustion. Her early reappearance prompted little interest beyond a brief question with a briefer answer. It seemed the feeling was mutual.

Barely five minutes into her assigned reading, she felt her mind drifting off the road and into the weeds. She thought that she'd slept off the anger, but it was having a second wind, and she could feel her blood surge with every echo of Charlie's words.

_How dare he. Just because I suddenly decide to have a life, I must be doing something horrible? Great to know how little my own dad thinks of me, that a guy's name and playing hooky was all it took to convince him._

' _Well, you_ are  _a cool chick now, Bells,'_ cooed a deep voice from within. " _I told you that you could be bad if you wanted to."_

"Shut up."

' _Aww, don't be like that, baby. You know it's true.'_

"Shut up shut up shut up!" she hissed, squeezing the pillow over her head, as if she could drown it out. The book slid onto the floor with a thud, making Alice stir in her sleep. She retrieved it, and with a heavy sigh, started again from the beginning.

Such was Monday. And Tuesday. And the rest of the week. And the week after that. She went to class, nibbled at the offerings in the dining hall, and returned to her room. Alice may have finally given up on trying to impose fun on her, but a small part of Bella wondered if that was worse than being bugged constantly to join them. The room they shared was quieter, emptier, and lonelier than before.

Of course she cared for Alice. She was a friend and the oldest one she had since the move to Washington. And yet, the gulf between them seemed to be growing since the semester began. Perhaps it was her fault for being such a wet blanket. Perhaps it was simply the delayed results of all the lies and secrets, demoting Alice's status from confidante to gal-pal. Or, could it be that she had found other friends, ones who were pretty and exciting? Ones who liked to go out and have fun with their boyfriends? Well, she couldn't blame them then, could she?

Time dragged on, with or without her. The chill of autumn had solidified into freezing wind and skies so grey they bordered on black. It was only a matter of time before everyone would be knee-deep in snow, and the increasing confinement to the indoors was already taking its toll. After holding out for what might have been forever, and against her own mandate, she finally cracked and checked the mail.

Cobwebs.

They were somehow worse than just nothing. Finding nothing would have been sad, but finding cobwebs was concrete evidence of the state of things, irrefutable proof that things had indeed gone south.

"Alright, that'll be all for today. Keep up with your reading, and I'll see you all next Tuesday."

Even after neglecting to bring her books, she felt as if she were lifting a tremendous weight, like rising out of cold salt water. She never skipped class, except for the odd head cold, and she had vowed to keep that up, though she was losing the ability to care. She was doing fine just reading the books and taking notes. No need to bundle up and journey out like Sir Edmund just have her attendance taken.

' _See? I told ya.'_

"Don't."

' _You don't need it. You're smarter than any of those squares.'_

"Shut up," she spat under her breath, tucking her scarf into the upturned collar of her coat. A frigid wind raced through, shoving her away like a pushy relative. From the corner of her eye, she spotted a flash of perfect blonde hair coming out of the business school. Edward noticed her almost immediately, and after a shy wave back at him, he strolled over.

"Lovely weather we're having," he said over the second gust, which rattled the bony trees and sent a student's papers flying further down the quad.

"Just delightful."

"How have you been?" he asked, tipping his head for them to continue onward. "I haven't seen you since the wedding. I nearly forgot what you look like."

"I'm okay. It's been a little too cold to leave my room lately. How are you?"

"Can't complain," he shrugged. "Studying for finals is taking up a lot of my time. My parents are a little annoyed that I haven't been able to come home yet."

"How are Emmett and Rosalie?" With another strong wind incoming, they picked up the pace and ducked into the lobby of the dining hall.

"Good. They're renting a little place nearby until he's finished with school, then they're making the real move to Portland."

"That's awfully far from home."

"I think that's by design," he chuckled, cheeks rosy from the cold. "What about the Chief? How is he these days?"

"Alright, I guess. I'm not really sure. I haven't spoken to him in a long time." His forehead crinkled. He wasn't going to pry, but she couldn't think of a good reason not to tell him. She needed to tell someone before she burst.

"We had a fight after I came home from the wedding. I decided to come back to school early, and I haven't been home since."

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, his mouth turned into a sympathetic frown. "I know what that's like. You two certainly have your differences." She gave a dark chuckle.

"That's one way of putting it. Things have really been piling up lately, and I just don't have the will to put up with him anymore, especially after that. Just one more reason to graduate as soon as I can." He cocked his head.

"What would you do after that?" She shook her head.

"Oh, I don't know. I haven't thought that far ahead, to be honest. I don't suspect I'll be able to until after finals. All I know is that I want to get out."

"I know someone like that," he said with a wry smile. "I can't say I blame either of you. It seems both our parents are a bit too much."

"Just a smidge."

Her eyes flitted to the passersby, aware that they were being noticed. That too was becoming unimportant.

"Do you think you'll still go home for Christmas?"

She sighed heavily, leaning against the brick wall.

"I don't know. Maybe I can go to Florida and stay with Mom and Phil instead, but I'm not counting on it. You?"

"My parents want us to go to Seattle and visit my grandparents." He rolled his eyes.

"You sound thrilled."

"It's fine," he replied. "My grandparents are just very...particular. Grandad has always had his own ideas about what Rose and I should be doing. Now that she's married, I think I'll be the one under the spotlight from now on."

"Really? But you've got that job lined up and you'll be graduating soon. I'd think they'd be thrilled." He winced.

"No, it's my personal life that has been their main interest."

_Your fault. Good job._

"My grandmother doesn't approve of men being single at my age. She thinks idle hands lead to-how does she put it?-'vice and ruin.'"

She couldn't help but laugh. Charlie's mother wasn't too different when she was alive. Renee was a brave woman for marrying him with the prospect of a mother-in-law like that. His face brightened at the sight of her laughter.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I don't mean to make light. I just don't think I've ever heard a real person say something like that."

"No, no, you're right. It's pretty ridiculous. Though, I'm not sure what constitutes 'vice.'"

"Jazz and liquor, perhaps? Pool?" He snorted.

This was nice. Talking and laughing with Edward again, just like old times, as if nothing had ever happened. She remembered being angry with him, and she remembered why, but what she couldn't recall was why she should hold onto any of that any longer. Though just as flawed as any man, Edward was kind and generous with her, sometimes more than he should be, and she lamented that she only understood that after everything had already fallen apart. It was only with hindsight that she could see how fortunate she was to have this at all, and she would not let her bitterness spoil something sweet again.

"Well, it sounds like you need to get cracking if you want to be an utter libertine by Christmas."

"I'll see if I can fit it in between studying and sleeping." She expected him to start to take his leave, but he waited. "You know, I'm in the library most often these days. If you ever find the courage to brave the elements, you should come say hello." He shifted his weight, running his hand through his hair. "I'd like to see you more often."

"Of course," she replied with a warm smile. "I'd like that."

"Great...Well, I'll see you later, then."

"See you! And stay away from the pool hall!"

He chuckled, shaking his head as he trudged back out into the cold and disappeared.

As happy as she was with this new development, a thought was still tugging at her sleeve.

_He didn't write back. You really put your foot in it this time, didn't you?_

She needed to know. It felt childish to care so much if someone was angry with her, but it was a recurring theme. Jake, then Charlie, then Alice. Even her professors seemed a little irked these days. She wanted some peace, some reassurance, or at least to have her fears validated so she could figure out what to do about it. Once she was facing the solution up front, all her logic went out the window.

The dial tone whined as she stared down at the receiver in her hand. For the life of her, she couldn't fathom what had spurred her to do this. What was the point, exactly? He clearly had nothing to say to her, and it wasn't as if Leah would tell her even if he did. Why, why did she keep doing this to herself? The simple solution was to let it go, to let  _him_  go. There was nothing waiting for her on the other side but more heartache and confusion, more lies and secrets, and she could scarcely afford more chaos in her life. On the other hand, it felt as if there was little more that could be inflicted on her, with or without her own interference. Swallowing hard, she punched in the number. The heavy pounding of her heart must have been audible as she waited for the ringing to stop.

"Black and Clearwater Auto Repair," said a flat voice.

"Leah?"

"You're talking to her."

"Um, it's...Bella." Leah didn't respond. "I-I know this is out of the blue, and he probably doesn't want to talk to me anymore, but I haven't heard from Jake since October and-"

A choked noise crackled through from the other end, followed by gargled voices and a scuffle that seemed to batter their phone, before it was picked up again, and a deeper voice answered.

"Bella? It's Seth."

"Oh-Hi, Seth. How are you? I just had Leah on the line a second ago and I was asking her about Jake but-"

"-She didn't tell you?"

"What?" she asked.

"Damnit, she promised me. I can't believe it. What a rotten bi-."

"-What are you talking about? Come on, Seth. You're scaring me."

It was dead quiet on the line. The blood was pumping through her ears so hard it was deafening. After an eternity of silence, she wished that she had gone deaf.

"Jake is missing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a kudos or your thoughts on this chapter in the comments!


	22. I Say A Little Prayer

_The moment I wake up_  
_Before I put on my makeup_  
_I say a little prayer for you_  
_While combing my hair, now_  
_And wondering what dress to wear, now_  
_I say a little prayer for you_

_**I Say A Little Prayer**  - Aretha Franklin_

* * *

The wind was utterly knocked out of her lungs. The sounds of footsteps and garbled chit-chat behind her ceased, replaced with an oppressive silence that seemed to fill her ears and surround her body as if she were being held underwater by her ankles. All thoughts evaporated, all cares or even basic functions came to a grinding halt. Her legs threatened to give out underneath her, and she remained upright only by bracing herself against the corner of the phone booth. She very nearly dropped the receiver when Seth's voice tried to coax her back to consciousness.

"Bella? Are you there?"

"Mhmmm," she replied

"I'm sorry, Bella. This isn't how I wanted you to find out." His voice was sympathetic, but under it ran the same tension that was threatening to snap her own vocal chords in two.

"When?"

"His dad got the news about a week ago. We're not exactly sure when it happened." He sucked in a deep breath, the strain palpable as he kept his voice even. "They didn't have much to tell us, only that they don't know where Jake is, and that Jared and one of their friends are missing, too."

Her hand clasped over her mouth, she tried to contain the pained cry that was brewing in her chest. The images from the evening news flashed before her eyes again, all ear-splitting sounds of death and destruction, fire and mayhem. The nightmare Jacob charged head-first into without a second thought.

_Missing._

Like a broken record, the word played over and over again in her head. She knew what "missing" really meant. Eric definitely knew what it meant. It was a euphemism, a way to sugarcoat an icy truth: they don't know where he is, and they don't think he's going to come back.

_Missing. Missing. Missing. Missing. Missing._

It became the sound of her pulse, both syllables of her heartbeat, and the world began to twist and blur, until she finally descended into pitch black nothingness.

She awoke with a start, as if she had fallen from the sky and crashed back into her own body. The surroundings were foreign: a dorm room, but not hers. A bed, but not hers. Clothes and shoes scattered about or in heaps along the dusty baseboards, but none hers, save her own dark blue sneakers arranged neatly on the floor beside the bed. She sat up, or tried to at least, only to feel the dizziness force her onto the pillow again as it tried to wrestle her consciousness away yet again, and it very nearly succeeded. Rubbing her eyes, she gingerly propped herself up, still too foggy to make out where she was or how she got there. It wasn't until she heard the loud guffaws of baritone voices that she realized she was in a boy's dormitory.

"No thanks, guys," came another, somewhat muffled by the peeling wooden door. "I'll catch you next time." The door handle twisted, opening stiffly with a dull creak.

"Bella?" he called softly. 'Oh, thank goodness. You're awake."

Relief washed over his face as he slipped in, closing the door behind him so as to not draw attention to himself. He glided over to the bed and placed a glass of water at her bedside before settling into the chair. Taking a deep breath, she eased up against the cold metal frame, squeezing her eyes open and shut over and over again, trying to get a grip. The back of her head throbbed, and strands of hair were sticking to her cheek. Even with such limited information, she knew she must be a mess. Edward, on the other hand, was a vision, like what Sleeping Beauty must have seen when she woke.

"Are you alright?" His amber eyes scanned her all over, as if he could diagnose her condition with a fully clothed once-over. Well, he was a doctor's son, after all.

"It's hard to say," she replied. "I'm kind of dizzy. How long have I been out?"

"Not long. About an hour. I'm glad you came-to when you did. I was getting worried. Here," he said, handing her the glass with a reassuring smile.

She sipped slowly, letting her eyes wander about the room now that her vision was clear. She'd never been in Edward's room, even when they were dating. There was something oddly intimate about being there, seeing his socks and crumpled papers scattered about and the sleeve of his forlorn letterman jacket poking out from the back of the tiny wardrobe. She didn't remember what she pictured when she imagined what his room would look like, but it wasn't this.

"What happened?"

"You fainted in the phone booth," he said. "One of the girls saw you and went to get help, and she found me."

"Shit," she whispered. As she leaned her head back, it tapped the wall behind her, making her yelp. The throbbing was even more pronounced now.

"I think you hit your head on the way down. You'll probably have a goose egg tomorrow."

"I fainted? I thought that only happened in movies. Are smelling salts real too?" He chuckled.

"Yeah, but I was fresh out."

She glanced out the window, but could only see branches and grey skies.

"So how did I end up here?"

"I carried you," he said matter-of-factly. "I live in Dunham, so it was closer than going all the way to your room. I hope that's okay."

"Of course it's okay," she said, conjuring the better part of a smile for him. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He became quiet, watching her shift squeeze the glass in her hands until she set it down, as if he were waiting for something else to happen.

"Bella," he started, sounding uncertain. "Is everything alright with your father?" She cocked her head.

"What do you mean?"

"You were on the phone when you fainted, right? I was hoping you hadn't gotten any bad news."

Her blood turned to ice as the memory of Seth's voice rematerialized, and then his words.

_Missing. Missing. Missing._

She tried with all her might to hold it in, to keep herself upright and held together, and it was not going very well. It must have been painfully apparent, because Edward immediately rose to sit beside her, catching her as she finally dissolved into his shoulder.

"Shhh...Bella," he crooned. "Please don't cry. It'll be alright." She shook her head, her eyes still buried and soaking the sleeve of his shirt. "It will. I promise. Please, is there something I can do?"

"I wish you could," she squeaked, trying to speak through a shuddering inhale. "It's not that simple."

He held her tightly, gently stroking her hair as she struggled to regain some semblance of composure. As deep as her despair ran, his touch was soothing, patient. It was the safest she had felt in months, and the most complete, though the void left by Jacob still pricked and stabbed at her heart every opportunity it got. She could only wonder how long it would be before it finally gave out altogether; Or, maybe it would persist long after she reached the breaking point of her endurance, purely out of spite for what she'd done to it on her own. After righting herself, Bella dabbed at her eyes and offered a weak and grateful smile.

"I think this is the moment where I'm supposed to offer you my handkerchief, but my valet is having it laundered," he said, making her giggle over her own sniffles.

"I appreciate the sentiment all the same, Mr. Cullen." He grinned. There was a familiar warmth in his amber eyes, like the sun coming through the stained glass window of a church, and it warmed her as well.

She might have been Marianne Dashwood, delivered from the pouring rain in the arms of a valiant gentleman and brought to safety. It was a very odd thing to be reminded of at that moment, and whether her rescuer was Willoughby or Colonel Brandon remained to be seen. Perhaps she would learn which was which by the time this ordeal was over. If it would ever be over.

"I should get out of your hair." She stirred and went to stand, but was gently held back, his brow knit in concern.

"Are you sure you're alright to walk?" he asked. "It's not a problem. You can stay as long as you need to."

"I'm fine, really. I'll take it easy." She wanted to reassure him, but he didn't appear convinced. "I'll lie down again when I get back, I promise." He pursed his lips.

"Will you at least let me walk you there?"

"Fine," she huffed in mock annoyance.

The walk back was slow going, though this was more her own doing than Edward's. He filled the air with pleasant talk of springtime plans and  _Dr. Zhivago_  in fulfillment of their wordless agreement. It was a welcome distraction, allowing her to traverse the lumpy walkways to her dorm without risk of anything other than tripping, though she was confident that she would not be allowed to literally hit the bricks. When they arrived, he released her in the foyer, as he would be forbidden from going any further into the girl's building.

"Thank you, Edward."

She didn't know what else to say. What else was there to say? It still sounded insufficient. Before, she would have been annoyed by his insistence on accompanying her all this way and his unspoken belief that she could not manage on her own, but today, it seemed that he was right. Maybe she wasn't as strong as she thought. Maybe this was what it took to open her eyes, to see that she had vastly overestimated her abilities. She didn't know, and that day, she didn't particularly care. If there ever was a time that she could tolerate being treated like a faberge egg, this was one of them.

"You're very welcome."

He hesitated. He was standing awfully close. Not enough to arouse a reprimand from the housemother, but enough to be very, very aware of the distance between them.

"Bella," he began, clearing his throat. "I realize it's none of my business, but I hope you'll talk to me, if you need it. I'd like to help." Her eyes dropped to her feet, and she nodded.

"I will. Thanks again."

Surely, this would constitute a 'white lie.' There was no denying that bearing all of this alone was intolerable, that even one more hairline fracture in her world would send her tumbling down, but she would sooner let herself fall than lose Edward's friendship to the truth. There could be no redeeming herself in his eyes with the knowledge that she had fallen for someone else, and to add insult to injury, for someone who she never should have been involved with in the first place. No one would understand why she would let Edward go, a kind, handsome, successful man with great prospects from a good family who adored her, to be with a poor truant, and an Indian to boot. Of course she knew, and Jake did too, once. But even as the lies and omissions weighed heavily on her shoulders, she knew that the truth could only set her free in one way: She would have absolutely nothing left to lose.

The alarm clock went ignored. When she was forced to join the living, it was nearly eleven, and her room was just as empty as when she arrived the day before. One could not call it rest; she tossed and turned, losing track of how many times she was awoken by the sensation of falling, clutching the edge of her mattress for dear life.

And the dreams. The dreams haunted her like nothing else. She wandered Forks on foot, ankle deep in snow, but there wasn't a soul in sight. She looked for Charlie at their house, but it was empty. The school was a ghost town. The reservation was much the same. She wandered endlessly, calling out for someone, anyone, but there was no sound but the echoes of her voice over the mountains. She found the garage in much the same state as it always was, dusty, cluttered with tools and boxes, the ashtrays filled to the brim with cigarette butts, but the radio and laughter and bickering was eerily absent. The only sign of life in the entire Olympic peninsula was the light creeping through the closed blinds of the office. If only she could reach the door before she was jolted back awake.

She had class in a half hour. It was of little consequence. It was ludicrous to think that she could give a rat's ass about Tolstoy in these circumstances. People were dying. How was it that everyone around her could just keep going on their merry way when their friends, their neighbors, their brothers, were in such constant danger?

_The same way you did it tried not to think about it._

The waistband of her skirt had cut an itchy red imprint into her hip, and the bottom of her sweater was hiked up just under her bust. A hazard of sleeping in one's clothes. She stretched, and a small ray of sunshine bore through the window to catch onto her bracelet. The baying wolf seemed to glow a richer russet in the light, each tiny feature in the polished wood so intimately defined. The music floating by on a warm summer breeze. His hand on the small of her back, holding her securely against him. His calloused hand pulling her face in for the last kiss he would ever give her. She could still feel it all, but it was beginning to feel more like a beautiful dream.

Rolling over, she buried her face in the pillow to muffle her weeping.

_Come back. Please, let him come back. I'll do anything, anything at all. I'll be good. I'll do what I'm supposed to. I'll let him go forever if I have to. Just please bring him home alive._

Her eyes swollen, all her tears finally used up, she summoned the remnants of her strength to simmer in the tub, put on the thickest sweater she owned, and force down a few Saltine crackers before leaving the safe confines of her room. To hell with class; She was going to go open that office door.

First, she suspected that the crunch of gravel under the tires must be drowning out the usual commotion in the shop. What she found instead was almost a low murmur hovering over the clattering of metal. The boys were fewer, even given the obvious. Sam was crouched beside a car, under which sounded like Paul, and the top of Seth's head was peeking over the open hood of another, listening to rapid-fire instructions from his sister. Sam looked up from his work as she approached.

"Bella."

It became suddenly still as he rose to his feet. Leah, firmly lowering the hood, met her gaze directly.

"I'm sorry," Bella began. "I just-I don't know what to do." She could feel it rising within her again, the scalding pressure of Sam and Paul's presence only making her crumble faster. "Leah-"

What words couldn't express, Leah seemed to read it in her eyes. Her own lip trembled, and she abandoned her post to seize Bella in her muscular arms. She was struggling to fight back tears, perhaps in the hope that Bella could cry enough for the both of them, as if there was such a thing as "enough." She didn't fully understand Leah, but there was some kind of telepathy, some understanding that overlooked her barking and snapping. Sam watched carefully, unsure what to make of this display.

"You came back," he said. His voice was low and even, but his surprise was not completely undetectable.

"Of course she did," Leah replied sharply. He looked taken aback.

"I didn't think she-"

"-Of course you didn't. That's why you're such a goddamned idiot."

"Hey!" snarled Paul as he emerged. "You better watch your mouth and show some respect."

"Paul," Sam warned.

"No, Jacob might've let you get away with that shit, but Sam's in charge now, and you're going to have to mind your manners."

"Last time I checked," Leah replied through gritted teeth, thrusting her finger towards the ceiling. "'Clearwater,' not 'Uley,' was the name on the sign. I don't care about your little 'line of succession;' I'm a Clearwater. When you're in here, I am the king of this castle."

"Couldn't wait to take that away from Jake too, could you?" Paul sneered.

"She's the oldest!" Seth shot back, striding to his sister's side. "Dad always said he wanted the shop to go to her. Jake thinks so, too."

Bella watched helplessly, glued to the spot as the scene began to unravel in front of her. These people were family. They used to look so happy together, even Paul. Now, they were all ready to come to blows, triggered just by her very presence. Trouble was following her everywhere she went, spreading like a disease, breaking people apart. It was then that her darkest thought, the one she stuffed into the furthest corner of her mind, the one that was too painful to even acknowledge, was dragged out into the open for all to see:

"It wouldn't matter if  _she_  hadn't chased him away from his family, away from his tribe! Then Jacob would be here instead of dead in a jungle somewhe-"

The she-wolf had had enough. Despite the height difference, her fist landed squarely on Paul's jaw, knocking him on his heels. The shock on his face quickly turned to rage. He drew back his own fist, but before he could let fly, he was caught around the wrist by Sam, who seemed to dare him to try anything else. Their eyes locked, they seemed to be having a fight of their own.

" _Get. Out,_ " she growled.

Sam released him with great reluctance, and Paul wasted no time in yanking his arm free. There was murder in his eyes, sharp daggers reserved for Bella and Bella alone. No one had ever looked at her like that, so thirsty for her blood, and it sent a chill down her spine. Spitting on the ground, he gave the rest one more sharp glare before stomping away.

"Leah, I'm so sorry," she said, her voice wavering. "I didn't mean to-I shouldn't have come."

Bella fled, stumbling back to her truck over Seth's objections. She probably wasn't fit to drive, but the idea didn't even cross her mind. There wasn't room for it, only one thought.

_You did this._

The truck came to a halt in the dirt lot behind the school. She groped blindly in the glove compartment, eventually pulling out an almost new pack of cigarettes. It was a relic of another time, a time that seemed so far away that it could have been years. And she smoked every single one.

They were right. They were all right. This is what happens when you go places where you don't belong. Stupid girl. Selfish girl. How sickeningly naive. A headstrong child blundering into other people's affairs, thinking her idealistic nonsense could overcome the will of the world. She should have stayed put and lived her life. It was a good life before; She just didn't appreciate it enough. She was surrounded by family and friends, people who loved her and took care of her.

_And you fucked it all up._

Every move she made, every stupid daydream she let come true, left destruction in its wake. How many more people's lives did she have to upend before it was enough? And, in the end, what was it all for?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I'm not trying to bum everyone out, I swear. Things are rough right now, but I promise it's all going to be okay.


	23. Baby I Need Your Lovin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something's got to give.

_Lonely nights echo your name_  
_Oh, sometimes I wonder_  
_Will I ever be the same?_  
_Oh yeah! When you see me smiling_  
_You know things have gotten worse_  
_Any smile you might see has all been rehearsed_  
_Darling, I can't go on without you_  
_This emptiness won't let me live without you_  
_This loneliness inside, darling_  
_Makes me feel half alive_

**_Baby I Need Your Lovin' -_ ** _The Four Tops_

* * *

Winter break flew by. Or maybe it lasted ten years. TIme seemed to be stretching and contracting, twisting in on itself as if trying to confound her very sense of reality. It did not abate, even once the spring term began. The days were short, and the nights dragged on forever. Outside was nothing but ice and snow and sleet. Everything was either dead or fast asleep. It was tempting to follow the bears, to curl up in her den and ride out the worst of it until the sun made the world livable again, but who knew when that would be. Every day was spent thinking about finding a way out. The nights were spent praying to be warm again.

Edward's return from Seattle was delayed by his father's sudden desire to go skiing while the weather was agreeable, and his mother was more than happy to spend it by the massive hearth in the lodge, waiting for her husband to come in and hoping that he hadn't broken anything important. She wondered how wonderful a life one must have if skiing accidents are all you have to worry about.

"Will you be back soon?" Bella asked, the phone cord twisting in her fingers.

"God, I hope so," he chuckled. "I think I'm being held hostage. They wrote to the dean about my absence, but I don't think my professors are going to have much sympathy for me."

"There are worse places to be stuck."

"You're probably right. More than that though, I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, Edward."

"And I'm worried about you," he said.

"I-I'm fine. You don't need to worry." She heard a heavy sigh on the other end.

"Bella, please don't lie to me."

Disappointing him again. Was she really going to go back to the way things were before, back when she kept everything to herself for fear of the consequences? Being honest had consequences, too. Perhaps going back was better, or at least safer, but with Edward, it felt like a betrayal.

"I've been better. I don't think the weather is helping, either."

"Anything I can do?"

"Come back," she said quietly.

"As soon as I can. I promise."

She cringed at the word. Through his deeds, and everyone else's frankly, promises held no market value anymore. Still, it was a prettier thought than any others she had to choose from at the moment.

When she woke the next morning, the world was still. The thin layer of snow from the day before had disintegrated, leaving muddy slush in along the paths as the sun tried to squeeze through every available crack in the clouds. Even with no wind, the outside had her chilled to the bone. The tip of her nose felt numb. As long as she had been in Washington, she had never gotten used to their winters. Two weeks into her first one since the move, she understood why everyone up north flooded the Florida coastline from October to March.

The bell tower struck noon, and suddenly the aching in her stomach made sense. She shuffled along to the dining hall and grabbed the first hot plate of something she found. Refusing to remove her armor like everyone around her, she ate quickly, hoping that it would warm her on the inside and out. She probably looked like a starving dog to any nearby spectators. She wiped her mouth daintily with a napkin to ward off any suspicions that she might have been raised by bears, and quietly made her way towards the exit.

"Hey there, beautiful," called a voice from behind. She turned to find Edward rising from the bench in the hall, a broad smile peeking out from above a thick grey scarf.

"Edward! When did you get back?"

"About an hour ago," he said. "I hitched a ride with Rose and Emmett. Mom was driving her up a wall, and there's not enough liquor in the state of Washington to keep Rose from trying to ski right off a cliff."

A tremendous relief washed over her. It was hard to remember the last time she didn't feel completely alone. Always the knight in shining armor.

"Now I'm just making the rounds to see how much my professors already want to fail me for slacking off."

"They won't fail you. You're graduating in May, remember? If they fail you, then they'll have to keep you another year," she teased. He laughed.

"Let's hope so. I don't think I can stomach another semester."

"So," she began, shoving her hands in her pockets. "How were the slopes?"

"I'm afraid my father is the only one in the family who likes skiing all that much. I had a near-miss with a tree on the first day and then decided to call it quits."

"So what did you do for fun? That's an awfully long time."

"Reading, mostly. And thinking. Perhaps too much thinking."

"What about?" she asked.

"Graduation," he replied. "And everything that comes after it."

"You still have time before all that." He let out a hard puff of air.

"Yes and no. I don't start work until the end of the summer, so I have some time, but I'll need to find someplace to live and make all the arrangements before then. There are some contingencies that I'll need to account for."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing," he said, shaking his head. She bit her lip, and when he looked up at her again, he laughed it off. "Nothing for you to worry about, love. You know me; I'm a planner. But enough of my complaining. What about you? What have you been up to since we last saw each other?"

It was a much harder question to answer than it should have been. She went to class, studied, ate occasionally, and then spent hours staring at the ceiling above the bed, waiting for sleep to take her and hoping that whatever sleep she was granted would be peaceful. The simplest answer, or perhaps just the most concise, was that she had been trying very hard not to think, and it was not going very well.

"Focusing on school."

"I figured as much," he said. "What about your father?" She merely shook her head.

"Still?"

"I don't want to talk to him," she said, looking away at the floor. "Not after the things he said."

"It's been months now. Don't you think it's time to patch things up? He's your father, after all." She didn't answer.

"Bella," he began gently. "Spending so much time apart without speaking...It makes you think. It makes you take a hard look at what's really important, humbles you. I think if you talked to him, you'd see it."

She meditated on his words as her fingers twisted about in her pockets. Even if that was true, it didn't solve the underlying problem, for which she still had no permanent solution.

"Maybe, but I can't live with him again. He made it very clear that when I'm in that house, I'm a child. I might as well be sixteen again for how much privacy and freedom I have, but I don't have many other options after I graduate. I don't want to live with Mom and Phil. I might be able to find a job and live on my own, but I don't know where to even begin."

Edward pursed his lips, observing her thoughtfully like he used to. It made her blush before. Now, it was just nice to looked at, to be seen by someone who loved her instead of judgemental eyes or the four walls around her bed. He cleared his throat.

"I think I might be able help," he said, with some trepidation.

"How?"

_Maybe he wants to go convince Charlie to back off. He's more of a diplomat than I am._

"I have an idea, but I have some things I need to take care of first."

"Edward, come on. Tell me," she pleaded.

"I will. I promise."

It wasn't like him to be so opaque, and that made it all the more disconcerting. She always hated surprises, even though this was more of a mystery than a surprise.

"When?"

"Hmmm...how about Saturday? Six o'clock? We can talk about it over dinner."

This sounded more and more like one of his business meetings, as if they were going out to toss back martinis and discuss a merger. It was a silly thought. She was past grumbling and suspicions regarding his work. This was his way of handling these matters, she supposed. What an utterly perplexing day.

"Alight, then. Six o'clock it is."

In the days that followed, she began to wind herself down from the anticipation. It was time to just trust Edward and not ruminate so much. By the end of the week, it seemed like she had accomplished this, but her interrupted sleep begged to differ.

_Tap...tap...tap._

_It was coming from her bedroom window, perhaps falling acorns or a confused bird attacking its reflection. She padded over to the window and lifted it open._

" _Hiya, Bells."_

_He grinned broadly up at her from the grass. His shaggy hair was windswept as always, the same faded jeans, the same black shirt the same hint of mischief in his eyes that always made her heart skip a beat. Just the sight of him had her feeling full to bursting._

" _Jake!" she whispered hoarsely. "What're you doing?"_

" _What does it look like I'm doing?" he said, hoisting himself up into the tree._

_Nimbly as a squirrel, he scaled the branches and slid over the windowsill. He wasted no time, hooking his muscular arm around her waist and pulling her roughly against him, only to plant a soft kiss on her lips. It never failed to make every muscle in her body turn to jelly. When he withdrew, it took a moment for her brain to switch back on. Even then, just beholding this gorgeous man with his arms wrapped around her kept her from returning to reality._

" _What're you up to?" he asked, peeking over at the papers on the foot of her bed._

" _Studying. What're you doing? I thought I wasn't going to see you."_

" _I'm saving you from yourself, you nerd," he chuckled. "It's Saturday, for God's sake. You know it's not right to leave your best girl home on a Saturday night."_

" _What would Brian Wilson say?" she said with feigned horror._

" _Exactly. So I-" kiss- "came here-" kiss "-to get my best girl."_

_His mouth had already traveled along her jaw, his hot breath on her throat. It felt like it had been a lifetime since she saw him, and the rush of having so much of him back all at once was dizzying._

" _God, I missed you," she sighed, her grip tightening on the back of his shirt._

" _Me too. That's why I'm back here to fix it."_

_He was here, back in her arms where he belonged, where he should always be. She was never going to let him leave. After only a step or two backwards, she suddenly found herself pressed down across the bed with lips and hands roaming all over her. Her fingers tangled in his thick black hair as she tried to catch her breath._

" _Jaaake," she whined._

" _Mhmm?"_

" _I can't tonight, remember?"_

" _Are you sure?" he murmured into her ear, sending a shiver down her spine. "I can always help you study later."_

_There was something she was supposed to do, though she couldn't remember what it was, only that she couldn't stay here no matter how much she wanted to. Something was pulling her away, and it didn't care what she wanted._

" _No," she gasped. "I can't."_

" _Why not?" he growled. He nipped at her earlobe, eliciting a hiss._

" _I'm already running late."_

_What for? What was more important than this? She didn't want to go. Why couldn't she stay here with Jake?_

" _Late for what?"_

_Then it dawned on her, and everything began to unravel._

" _I have to ...meet Edward...He wanted to talk to me about...something."_

_His body went rigid, and he pulled away, climbing back onto his feet. His jaw was tight, and his eyes burned._

" _Jake, it's not like that-"_

_Wait, he wasn't supposed to be here. She wasn't supposed to be here. He was gone, remember? He couldn't be back. She didn't live here. This was wrong. The scene before her, his scowling face, all began to twist and blur and fade into blackness._

She woke with a start. The dark of her room was a cold greeting in the small hours of the morning, and as she fiercely clutched her pillow, she wondered if it would be better to stay awake or to fall asleep and risk picking up where the dream left off. It seemed so real, with even the smell of pine and engine oil still fresh in her mind. There was no escape anywhere, even in sleep. What's worse, it stirred up dormant thoughts that she had hoped to let lie, but it appeared that this was a taste of what was to come, years of wishing and wondering, hoping and praying, either to never know or wish she didn't. Doomed to forever mourn in choked whispers and sobs in the still moments of the night, spurned by the only ones who understood. She swallowed it all once again, and let exhaustion take her.

Alice found her in front of the mirror, trying to make her hair part the correct way and smudging on a touch of pink lipstick that was nearly the same color as her lips. She could see Alice looking her up and down like some kind of inspection.

"Going out tonight?" she asked, sitting neatly on the edge of her bed immaculately made bed.

"Yes."

"With a guy?"

"Yes," sighed Bella. "Well, sort of. I think." Alice raised an eyebrow.

"You think it's a guy, or you think it's a date?"

"The second one," she puffed.

"Finally! Is it someone I know? I bet it is. Oh! It's Edward, isn't it?" Bella hesitated, knowing full well what she was in for.

"Yes."

"Yes!" she squealed. "I knew it! You're getting back together with Edward! Oh, I'm so happy for you. I told Janet that he was a lost cause because he was still too in love with you, and I was right! She's not his type anyways. Too girly. I'm always right about these things. What did he say? Where are you going? Is that what you're wearing? Is this your first date since you split or-"

"-Now, hold your horses. It's just dinner. That doesn't mean he wants to go steady again." Alice rolled her eyes.

"Of course he does! You're still in love with him, right?"

She didn't answer right away, instead choosing to study her reflection in the mirror, as if staring into her own eyes would let her see even more inside herself.

"Yes."

"I knew it! See, he definitely wants you back, but you know he's too much of a gentleman to ask you since you were the one who dumped him in the first place." Her observation stung a little. "He's waiting for you, Bella. All you have to do is reach out and take him."

Those words echoed in her ears all the way to the restaurant, where Edward was waiting for her with his Prince Charming smile. He pulled out her chair and ordered a dark red wine. It was a bit rich for her blood, but there was no doubt the boy had taste. They chatted over a strange appetizer of cold shrimp and spicy red sauce. Rose was doing well, and Dr. Cullen was finally accepting Edward's departure from the crew team, both of which came as a relief to the pair. It wasn't long before the anticipation became too much.

"Edward, it's so nice of you to bring me here, and I don't mean to rush you, but I was hoping you would tell me what this big secret plan of yours is."

"Actually, this was just an elaborate ploy to get you to have dinner with me," he teased, making her giggle. It was such an odd sound to hear coming from her own mouth that she hardly registered that it had happened at all.

"No, I really do have something to talk to you about. Are you ready?"

"I think so," she said.

He took a deep breath.

"Come to Seattle with me."

"...What?"

"Come with me, Bella. Let's get married and leave Forks for good."

She gaped at him, unable to believe anything she was hearing. This had to be another dream.

"I have it all worked out," he said excitedly. "You can stay and finish school over the summer while I find a place for us to live, and as soon as you graduate, we're out of here, away from our parents, away from Forks, away from all these rubes. You always wanted to live somewhere else, didn't you? You'll really love Seattle, Bella. It's a great place to live. It's still by the ocean, just like Jacksonville and the peninsula, but it's so lively and interesting. Now, they haven't nailed down the specifics of my salary yet, but even on the low estimates, there would be more than enough for the both of us, so you wouldn't have to work or worry about money. It all works out perfectly."

"I..." she stammered. "I don't know." Her head was swimming, so much so that it was difficult to even imagine the life he was laying out before her.

"I know it's a big step, but I'm ready. Maybe you didn't believe you could count on me before, but you can now.. We can do this. I can give you the kind of life you deserve, one where no one but us decides where we go or what we do."

Reaching into the inner breast pocket of his jacket, he retrieved a little box covered in bright blue velvet and popped it open to reveal what lay inside: an elegant oval ring of gold polished to a mirror shine with dozens of tiny diamonds set in an intricate, lacy design. It was absolutely stunning.

"My heart has always been yours, Bella. From the very beginning. Will you take the rest of me, too?"

\-------------------------------

The door creaked open, and she cautiously stepped inside, wondering what to expect after so long. The house was dark, with only the fixture above the kitchen table offering any illumination. The door had barely latched shut behind her when a cluster of thumping footsteps raced to meet her. He was still in his uniform, a stain on his shirtfront, his hair oddly unruly. His mouth opened with a pop when he saw his daughter standing in the entryway like a guest.

"Bella?" She swallowed.

"Hi, Dad."

He seemed unsure what to do. It echoed their meeting years ago, the day she packed her life into two little suitcases and boarded her first airplane, bound for a completely new world on the other side of the country. Neither of them knew what to say to each other, or how to act, so they quietly existed together while they figured it out. Again, he silently ushered her into the kitchen, and she landed in her old seat at the table.

"Do-do you want something to drink? I'm out of milk but I have...water, I guess."

"I'm fine, thanks."

"Are you hungry? I can make you a sandwich or someth-"

"-Dad, I have to tell you something."

Her mouth was dry. He halted his busywork and sat down carefully across from her. Her father sat down heavily in the seat across, expectant, possibly holding his breath to ready himself for bad news.

"I'm listening." She swallowed again.

"Edward has asked me to marry him."

"Wow." His sigh of relief turned into a chuckle. "Wow, kiddo. That's...that's...  _big_  news." Charlie was transparent, as always. The man couldn't pretend to be impartial if his life depended on it.

"What did you say?"

"I told him I would have to think it over."

"I see," he said, turning to look out the window to conceal his frown.

Her father was trying. Clumsily, but trying, and she had to give credit where it was due. After everything that had happened, perhaps it was time for her to try, too.

"I just don't know if it's right." His brow furrowed.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean...Do you think it's possible to love two people at once?"

Charlie leaned back in his chair, letting out a long, heavy breath. She continued.

"I do love Edward. I just don't know if it's right to promise to give yourself completely to someone when you don't have all of your heart to give."

"I know you don't think I know much. I'm a terminal bachelor after all, but I've been around the block before. I was young once. I'm no rocket scientist, but I can tell you right now that love isn't that simple. Never has been, never will be."

"I guess," she said quietly, staring down at the scuffs and scratches in the tabletop. "I've already hurt Edward before, and I've disappointed him. He's a sweet guy, Dad. A wonderful man. Even with all the mistakes I've made, the things I've said and done, he still wants to marry me. I don't want to choose wrong and hurt him again. I don't want him to be disappointed in the person I really am."

"Nobody could ever be disappointed by you, kiddo," he said with a tender smile. "Not for a minute."

"I think you would be, if you knew."

He stared out the window, seemingly lost in thought. Every once in a while, he would look back at her, then back to the full moon bearing over them.

"I think it's time."

Weary but resolute, he quitted the kitchen for the linen closet, and after rummaging though, returned with a large round tin with a faded blue label that had once held cookies or crackers. He reverently placed it in the center of the table, then promptly retrieved a bottle of whiskey and two glasses from the cabinet, along with a heavy brass ashtray. She was surprised he even had one in the house, given how much he detested his habit. Banishing himself to the porch was his hairshirt in that regard. He poured her a glass, then a larger one for himself, then pulled so hard on his smoke that the cinder was nearly halfway down. He took a long sip.

"Drink," he said firmly, nodding to her glass. She didn't need to be told twice. His demeanor was strange, sort of cool and detached while jittery at the same time. So she waited.

"Just...promise me you'll listen all the way through before you say anything, alright?" She nodded warily.

"I don't need to tell you that me and your mother weren't very happy in those last couple years."

She remembered all too well. There were a lot of arguments that appeared to spring out of nowhere, days where Renee wouldn't speak to him, all those extra shifts he would pick up just to not be home, all culminating in a screaming match that, though she couldn't hear what it was about, affirmed for young Bella that the end had finally come.

"Your mother never wanted to live in Forks, you see. She was never a small town girl. Used to talk about moving to the city, somewhere exciting."

"Mom's always been a free spirit," she said, sipping absently.

"But you know me, and so did she. When I look back, I realize that she stayed here for me. All those years, waiting patiently for me to get my act together while taking care of the three of us. After a few years, she started to resent me for making her stay here, and I resented her for not being happy with what we had."

He paused and refilled his glass. The veneer of calm on his face was eerily familiar, but not on her father. She knew that face, that sadness so feebly buried by a frozen mouth and still eyes. She was so well practiced in it that she was almost ashamed that she didn't recognize it sooner.

Guilt.

"Go ahead. Open it."

Bella hesitantly reached for the tin and wrestled it open. Inside were dozens upon dozens of envelopes, along with other odds and ends, most notably a pressed wildflower, its fragile petals beginning to crumble.

"About ten years ago, I met a woman. She was one of the prettiest little things I'd ever seen, and sweet as pie too, so long as you didn't make her mad," he chuckled. "I found out she was married too, with two little kids and a husband who was a mechanic that spent more time working than at home. We were both unhappy in our marriages, but we were always happy when we were together. I fell hard, kiddo," he sighed, avoiding looking at the letters. "And fast. I don't know that's I've ever felt more alive than in the year I had with her."

She listened while she sifted through the yellowed paper, the envelopes stuffed with two or three pages written in a messy cursive that was difficult to decipher. How she felt about his confessions was even less clear. He recalled her so fondly, even after all this time, but there was also no mistaking the shame that hovered around his memories.

"But everything's got it's price." His second cigarette was down to the filter. Now on his third, he squeezed his eyes shut, resting his head in his hands on the kitchen table. Charlie was slowly beginning to come apart.

"Her husband died all of a sudden," he said solemnly. "I don't remember how. She was in such a state, but I couldn't set foot over there. I had to just sit here and let her cry all alone in that house. I didn't hear from her for weeks. When I finally heard from her, she told me she still loved me, but she couldn't forgive herself for what she'd done. I never saw her again."

She'd never seen her father cry. He was tough and guarded that he might as well have been made of wood. One single tear rolled down his cheek, though it was just as good as a flood from him.

"Your mother found the letters, of course. She never said anything before, but I think she always suspected. It wasn't 'til I saw Renee crying her eyes out on the kitchen floor that I truly understood what I'd done. What I'd done to her, to you, to all of us."

"Dad-" He held up his hand to stop her.

"I lost my wife, the woman I'd been in love with for fifteen years. I lost years with my daughter, and I damn near lost even more." He was slowly regaining his composure. "I'm not gonna tell you who to marry, Bella. I love you more than anything in this world, and I want you to be happy, but I do want you to listen to me and listen good: The grass'll always look greener on the other side, no matter where you're sitting. You've got a lot of good things in your life, good people. If you throw it all away for some fantasy that can't come true, then it won't be long before you're left with nothing."

The lines around his eyes betrayed the same kind of pulsating wound she had been nursing all this time, aged but never healing over enough to merit a scar. So many little things, so many similarities where there shouldn't have been, all started to come together.

She coaxed one letter out, water stains and smudges obscuring the text. Two pages, packed to the margins, probably detailing all this woman's hopes and dreams, her desires, her joys, her sadness, pouring it all out in a way that felt too real, too personal for Bella to be privy to. She scanned to the bottom, unsure of what she was looking for until she found it.

_All my love,_

_Sue_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two-for-one bombs in this chapter. Things are ramping up for our girl, and there's a lot more to come.
> 
> Given the state of the world right now, I'm having a little trouble keeping up with the posting schedule I made. I promise that if the next chapter takes me too long to post, I'll give you something else to tide you over.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! Please leave your kudos and thoughts in the reviews! It helps me a lot.
> 
> UPDATE: I just started a new Tumblr associated with this account, Your-Void-senpai. It's currently under construction, so bear with me while I make it pretty. Follow and suggest hilarious Twilight content accounts, and I'll follow you back!


End file.
